Category: Sexual Education

If you don’t want your husband to masturbate… Guess what?

By Dr Samantha Rodman via Medium.

Hi all,

Dr Samantha Rodman “like totally” on point in this post on Medium.

She makes some very valid points IMHO with the main takeaway for me being consensus & compromise.

I wonder how many relationships this particular need affects?

With divorce rates as high as they are I think it would be a solid water to say this issue is definitely in the mix, probably not as a top tier issue but definitely in the shadows lurking and playing it’s part in any life decisions that are made.

Anyway, short & sweet this morning. I hope those of you who read the link get something from the doc’s post.

And please consider supporting Medium or at the least buying the writers that help open our minds a coffee once in a blue moon.

Tis’ a beautiful thing.

Cheers

AES

Kenny Wayne Shepherd – Blue On Black

What I learned from a threesome.

By Patricia Druckerman via Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

I just came across this article. Patricia Druckerman writes a good write and I expect if you click through, you also may find it an enjoyable read.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/23/what-i-learned-from-a-threesome-pamela-druckerman

She covers many interesting points, all of which I would contend factor into our sex lives at one point or another on the journey.

What stood out to me the most was her paragraph towards the end of the article wherein she mentions the male gaze and the tiredness I certainly feel (and I gather many other men of or around my vintage feel) in regards to seeking out sex.

All in all though, I commend her for writing about the experience and all of the baggage that was accumulated from the planning through to the physical act and then additionally writing about it and the barrage of opinions, good & bad that rebounded back at her.

Lastly, I will leave you with an interesting thought. My next post will be commentary on new research that states we are having less sex than at any time previous in history.

This is very interesting to me and I am keen to unpack, write about it and try to understand the “why” as best I can.

Anyway, until the next time inspiration strikes… Adios.

AES

MONEY SHOT: The Pornhub Story.

via Netflix.

Quite true tis…

Hi all,

Finally got around to taking a look at this. Money Shot: The Pornhub Story

Hi all,

I have been interested in the subject of pornography since I started this bloggy journey 10 or so years ago.

And it’s interesting that generally speaking, a good deal of the core issues that existed back then, still exist now and probably will continue to exist when this chapter (cheekily entitled by me as) “Ch.1729; The Pornhub Chronicles” is gathering dust.

The big four layers for mine are… but know that there are many other layers which when combined bring us to our current point on this journey.

POWER – as long as humans have existed there has always been those who sought to have/hold more power than others and exert that power, unfortunately a lot of the time with the individual or a minority in mind vice one and all. Power initially cracked open the rich/poor divide that was further exploited & widened by dear old $$$ a bit further down the track.

RELIGION – The way I see it is that there are and always will be a driving section of the religious community, call them evangelicals or whatever you want who think pornography, sex (other than in the dark, between a man & woman with the purpose of procreation in mind) etc. is the root of all evil. They have and will continue to be around (and bleat) as long as we are around.

$$$ – Then next up is dear old money, profit etc. No introduction needed here. Most every company on the planet is exploiting what it can get away with to keep shareholders happy and thus ensure bonuses are paid (usually to and for the few vice the many). Check out this fine example from the last few days on Philly water by Arwa Mahdawi

♀️♂️ – And lastly is sex. Again, no introduction needed. It is what it is but slowly it’s coming out of the dark where powerful men have kept it for way too long. This is a good thing.

8.5/10 – This documentary is a really good watch if you’re interested in the trials & tribulations of pornography and want to understand the scale of this subject. It’s biiiiggg I tells ya!

And after watching it, the position I have taken for a number of years now has only been further reinforced. Which for those who are interested is;

Whilst I accept and will listen to the views of those in religious communities who try to push the line that pornography is the baddest if the bad, I will never agree with them because they are, in my opinion, way out of touch with how many now live their lives or strive to live a life, as equals.

Those with views like this are welcome to espouse them but they better come armed with facts and truth because if what they state can’t be verified & validated, they will be off my Christmas list and should seriously consider getting together and seceding as a state to piss-off out of the lives of those who accept that change is inevitable, with a few bumps & bruises along the way.

And big business… where do you start? Capitalism thrives on exploitation and as to fixing that, best of luck. That said, even in my most pessimistic times, I still advocate doing your research and voting well and if you can, engage with your local politician and make them earn their remuneration. Change is gonna come.

