What have we learned from 50 years of studying porn? ‘Heterosexuality is essentially broken’, via Guardian Australia.

OMG, OMG, OMG…soz, didn’t say hi, because this article has blown my tiny mind.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED (and/or CARE) ABOUT SEXUALITY, PORN, CONSENT, SEX EDUCATION…then you really need to read this.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/sep/02/what-have-we-learned-from-50-years-of-studying-porn-heterosexuality-is-essentially-broken

Why, because we need to smash the patriarchy and then rebuild sexuality from the ground up. #FACT

Porn has a part to play & if you have read a little of my take on things, you will have read that I am very interested in ethical porn and the positive sexual environment it can feed into.

I thus give massive props to Prof Alan McKee and the other researchers who took the time to look at this massive issue and provide guidance like this that will only help the debate we need to continue having, preferably more in the mainstream.

It proves to me that I am largely on the right track with this blog and as such will continue to link articles about human sexuality that I hope influence readers to read widely & most importantly communicate with others about this very important issue within humanity.

And please, if you do go down interesting rabbit holes and think it would be something I might enjoy then feel free to send me a message and I will check it out.

Cheers

AES

Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit

Demi Lovato exposes that legal sex doesn’t mean ethical sex by Lisa Martens, via Medium.

Hi all,

Another great Medium writer killing it.

And yes, I understand in assuming you can make an ass of yourself but I am going out on a limb with this (gut-feel style) to say I strongly feel that this issue is brushed under the carpet way to much.

A wonderful Australian woman by the name of Grace Tame has done her level best over the past 3+ years to drag this subject out into the sunlight but in the finest traditions of “the patriarchy rules – ok!”, very little has changed. She is playing the long game though and I know she will looked back on as one of the big movers & shakers in regards to many layers of our sexual gumbo that very much need to be made edible in order to obtain genuine gender balance.

You can read more about Grace and her struggle here.

Another young Australian woman who is really impressing me in this space is Chanel Contos. Chanel is also kicking against the pricks on consent and making some ground especially in the young adult space, which is the only sensible place to start the conversation IMHO.

Take note of these two names as they in concert with many others will help Australia lead the pack in these areas of human sexuality.

Anyhoo, here’s Lisa’s post at the link below. Please click through if this subject interests you. I will contend that you won’t be disappointed. She writes very well and is one of many writers on Medium that I really enjoy.

https://link.medium.com/fsAQwME6Esb

And I hope you, like I have, see the many layers of genius present within Medium. It really is a fantastic mish-mash of amazing writing on just about any subject you can think of.

Regards

AES

Jeff Buckley – Kick Out The Jams (Live)

I’ve been meeting with the same group of men for 36 years – here’s what they’ve taught me, via The Guardian.

Hi all,

A nice read about the benefits of conversation and listening, in this case within one of the first “men’s groups”.

As David mentions in the article, groups like these are much more widely spread these days but that doesn’t mean men still don’t have a ways to go in being able to express themselves emotionally.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/23/meeting-same-group-men-years-david-spiegelhalter

Some inroads have been made, for sure and my feeling is that men are definitely doing better in regards to relationships in the modern day, but divorce and domestic violence are very much still problems that still need answers so that women can live the lives that they should be able to without fear or favour.

Anyway, please click through if this topic interests you and if you’re a man like me, reach out and contact your local men’s shed.

It might just change your life, for the better.

Cheers

AES

Why is God a man? The woman who searched the world for a feminist religion via Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

I haven’t posted in a while but when I read this I felt it had a place in this little space I have curated over many years.

And before you ask…but it’s about religion…?

Well yes, I agree but there’s also a connection in the article to sexuality and how religion subverts and squashes the beauty in female sexuality.

Louise sounds like a woman I could totally have a drink and a good yak with, and I reckon I will definitely buy her book because it’s clear to anyone paying attention that religion is next level fucked up when it comes to human sexuality.

Cults, Pentecostalism, Catholic BS, abortion rights etc. etc…I am sure you get the drift. It’s all connected in some shitty way that only seeks to subjugate women and ensure female sexuality stays in the shadows.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2022/jul/16/why-is-god-a-man-the-woman-who-searched-the-world-for-a-feminist-religion

Anyhoo, please click through if the connection between sex and religion interests you.

It certainly does for me.

Adios,

AES

Madonna – Like A Prayer

Embracing my inner salacious little slut, by Tris Harkness – via Medium.

