Who is Mrs Palmer & her 5 daughters?

Heya all,

Updating this in late 2020 as originally written in 2013’ish. It was a bit rough as originally published but is coming together with this update.



Hi all,

May I introduce Mrs Palmer (being my trusty right hand palm) and her five daughters (being thine fingers that grip thy shaft so well).

Masturbation. Where would I be without thee?

And the answer. Basically up shit’s creek – without a paddle!

Finding sexual partners has always been an uphill battle for moi and so I regularly default to the reliable (and healthy) option as the rule rather than exception, which may well be your pleasure modality of choice also?

I used to be able to “spank the monkey” numerous times a day and still exercise but I must admit to slowing down as I get older.

A quick calculation which may gross some of you out but is interesting to me.

Working on 5ml of ejaculate per session (which I think is the average amount expressed during the male orgasm) and multiplying that out over the years I have defaulted to dear Mrs Palmer’s pleasure solution, I get a whopping 6+ litres of semen that has left my body headed for most usually my belly, followed closely by a tissue.

That is a lot of semen and sperm!

And before you ask, am I addicted to masturbation?

I dont know. I dont think so but I have noticed that my ability to orgasm with a woman is getting harder as the years go by.

And I have contemplated this and come to the conclusion that a bird in the hand is the better strategy for me because I am yet to find a woman on this planet who matches my hedonistic mindset.

She is a rare beast it seems.

Anyway, there’s my 1c’s worth on masturbation.

I hope it helps you accept that there is absolutely nothing wrong with self pleasure.

And with that, its time to lie back and have some fun.



Do you masturbate…c’mon let’s talk about it.

Males…yes, I know you do and regularly.  If I used to wank twice a day on average when I was 20 then it’s fair to say that generally there is a shitload of other 20 year old males doing the same thing.

Females…I hope so.  I hope that you are learning about your body at this age at every opportunity that you have.  Where you are aroused, how you are aroused.  I hope you touch yourself regularly and give yourself tremendous pleasure.  I hope you are sexually confident, can communicate what you need/want and furthermore, if you have a male in your life, I hope he is treating your body with the respect it deserves.  I hope you are both sexually happy.

I hope that you are sexually mature enough to understand that your man needs to be drained regularly and that whilst it might seem like a chore it is doing a good for the world.  Because if you don’t do it, he is only going to find a quiet place and pull himself off until he orgasm’s a load of semen all over a worn shirt or whatever is around at the time.  Understand that he will respect you for helping him come, especially if you gift it.

Don’t close your mind, open it and take control of every possible sexual opportunity that comes your way.

It’s not dirty and it’s not indecent, masturbation is natural and has been granted to the human species as a gift so we can learn about our bodies as we grow.

Share that knowledge with your friends and don’t be afraid of talking about it.  Tell them about how you come, about when a particular piece of clothing touches your skin it sends a surge of electricity to your pleasure points and it feels so good.

If you like a particular boy ask him if he has gotten off today?

If he has not give him head.  Allow him to come wherever he wants to and if that be in your mouth, taste his semen and associate it with his body.

If you want to be touched take his hand and show him where it feels good, communicate with him as in tell him what you want.  Tell him that it feels really nice if he does this or that.  Teach him to be gentle.

Talk with your friends and boys you know about your fantasies.  An opportunity may arise out of that communication that will remain in your memories forever.

Above all, enjoy every masturbatory experience and every orgasm that goes with it.  You are unique.