So in summary yes, it’s clear that Pornhub put a target on its own chest somewhat and I can see that they had both good and bad motives in mind when doing this. They stuck out their neck where others wouldn’t and it came a little to close to the guillotine that whizzed past their nose. All this said, I do hope that they start allowing verified content to be sold again to customers but I won’t be holding my breath.

What is crystal clear to me is that this problem has so many layers and you can’t fix this problem without addressing all the issues flagged within these layers that have conveniently been kicked under the rug for way too long now.

So while they say late in the doco that it’s an internet problem, I know better that it’s more of a problem that first started between men, women & power , then religion got involved, then money and now the internet.

So can it be fixed… hmmm?

I don’t know.

AES

Brian & Thomas Owens – Change Is Gonna Come.

Lauren Boebert will be a grandmother at 36. This is what conservatives want for us.

By Arwa Mahdawi via Guardian Australia.

Morning all,

This article originally appeared in my Reddit feed but after reading the article I felt it needed to be shared.

Arwa IMHO is absolutely spot on with her commentary of this issue generally.

Clearly though, this is a private matter for Boebert, her son & teenage mother to be, but I can’t help but feel for these young people, but not Boebert (she’s just a shit-stirrer).

The SCOTUS decision on Roe vs Wade was a moment in time that dragged U.S. society back into the cave, or, if using this article as a template, back into modern day rural United States (although I hope there are rural areas bucking this recent push?).

Please have a read of the top article, although I did also enjoy the short pieces she also penned on art & free speech and the women swimming topless in Berlin.

All in all, human sexuality and gender issues are always going to be pull-push until enough people vote these issues into a position where society changes for good and conservatives finally work out that hey, women are the equals of men and deserve equality across the board.

Until that time though, it’s game on so please read widely, educate yourself and speak up when and where you can in the hope that we can (at the very least) balance thinking like Boebert’s with widely available resources in all areas for those women who want to or need to use them.

But my great hope is that one day we can finally eliminate thinking like this.

AES

Bruce Springsteen – The River (live)

Why women are sick and tired of having sex with men.

By Katie Jgin via Medium.

Hi all,

I really enjoyed this read. But honestly there’s nothing really new in this post for those of us at the coalface with our trusty Canary in the cage about a metre away chirping it’s little beak off about all the many things Katie covers.

It does though lay out the many and varied reasons in well structured post why humanity finds itself at this sexual junction.

FWIW and drawn from on a life lived listening to men talk about these subjects I would contend that a large majority of men still aren’t listening to women in regards to sex so I tend to agree with Katie, that this sexual drought maybe something that, whilst slow in coming to a final policy position, is a change that just might stick around in society for a long time if not forever.

It also brings me back to the post I wrote about Iceland here. A great bit of TV if you are interested in how a progressive nation is working on these problems.

Please have a read of her article and if you are game leave a comment either here or there. I am keen to hear what other punters have to say on the topic of sexuality and gender and where the merry-go-round stops… or doesn’t stop?

Anyhoo, that’s me and my inspo exhausted for today.

Catch you all in the next post.

AES

Cold Chisel – Merry-Go-Round (live)

Catholic schools hang on for dear life to the shame of homosexuality by David Marr.

By David Marr via Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

Just read this and loved it. David Marr on the enduring business and ethical model of far to many churches… that they clearly refuse to move on from.

I was baptised back in the day at a tiny seaside town church but since that day have barely stepped foot in a church.

I have had a few people along the journey ask me to come and join in with their congregation but I never did and looking back on that decision now, I made the right one.

For me the big issue with the church is gender balance. It’s bloke world for the most part still although there are churches with female ministers/pastors, they are few and far between and as I understand it Anglican or other branches of Christianity.

Then there’s this issue, homosexuality. And as David Marr correctly concludes in the article above its a hill they are seemingly prepared to die on.

It’s a pity that many in the church can’t or won’t get their head around what I consider, the longer I live, to be normal sexual behaviour.

Maybe with Cardinal Pell now gone, they might start to change course and I hope that happens because the church has much to offer society.

Anyhoo, that’s my little rant for today. Please click through to David’s article if this subject is something that you are interested in.

Regards

AES

To the Andrew Tate disciples who feel downtrodden by society: straight white men are still winning.

by Zoya Patel via The Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

The mess that is toxic masculinity has been on my radar for a while most notably via an article on Incels that I put up on this blog in Oct 2021 when this word was reaching a lot of our ears for the first time.