Hi all,

I just read the post below from Tris and felt I needed to repost it here largely because it was such a positive read.

https://link.medium.com/yWBYdzmzQqb

Tris clearly articulates her situation in this post and how she has gone from a woman in sexual chains to one released.

I have feeling that there are more than a few women out there like Tris, who are locked into patriarchal prison, which unfortunately so many men are fine with maintaining but for whatever reason cannot see.

And then there are some who just like the default creation and actively subvert female sexual power & energy at every take.

Also to be clear, this isn’t anywhere as simple as you might expect and thus I would contend that there is also a large cohort of women who like the way things have been and are very keen to not see them change.

But times are a changin, and there is no holding back this tide so if on reading this you decide to take a chance and trust in your sexuality, I hope it is a good experience and you come out of it with more faith in yourself and your place in the world.

Anyway, please have a read and I hope you walk down the Medium road & support writers like Tris because women like her are contributing to a better world for all of us.

Cheers

AES

Tears For Fears – Woman In Chains

OMFG, Single Shaming…why?

Hi all,

I have been thinking about writing something on the subject of being single for some time now.

In fact, I think I have written before about the Australian 2016 Census results which on census night saw nearly 1 person in 4 living alone.

And I expect that we will see this number increase again when the 2021 results are released to public view in July this year.

The article below is from the BBC and asks why we collectively are still of the mind that choosing to live alone is a bad thing.

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220405-single-shaming-why-people-jump-to-judge-the-un-partnered

Clearly there is still a great deal of stigma out there which saw a person I respect greatly exit Twitter recently because they were sick of fighting again this historical juggernaut.

For mine, I hope the number increases as clearly there is more than enough people on the planet currently and we really should be slowing down & assessing what an optimal carrying capacity for the planet is currently.

And I am not suggesting that number can’t or shouldn’t increase.

I just want to see some sensible analysis and staying single and or raising small families is preferable until that analysis is complete we understand what the planet needs to sustain us.

Unfortunately, this will have to be led by individuals because governments still have their heads in the sand and are not interested in the slightest in singing the praises of those who choose to live this way.

So, for mine, staying single is a good thing and I look forward to seeing old and outdated tropes on the deficiencies of this choice disappear sooner rather than later.

Feel free to comment if you have other thoughts.

Cheers
AES

Disgraced Tory MP Neil Parish ‘broke law’ by watching porn in Commons. (via Guardian Aust)

Hi all,

Nothing new at this link below. Just another male doing what we males do so well within our large sphere of patriarchal freedoms.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/apr/30/disgraced-tory-mp-neil-parish-broke-law-by-watching-porn-in-commons

This British MP must have been so bored with legislative proceedings on those two sitting days he chose to surf porn on his phone, in the house of commons no less!

For mine, I hope the book is thrown at him, but on reading the article, you may well walk away as I did thinking that this bloke will get away with it just as so many before him have previously.

My bet is a deal will be done and the disgraced MP will be shown the door with his entitlements in tact and told to stay low for a year or two.

And with that potential action, society will miss another opportunity for change.

Which brings me to the conundrum of actually achieving any change in this space.

Can it be done?

In Australia we have had our fair share of problems like this over the years with the most recent in our own parliament house being conveniently dry-cleaned away.

Thankfully, it was referred to the court after a tonne of public pressure was put on the incumbent government but it’s clear to observers and those paying attention that without that pressure, it would have been swept under the carpet just as the “Prayer Room” & desk wanking incidents have been.

Thankfully though, we have an election here soon and there are a number of female independents running.

My great hope is that our lower house cross-bench seats are increased forcing the party holding a seat majority (but not enough to form government (in Aust, you need 76 seats)), to negotiate with a block of independents for confidence & supply hopefully guaranteeing some action on matters of sexuality within politics.

These actions, if forthcoming in politics will bring further much needed flow on effects to wider society.

Maybe this is an outcome we will see?

I hope so. And I hope this is an outcome in this term of government. If not, the pressure will continue as more scandals come to light.

Because clearly, Men aren’t going to learn any other way.

Cheers

AES

Prison Sex – Tool

‘I suffered for my rage’: Sofia Helin on Lust, The Bridge and the collapse of Sweden’s #MeToo movement (via Guardian Aust).

Hi all,

This looks interesting.

It has a great show motto for a start ” Sex is the highway to health” but whilst this is a strong sentence well worth exploring further in its own right, the show – Lust – looks really interesting itself.

