To the Andrew Tate disciples who feel downtrodden by society: straight white men are still winning.

by Zoya Patel via The Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

The mess that is toxic masculinity has been on my radar for a while most notably via an article on Incels that I put up on this blog in Oct 2021 when this word was reaching a lot of our ears for the first time.

Zoya Patel, a lady whom I don’t think I have come across previously wrote this yesterday which I enjoyed. Please have a read and I hope you appreciate her take on the men that make up this cohort.

Additionally, I came across this in Medium yesterday by Katie Jgin. It’s another great read that in addition to Zoya’s article will provide you with the armament needed to discuss this hodge-podge movement of piss-poor men when and if inspiration strikes.

Part of me says I should provide some balance at this point but after thinking about this for a bit I came to the conclusion that these entitled men don’t deserve a fair trial because since we first walked out of the cave and split into numerous directions, men have held sway.

That imbalance has been correcting for a long time now and will continue and I for one will be doing whatever I can whilst I can to keep that pendulum swinging until women are true equals.

Anyway, that’s me for this one. Drop a comment if inspiration strikes otherwise catch you in the next post.

AES

John Butler Trio – Better Man

My First Post…on Medium!

by AES via Medium.

Hi all,

Happy New Year. Welcome to 2023.

I wrote this around the middle of 2022 because it was needed. I was living a lie of a life and I couldn’t carry the load anymore.

It’s me talking about Herpes and the interesting ride it has been.

https://link.medium.com/StQVtRChfwb

I am glad I wrote this. The time was right.

I plan to back this post up IDC and will put this up here also.

Enjoy

AES

4 Reasons He Loves Giving You Creampies.

by Nicole Mackenna via Medium.

Hi all,

This is an updated post. It was very ordinary in its original guise and needed some TLC IMHO. I hope it reads better than version 1.0.

Creampie; A verb that describes the act of condomless (unprotected) sex and ejaculating inside of a vagina or anus. The act of not pulling the penis out of the vagina or anus and ejaculating inside.

Hmmm… firstly, whomever came up with this word I do not know but it seems, at least from my perspective rather content in our lexicon of sexual words of late. Type it in the next time you surf porn and you will see what I mean.

For mine, it’s yet another interesting, complex and somewhat touchy subject that I want to expand on briefly in this post with my one cents worth. But first I think you should read Nicole’s excellent post at this link to get the full gist of where I think our “two peas in a pod” heads are at on this subject.

But before I go any further, serious kudos to Nicole for broaching this subject on Medium. Talking about a subject like this that is still seemingly firmly entrenched in the crude, disgusting field of play for mine takes courage. It need not be like this.

IMO there is nothing better, sexier, more loving etc. than moving with your partner to mutual orgasm and depositing your seed deep inside her body. Hugs, smooches, cuddles and other things that show your partner(s) that you love them are up there, but this the creme de la creme (pardon the pun).

All that said, I am sensible enough to understand that there are consequences that accompany this action and whilst a beautiful and amazing part of lovemaking it rarely is ever as simple as that.

AES SOAPBOX ALERT… Ok, I am about to blather on again. And this dear readers is why I carry on about sexual communication as I do and try to broach contraversial topics like this as best I can. Mostly it’s because I want to see this subject discussed and understood primarily by men who atleast during the life I have lived have ejaculated much but talked and understood little about the power of their sperm.

And women get a guernsey too. My great and evental hope is that as part of the balancing of genders that is moving apace presently, reproduction will be discussed more between women and men. It’s definitely in a better place than the 70’s when I was born and I hope the methodical change keeps coming.

Straight up, if you are reading this post and blog generally I reckon you probably already have a good understanding about communication in a relationship and aren’t afraid to discuss the nuts & bolts of sexuality.

You know that I know that you know its so important and something that really needs to be worked on constantly until all needs, wants and importantly no go zones are as clear as a mountain stream in both partners minds. Dig! (as spoken Groove Is In The Heart style).

Unfortunately it seems still not enough happens and I don’t know why that it specifically but I know for a fact there’s a myriad of factors at play and with every relationship having a different deck of cards dealt… it always gonna get messy!

My take… In my life thus far thinking back about the times when I was with women and the level of communication entered into prior to us taking our sexual liberties with each other and post the act, it was somewhere between minimal and none.

I regret those missed communication opportunities but I know for a fact I was but a boy learning as I went along, breaking hearts and learning the hard way as the rule.

What’s that saying… Youth is wasted on the young. So bloody true tis.

For those paying attention I think it’s fair at this point to out (strongly) one of those factors – sex education.