Zoya Patel, a lady whom I don’t think I have come across previously wrote this yesterday which I enjoyed. Please have a read and I hope you appreciate her take on the men that make up this cohort.

Additionally, I came across this in Medium yesterday by Katie Jgin. It’s another great read that in addition to Zoya’s article will provide you with the armament needed to discuss this hodge-podge movement of piss-poor men when and if inspiration strikes.

Part of me says I should provide some balance at this point but after thinking about this for a bit I came to the conclusion that these entitled men don’t deserve a fair trial because since we first walked out of the cave and split into numerous directions, men have held sway.

That imbalance has been correcting for a long time now and will continue and I for one will be doing whatever I can whilst I can to keep that pendulum swinging until women are true equals.

Anyway, that’s me for this one. Drop a comment if inspiration strikes otherwise catch you in the next post.

AES

John Butler Trio – Better Man

My First Post…on Medium!

by AES via Medium.

Hi all,

Happy New Year. Welcome to 2023.

I wrote this around the middle of 2022 because it was needed. I was living a lie of a life and I couldn’t carry the load anymore.

It’s me talking about Herpes and the interesting ride it has been.

https://link.medium.com/StQVtRChfwb

I am glad I wrote this. The time was right.

I plan to back this post up IDC and will put this up here also.

Enjoy

AES

4 Reasons He Loves Giving You Creampies.

by Nicole Mackenna via Medium.

Hi all,

This is an updated post. It was very ordinary in its original guise and needed some TLC IMHO. I hope it reads better than version 1.0.

Creampie; A verb that describes the act of condomless (unprotected) sex and ejaculating inside of a vagina or anus. The act of not pulling the penis out of the vagina or anus and ejaculating inside.

Hmmm… firstly, whomever came up with this word I do not know but it seems, at least from my perspective rather content in our lexicon of sexual words of late. Type it in the next time you surf porn and you will see what I mean.

For mine, it’s yet another interesting, complex and somewhat touchy subject that I want to expand on briefly in this post with my one cents worth. But first I think you should read Nicole’s excellent post at this link to get the full gist of where I think our “two peas in a pod” heads are at on this subject.

But before I go any further, serious kudos to Nicole for broaching this subject on Medium. Talking about a subject like this that is still seemingly firmly entrenched in the crude, disgusting field of play for mine takes courage. It need not be like this.

IMO there is nothing better, sexier, more loving etc. than moving with your partner to mutual orgasm and depositing your seed deep inside her body. Hugs, smooches, cuddles and other things that show your partner(s) that you love them are up there, but this the creme de la creme (pardon the pun).

All that said, I am sensible enough to understand that there are consequences that accompany this action and whilst a beautiful and amazing part of lovemaking it rarely is ever as simple as that.

AES SOAPBOX ALERT… Ok, I am about to blather on again. And this dear readers is why I carry on about sexual communication as I do and try to broach contraversial topics like this as best I can. Mostly it’s because I want to see this subject discussed and understood primarily by men who atleast during the life I have lived have ejaculated much but talked and understood little about the power of their sperm.

And women get a guernsey too. My great and evental hope is that as part of the balancing of genders that is moving apace presently, reproduction will be discussed more between women and men. It’s definitely in a better place than the 70’s when I was born and I hope the methodical change keeps coming.

Straight up, if you are reading this post and blog generally I reckon you probably already have a good understanding about communication in a relationship and aren’t afraid to discuss the nuts & bolts of sexuality.

You know that I know that you know its so important and something that really needs to be worked on constantly until all needs, wants and importantly no go zones are as clear as a mountain stream in both partners minds. Dig! (as spoken Groove Is In The Heart style).

Unfortunately it seems still not enough happens and I don’t know why that it specifically but I know for a fact there’s a myriad of factors at play and with every relationship having a different deck of cards dealt… it always gonna get messy!

My take… In my life thus far thinking back about the times when I was with women and the level of communication entered into prior to us taking our sexual liberties with each other and post the act, it was somewhere between minimal and none.

I regret those missed communication opportunities but I know for a fact I was but a boy learning as I went along, breaking hearts and learning the hard way as the rule.

What’s that saying… Youth is wasted on the young. So bloody true tis.