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2022/apr/12/i-suffered-for-my-rage-sofia-helin-on-lust-the-bridge-and-the-collapse-of-swedens-metoo-movement

Please have a look if it’s something that interests you. I will definitely be having a look for it and hope that it shows on SBS here in Australia because I have interest in another bloody streaming subscription.

Anyway, that’s me for this short & sweet post.

Adios

AES

Iron Vagina’s. (via Stark Raving on Medium)

Hi all,

Checkity, check this folks…

https://link.medium.com/WZu0HfJKRob

I love this woman already. VAGINA…VAGINA…VAGINA…moooore…VAGINA. I hope it continues to be shouted from the rooftops…

Pussy – In Your Face!

Vagina…a beautiful word. I am strongly of the opinion that until such time this word can be spoken without shame and displayed in all its beauty as the gateway to life as we know it, we will struggle as a society with our sexuality.

And whilst we are on the subject of iron Vagina’s, I remember years ago reading about a device that could be inserted and used to build strong muscles in the pelvic region. It would give the user a pressure readout during contraction which would give the user a baseline strength level to work on as needed.

I used to see it advertised in an aerobics magazine I to read/buy on occasion.

I don’t think it is available anymore mainly because aerobics en masse is out of fashion. But it was a genius idea for women to use to build that pelvic floor strength and potentially never have to worry about accidents and embarrassment or pads.

For mine, I am a fan of her approach especially if there is some sound body science behind it.

Please click through to read the article if it interests you noting that Medium is a subscription service and a brilliant one at that.

I have been raving out it for years. Please consider subscribing.

Your brain will thank you.

Enjoy

AES

Only half of US adolescents receive adequate sex education — and Black and Hispanic youth are especially left behind.

Hi all,

I have spoken at length about sex education on this blog with the aim of trying to assist ongoing education in this important area of human development in my small way.

I was though saddened to read this just now as reported in Psypost and written by Beth Ellwood;

https://www.psypost.org/2022/03/only-half-of-us-adolescents-receive-adequate-sex-education-and-black-and-hispanic-youth-are-especially-left-behind-62664

This study says that sex education was better 25 years ago. Wow!

So why is that? Is this the pendulum of conservatism showing its hand or religion or both. Or is this something else altogether?

I am confused and genuinely interested in reading the article again and properly this time to see what has influenced this ordinary result.

If you read this article and have an opinion on it, please add a comment as I would like to understand this research and it subsequent results better.

BTW – here’s a link to the Reddit feed I found this article in…

https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/t4z38e/only_half_of_us_adolescents_receive_adequate_sex

Cheers

AES

Ireland, like the rest of us, has a way to go…

Hi all,

I just read the link below. My thanks to Caelainn Hogan for writing the article “Ashling Murphy killing has shocked Ireland – but will it change a culture of misogyny?” as found in Guardian Australia.

Please have a read of the link below and make up your own mind.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jan/18/ashling-murphy-ireland-misogyny-attack-violence

I am not Irish, nor live in Ireland so I can’t comment directly but I can comment briefly on the prevailing attitude to women in this country – Australia.

Less than a year ago thousands of protesting women called it out in this country after failure upon failure in regards to women, their safety, their opportunities in society and for many other reasons. The last straw in breaking the camel’s back, was the alleged rape of Brittany Higgins in no lesser venue than…our fucking Parliament House!

Our Prime Minister, who is is on record as saying something occasionally on women and their plight and then largely doing something a smidge above nothing is up for relection in a few months.

Frankly, I hope the women of Australia collectively vote his arse onto the opposition backbench. Have a read of the article linked below as reported on SBS Australia today if you want to understand the anger felt in regards to his “fiddle around the edges approach” on women’s issues.

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/deadline-for-feedback-on-plan-to-end-violence-against-women-extended-after-backlash

Anyhoo, as shite as things are for half the population at times, times are a changing.

But they don’t change by themselves. You need to get involved because democracy, the engine of change – not unlike a sourdough starter, is a beast that needs to be fed regularly.

Mr Jeff Sparrow, a freelance journalist and one time breakfaster on Melbourne’s 3RRR (magnificent diverse radio) summed it up best in yesterday’s article in Guardian Australia;

“Democracy isn’t an institution. It’s a practice – and, as such, it becomes stronger through use”.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/jan/18/in-an-era-of-rightwing-populism-we-cannot-destroy-democracy-in-order-to-save-it

I really enjoyed this article above as it highlights somewhat for me why the apathy towards politics exists that I have seen in the general populace for a long time. Hint, we aren’t being listened to.

Please, get involved and let’s make change together.