I, like many of us received only the barest bones of sexual education in my formative years. The important years where you are learning about yourself at 200kph, hormones racing and where everything is a blur. We collectively need to do better here.

All the negative shiz out of the way I know for a fact that sex-ed is improving and changing across multiple fronts and this makes me happy. But we are far from nirvana yet so please, keep talking where and when you can about sex because every conversation that breaks down a taboo, even by a tiny margin helps.

It’s these conversations that make the world a better place so chop, chop people… get to it you lot. We have a better world to build, one discussion at a time.

Anyhoo, that’s me for 2022. Thanks again for your patronage, comments and support.

I bid you adieu for 22.

AES

Love this song…

Woman In Chains – Tears For Fears (Live)

/IAmA Professional Smut Writer, Portarossa

via Reddit, https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/zwntgy/i_am_hazel_redgate_aka_portarossa_and_ive_been_a professional smut writer for 9 years.

Hi all,

I came across this thread on Reddit this morning and I am really enjoying the questions posed by the community and answers supplied by u/Portarossa. Please click through and have a read yourself if it’s something that interests you. Her deep dives sound really interesting as does her writing generally.

As for moi, I have written about erotica a little previously specifically as viewed through the lens of Medium.

I absolutely love some of the writers on there and how they can tease out a story and raise my temperature enough to, as someone mentions in the thread, needing rub one out!

I have not come across this lady previously but am stoked to stumble across her work because kind of like Dipsea and Medium, fantasy’s are so much better with some detail in the mix.

Anyway, will leave it here and try to get my updated creampie post out before the clock strikes midnight on NY Eve.

I have reworked it about 10 times so far and whilst I am close to happy, it refuses to flow for me. #bugger.

Catch you next time,

AES

Why Guys Love DP Porn?

by Nicole MacKenna via Medium.

Hi all,

I don’t have much to say about this linked blog below other than I enjoyed the read.

IMHO Nicole has written a balanced post on the subject of double penetration. It is yet another sexual act of many that resides in the grey zone and which is rarely discussed but noting the amount of it on porn channels, it clearly makes a buck for those producing it.

FYI and not that it is relevant but DP isnt something that I gravitate towards when watching pornography as frankly I find it too dominating and that is really rather a turn-off for moi.

But it is definitely another subject that I want to dig into in an effort to understand the psychology behind the act and I think Nicole’s post goes a way towards that outcome.

https://link.medium.com/4H1vfArjUvb

Anyhoo, please click through if you, like me are interested in “the why” behind the sexual act that is double penetration.

Cheers & Sexy Christmas wishes to all.

AES

‘I haven’t been seen as a sexual option’: SBS series Latecomers to ‘rip apart’ sex and disability on screen.

Hi all,

This show looks really good and I reckon I will check it out.

It does my head in how we treat disabled people. We are all so involved in our own little worlds that these people rarely if ever come into view for most people.

And a show like this largely justifies that statement. Seriously, ask yourself…when was the last time, if ever, you have thought about how disabled people find intimacy?

I am not trying to push buttons because I am no angel either. The best I have on that account is that I am aware of some sex workers who offer their services to disabled people.

Other than that, it wasn’t on my radar either, and that is yet another failure of modern society IMHO

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2022/nov/30/latecomers-new-sbs-tv-series-sex-and-disability-on-screen

The other reason I want to watch this is because Nina Oyama is one of the show’s writers.

She is a very funny and liberal comedian and I like her humour. Here she is at MCF if you want to check her out.

Anyhoo, when it’s all said and done, the good news is by discussing topics like this it’s clear we are moving forward as a society even though if at times it feels like we are going backwards.

AES

Freedom – George Michael

My lover says he can’t leave his wife and child for me just yet. Is he being dishonest? (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

Disclaimer – writing this at 5:30 in the morning…buggered if I know why, but the article below opened my word tap. Here goes…

I am going to try, with the most important word in this paragraph being try, to work through the column a little (which contains multiple questions) at the link below.

The premise is that two people have hooked up at work, one of which has fallen emotionally for the other after 3 months.

That person is the initiator of the questions and honestly it isn’t a bad read. And additionally the resulting short and sweet dig into some of questions that arise within the column are timely and balanced. Please click into the link and have a read yourself. I would love to hear others thoughts on this one as it seems to be a regular issue that pops up between men and women and I (and I hope you also) would really like to make some mental ground on this broken record, once and for all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/28/my-lover-says-he-cant-leave-his-wife-and-child-for-me-is-he-being-dishonest

Whilst you are doing that, here’s a few thoughts from moi that continue to circulate in this here brain.