For those paying attention I think it’s fair at this point to out (strongly) one of those factors – sex education.

I, like many of us received only the barest bones of sexual education in my formative years. The important years where you are learning about yourself at 200kph, hormones racing and where everything is a blur. We collectively need to do better here.

All the negative shiz out of the way I know for a fact that sex-ed is improving and changing across multiple fronts and this makes me happy. But we are far from nirvana yet so please, keep talking where and when you can about sex because every conversation that breaks down a taboo, even by a tiny margin helps.

It’s these conversations that make the world a better place so chop, chop people… get to it you lot. We have a better world to build, one discussion at a time.

Anyhoo, that’s me for 2022. Thanks again for your patronage, comments and support.

I bid you adieu for 22.

AES

Love this song…

Woman In Chains – Tears For Fears (Live)

/IAmA Professional Smut Writer, Portarossa

via Reddit, https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/zwntgy/i_am_hazel_redgate_aka_portarossa_and_ive_been_a professional smut writer for 9 years.

Hi all,

I came across this thread on Reddit this morning and I am really enjoying the questions posed by the community and answers supplied by u/Portarossa. Please click through and have a read yourself if it’s something that interests you. Her deep dives sound really interesting as does her writing generally.

As for moi, I have written about erotica a little previously specifically as viewed through the lens of Medium.

I absolutely love some of the writers on there and how they can tease out a story and raise my temperature enough to, as someone mentions in the thread, needing rub one out!

I have not come across this lady previously but am stoked to stumble across her work because kind of like Dipsea and Medium, fantasy’s are so much better with some detail in the mix.

Anyway, will leave it here and try to get my updated creampie post out before the clock strikes midnight on NY Eve.

I have reworked it about 10 times so far and whilst I am close to happy, it refuses to flow for me. #bugger.

Catch you next time,

AES

Why Guys Love DP Porn?

by Nicole MacKenna via Medium.

Hi all,

I don’t have much to say about this linked blog below other than I enjoyed the read.

IMHO Nicole has written a balanced post on the subject of double penetration. It is yet another sexual act of many that resides in the grey zone and which is rarely discussed but noting the amount of it on porn channels, it clearly makes a buck for those producing it.

FYI and not that it is relevant but DP isnt something that I gravitate towards when watching pornography as frankly I find it too dominating and that is really rather a turn-off for moi.

But it is definitely another subject that I want to dig into in an effort to understand the psychology behind the act and I think Nicole’s post goes a way towards that outcome.

https://link.medium.com/4H1vfArjUvb

Anyhoo, please click through if you, like me are interested in “the why” behind the sexual act that is double penetration.

Cheers & Sexy Christmas wishes to all.

AES

Thanks readers.

Dec 2022 update.

Hi all,

Just a quick post to say thanks to all those people who have clicked into this humble little blog in 2022.

This has been my biggest year ever traffic wise and for that I thank you.

As you are well aware, this site is pure and unadulterated random on all things human sexuality, biased somewhat (although I try not too) towards those things I am really interested in within this massive topic that we all grapple with on a daily basis.

Anyhoo, I am going to spend some time over the break to have a fresh look at the site and see if there is anything I can do to keep the visitors coming.

That means continuing to look at my posts and updating them to 2022 standards. A task I genuinely struggle with as part of me wants to leave them in the past to revisit on occasion to gauge how much I have grown within this topic.

But another part of my brain says move on amigo because whilst the past is valuable in regards to learning and growing, if you have bridged the gap, just update the posts and continue the journey.

Because sexuality, not unlike democracy is a journey that few if any ever master.

Keep moving forward…

Merry Christmas all. Catch you in ’23.

AES

Wham – Last Christmas

‘I haven’t been seen as a sexual option’: SBS series Latecomers to ‘rip apart’ sex and disability on screen.

Hi all,

This show looks really good and I reckon I will check it out.

It does my head in how we treat disabled people. We are all so involved in our own little worlds that these people rarely if ever come into view for most people.

And a show like this largely justifies that statement. Seriously, ask yourself…when was the last time, if ever, you have thought about how disabled people find intimacy?

I am not trying to push buttons because I am no angel either. The best I have on that account is that I am aware of some sex workers who offer their services to disabled people.