Cheers

AES

Manic Street Preachers – If You Tolerate This, Then Your Children Will Be Next

If Women Don’t Want To Be Treated as Sex Objects, Why Do They Dress Provocatively?

via Medium by Katie Jgin.

Hi all,

I really enjoyed this read. I think Katie has produced a well-balanced article worthy of as many pairs of eyes as possible.

It spoke to me in many ways but this paragraph amongst many in the article definitely stood out;

“But one thing that remains constant across various periods and patriarchal societies is the assumption that the female body exists, first and foremost, for male sexual and viewing pleasure.”

As a male of 50 years of age, this is a crystal clear statement to me. I have seen women treated poorly ever since I first could comprehend it. And FACT – It’s still going on right now. 43 women died at the hands of men in 2021 apparently. How many men died at the hands of women?

But don’t get me wrong, there is a silver lining. I have seen a lot of change and yes, things are moving forward still but it’s doing so at a glacial pace.

Thankfully in Australia we have a major election soon and discussion around women has been front and centre so it will be interesting to see if it resonates loudly enough with enough of the electorate to influence some faster change.

The link to the article is below but you are going to need a subscription to access it. I think Medium have a trial like many sites and that maybe a way to access it.

But as I have said many times, I think that a Mefium sub is extremely worthwhile because there is something for everyone on Medium. It’s a great place to learn from others.

https://link.medium.com/Z6fc87YVgmb

Anyhoo, that’s me for this one. Happy New Year to you and yours and thanks for stopping by this odd little blog that I really enjoy writing.

I hope you find something that excites a few neurons and takes you on you own journey as it has for me over a number of years now.

Cheers

AES

Green Day – Basket Case

If you really care about the safety of sex workers like me, let us make our own choices (via The Guardian Aust).

Hi all,

I enjoyed this article, again from The Guardian Australia also.

They are putting up some good stuff on all things sexuality of late.

Georgie Wolf is on the money in this post as linked below.

And I am for anything that shines sunlight on the oldest profession in the world because it very much needs it but that change as Georgie aludes to needs to be led by those on the ground, doing the actual work, not by politicians in offices far removed from reality.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/nov/25/if-you-really-care-about-the-safety-of-sex-workers-like-me-let-us-make-our-own-choices

The Reason Party here in Victoria, led by Fiona Patten is doing great things in this space, but also the Vixen Collective and others, who I am not across and apologies in advance on that, are also helping to bring light to a profession that needs it, to educate those who use services such as sex work and help to remove the stigma’s that very much still exists in this country when it comes to anything sexuality.

All in all, we are getting there slowly, beating back the bigots and blinkered and I for one am stoked to see small incremental change happening.

AES

Jamiroquai – Bad Girls

The Women Bringing Sex Ed to the Arab World – New York Times via @inkl

Just wow!

Oh…hi all.

I just came across this and it has knocked me out temporarily. This post is going to end here, but please read the NYT article at the link.

https://inkl.com/a/PLqjXWiGwRb

Ok, it’s a day or so past when I posted this and I am still a little shocked, but happy that education about sex is finally trickling down.

I am also extremely 🙏 for living in a secular country.

Women here are still fighting an uphill battle in many of these areas but things are changing for the better by the day.

Mad props to Mona Eltahawy for what she is doing also.

Check her out on Patreon if you can and please support her work. She is sticking it to the man and I, as a man, love this.

All in all, my heart goes out to any and all women who are oppressed and who can’t get access to simple sexual education. I do hope things keep changing in your countries and communities.

AES

Affirmative Consent…more support needed.

Hi all,

The article at the link below is a potent read and I implore you to venture down this rabbit hole if you, like me are tired of the multitudes of stories in which men (largely) are left wanting in this area of human sexuality.

I have been carrying on like a pork-chop for years on this blog about the need for robust, comprehensive and mostly better sexual education in this country and its clear in reading this article that – we ain’t there yet.

But on the positive tip, things are getting better. 2021, as Saxon mentions has been a year in which change has trickled down and left those of us who care deeply about this and many other issues around gender feeling like the winds of change are rising.

https://www.thesaturdaypaper.com.au/share/12928/cIJGuT9

But they can only rise to a level where genuine change can happen (legislation) when enough people want change and are prepared to give up some of their time to vote and chaperone that change past and through the many obstacles in its path.

A federal election is coming (and I will post more on that soon) and so I ask;

Will you stand still and allow the standard you accept to move on by or will you step up and say something?

I hope it’s the latter. For everyone’s sake.

Regards

AES