Why can’t we love more than one person? I mean, seriously, why do we default to, and I will use a female friends take on this from a while back when we were each considering the pro’s and con’s of hopping into bed with each other.

I was at a stage were I wanted more sex, a common refrain from men yes but one that women are embracing more and more these days thankfully. I was in a relationship, she was single and she knocked me back because in her words, she didn’t just want a piece of chocolate cake, she wanted the whole cake.

I have ruminated on that statement for years and I think it has been the statement which has helped me steer my course through the relationship minefield (an analogy I like and for mine is fitting) somewhat and certainly one that put (and continues to put) wind in my polyamory leaning sails.

How, you may be asking? Well, whilst it’s clear to this little black duck that polyamory is tough and takes constant maintenance and vigilance to keep the relationship humming along, I much prefer this to the pervasive default unto which the majority of us continue to subscribe.

That being “the one” mentality.

Seriously, I consider this idea to be the largest crock of crap and one that weighs down the potential of human beings to be their best and “love many” in the short time on this planet we are given.

Why do we do this? And yes, I understand that the answer is complex and different for every person somewhat but seriously people, I really hope that with the subtle changes that we are seeing within society and specifically with women, that we might just release a few of those weights holding SS POLYAMORY down and let at least part of that beautiful airship sniff the wind a little higher up.

And before I cark it, I would love to see a world in which the default (damn, I can’t remember the word that goes here – as mentioned in Sex At Dawn), would be this (in my view) lazy bloody relationship default being further eroded within society and put in its place as a refuge for those who still subscribe to the pale, stale male & female, marriage with affairs on the side as a way to live and love.

Locking oneself down is not for me, but hey, I have always been a thinker and feeler. Some might say, a little too much but I am happy in my own skin.

What are your thoughts on the column and ranty-pants comments below it?

I hope to hear from you,

Regards

AES

Crowded House – Chocolate Cake

Interesting…and about bloody time!

Hi all,

If you crossed paths with the news in the last 48 hours you may have heard something about this at the link below.

https://theconversation.com/a-new-national-plan-aims-to-end-violence-against-women-and-children-in-one-generation-can-it-succeed-192497

I saw it on Sunday but wanted to see an outline of the detail and as per usual The Conversation has come through.

It’s an ambitious plan and one I support fully because you don’t have to be Einstein to know we have a problem with violence against women, and it isn’t isolated to Australia either.

And I am glad to see politicians setting the level of the bar with policy so all states, territories and the individuals who inhabit them can see the high water mark and aim for it.

It’s been a long time coming in Australia with the conservatives who ruled over us since 2014 clearly preferring no change to the existing order and for mine that just isn’t good enough.

But I guess that’s why they lost 6-7 seats to independents, and frankly I will be happy to see a few more go from both major political parties at the next election.

Anyhoo, soz for bringing politics into this blog but this connects strongly with my understanding of the problem of violence against women so I thought I would share.

Have a lovely day,

AES

The Doves – There Goes The Fear

Me…hanging with other writers speaking my truth.

Hi all,

I wrote the below a couple of months ago when I was at an absolute low in life.

I just needed to flush out what I had been hiding away for so long and because I utterly dig Medium as a medium for people who want to express themselves via the written word, I thought…

…why the bloody hell not.

So, if you are game, click this link and read about a bloke who caught Herpes in his early twenties and who now is finally at peace with it, nearly 30 years later.

I am writing a follow up about sex and Herpes and it will hit the streets when I think it is coherent enough to publish.

The usual disclaimer – Medium ain’t free but it like any independent media, Substack, Patreon and so many more rely on the support of people who like to read widely.

Please support it if you can.

Anyway, take care of yourselves out there people.

Catch you on the flip-side,

AES

Love this track,

Billy Joel – A Matter Of Trust

Meghan Madness, blowing our minds, well mine anyway…yet again :-)

Hi all,

Just checked my Medium feed and Meghan has dropped this in the last couple of days.

“3 Unnoticeable Things I Learned From Watching Other Couples Have Sex” is an absolute bomb of a read.

FWIW, I will go on record here as a serial offender who is trying to get his head around the reverse of the problem that Meghan mentions.

I don’t think I am selfish but I am a hedonistic bastard who (unthinkingly) so easily hops, skips & jumps on the high speed line to pleasure during the act that I know for a fact that I have been considered a poor shag at times during this life.