Other than that, it wasn’t on my radar either, and that is yet another failure of modern society IMHO

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2022/nov/30/latecomers-new-sbs-tv-series-sex-and-disability-on-screen

The other reason I want to watch this is because Nina Oyama is one of the show’s writers.

She is a very funny and liberal comedian and I like her humour. Here she is at MCF if you want to check her out.

Anyhoo, when it’s all said and done, the good news is by discussing topics like this it’s clear we are moving forward as a society even though if at times it feels like we are going backwards.

AES

Freedom – George Michael

My lover says he can’t leave his wife and child for me just yet. Is he being dishonest? (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

Disclaimer – writing this at 5:30 in the morning…buggered if I know why, but the article below opened my word tap. Here goes…

I am going to try, with the most important word in this paragraph being try, to work through the column a little (which contains multiple questions) at the link below.

The premise is that two people have hooked up at work, one of which has fallen emotionally for the other after 3 months.

That person is the initiator of the questions and honestly it isn’t a bad read. And additionally the resulting short and sweet dig into some of questions that arise within the column are timely and balanced. Please click into the link and have a read yourself. I would love to hear others thoughts on this one as it seems to be a regular issue that pops up between men and women and I (and I hope you also) would really like to make some mental ground on this broken record, once and for all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/28/my-lover-says-he-cant-leave-his-wife-and-child-for-me-is-he-being-dishonest

Whilst you are doing that, here’s a few thoughts from moi that continue to circulate in this here brain.

Why can’t we love more than one person? I mean, seriously, why do we default to, and I will use a female friends take on this from a while back when we were each considering the pro’s and con’s of hopping into bed with each other.

I was at a stage were I wanted more sex, a common refrain from men yes but one that women are embracing more and more these days thankfully. I was in a relationship, she was single and she knocked me back because in her words, she didn’t just want a piece of chocolate cake, she wanted the whole cake.

I have ruminated on that statement for years and I think it has been the statement which has helped me steer my course through the relationship minefield (an analogy I like and for mine is fitting) somewhat and certainly one that put (and continues to put) wind in my polyamory leaning sails.

How, you may be asking? Well, whilst it’s clear to this little black duck that polyamory is tough and takes constant maintenance and vigilance to keep the relationship humming along, I much prefer this to the pervasive default unto which the majority of us continue to subscribe.

That being “the one” mentality.

Seriously, I consider this idea to be the largest crock of crap and one that weighs down the potential of human beings to be their best and “love many” in the short time on this planet we are given.

Why do we do this? And yes, I understand that the answer is complex and different for every person somewhat but seriously people, I really hope that with the subtle changes that we are seeing within society and specifically with women, that we might just release a few of those weights holding SS POLYAMORY down and let at least part of that beautiful airship sniff the wind a little higher up.

And before I cark it, I would love to see a world in which the default (damn, I can’t remember the word that goes here – as mentioned in Sex At Dawn), would be this (in my view) lazy bloody relationship default being further eroded within society and put in its place as a refuge for those who still subscribe to the pale, stale male & female, marriage with affairs on the side as a way to live and love.

Locking oneself down is not for me, but hey, I have always been a thinker and feeler. Some might say, a little too much but I am happy in my own skin.

What are your thoughts on the column and ranty-pants comments below it?

I hope to hear from you,

Regards

AES

Crowded House – Chocolate Cake

Interesting…and about bloody time!

Hi all,

If you crossed paths with the news in the last 48 hours you may have heard something about this at the link below.

https://theconversation.com/a-new-national-plan-aims-to-end-violence-against-women-and-children-in-one-generation-can-it-succeed-192497

I saw it on Sunday but wanted to see an outline of the detail and as per usual The Conversation has come through.

It’s an ambitious plan and one I support fully because you don’t have to be Einstein to know we have a problem with violence against women, and it isn’t isolated to Australia either.

And I am glad to see politicians setting the level of the bar with policy so all states, territories and the individuals who inhabit them can see the high water mark and aim for it.

It’s been a long time coming in Australia with the conservatives who ruled over us since 2014 clearly preferring no change to the existing order and for mine that just isn’t good enough.

But I guess that’s why they lost 6-7 seats to independents, and frankly I will be happy to see a few more go from both major political parties at the next election.

Anyhoo, soz for bringing politics into this blog but this connects strongly with my understanding of the problem of violence against women so I thought I would share.

Have a lovely day,

AES

The Doves – There Goes The Fear