Which is the reason that writing such as this is so valuable and I for one will be tipping Meghan after posting this because with her words she is asking us to think about how each of us does intimacy and whether you need a spring clean or indeed need to go back to the books.

So, as always I hope you will drop in on Meghan via this link and maybe check out a few of her other posts.

I really value her opinion and so many others on Medium. It is one of the anchorages in which I seek shelter when this world gets me down with all the death and destruction we (male hands bring mostly) allow to occur in our name.

Catch you next time people,

AES

Icehouse – We Can Get Together (live)

What have we learned from 50 years of studying porn? ‘Heterosexuality is essentially broken’, via Guardian Australia.

OMG, OMG, OMG…soz, didn’t say hi, because this article has blown my tiny mind.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED (and/or CARE) ABOUT SEXUALITY, PORN, CONSENT, SEX EDUCATION…then you really need to read this.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/sep/02/what-have-we-learned-from-50-years-of-studying-porn-heterosexuality-is-essentially-broken

Why, because we need to smash the patriarchy and then rebuild sexuality from the ground up. #FACT

Porn has a part to play & if you have read a little of my take on things, you will have read that I am very interested in ethical porn and the positive sexual environment it can feed into.

I thus give massive props to Prof Alan McKee and the other researchers who took the time to look at this massive issue and provide guidance like this that will only help the debate we need to continue having, preferably more in the mainstream.

It proves to me that I am largely on the right track with this blog and as such will continue to link articles about human sexuality that I hope influence readers to read widely & most importantly communicate with others about this very important issue within humanity.

And please, if you do go down interesting rabbit holes and think it would be something I might enjoy then feel free to send me a message and I will check it out.

Cheers

AES

Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit

Arts minister demands Festival of Dangerous Ideas cancel bestiality talk by British historian Joanna Bourke via Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

I am a hypocrite.

And maybe we all are to a point?

One thing though that rings loud & clear to me is free speech, no matter how it hurts or what the cost, people need to be allowed to speak openly about any & all topics.

And that’s why I think that this talk at the link below should go ahead at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas in Sydney.

The NSW Arts Minister needs to get out of the way on this IMHO.

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2022/aug/22/arts-minister-demands-festival-of-dangerous-ideas-cancel-bestiality-talk-by-british-historian-joanna-bourke

For the record, I know zero about this woman, but I am interested to know more no matter her view on this subject so that’s what I am going to do after I post this blog.

#READWIDELY

But before I do, I will admit to watching this type of pornography a few times over the last 10 or so years. Tumblr, before they went all family friendly had channels of it and in my travels on that site many moons ago I found it in due course.

And yes, some of it did arouse me but it never stuck as something I would actively pursue. It was just another waypoint on my road of sexual discovery and I am glad I found it and was able to form an opinion on it that stands to this day.

So yes, it will be interesting to read Joanna’s take and see if my opinion is valid all these years later or whether I need to revisit my position on it.

Anyway, I hope you also click through and read up on her and form your own opinion, for or against.

And then I also hope that you will have the courage to discuss that opinion with those closest so we can one day pull back the curtain on this divisive & taboo subject which is what the simple act of conversation does best.

When enough of us understand a particular subject or issue it gives politicians real mandates to act in our collective interest rather than locking subjects away just as the Minister above is trying to do in this case.

Get out of the way bud.

Cheers

AES

Demi Lovato exposes that legal sex doesn’t mean ethical sex by Lisa Martens, via Medium.

Hi all,

Another great Medium writer killing it.

And yes, I understand in assuming you can make an ass of yourself but I am going out on a limb with this (gut-feel style) to say I strongly feel that this issue is brushed under the carpet way to much.

A wonderful Australian woman by the name of Grace Tame has done her level best over the past 3+ years to drag this subject out into the sunlight but in the finest traditions of “the patriarchy rules – ok!”, very little has changed. She is playing the long game though and I know she will looked back on as one of the big movers & shakers in regards to many layers of our sexual gumbo that very much need to be made edible in order to obtain genuine gender balance.

You can read more about Grace and her struggle here.

Another young Australian woman who is really impressing me in this space is Chanel Contos. Chanel is also kicking against the pricks on consent and making some ground especially in the young adult space, which is the only sensible place to start the conversation IMHO.

Take note of these two names as they in concert with many others will help Australia lead the pack in these areas of human sexuality.

Anyhoo, here’s Lisa’s post at the link below. Please click through if this subject interests you. I will contend that you won’t be disappointed. She writes very well and is one of many writers on Medium that I really enjoy.

https://link.medium.com/fsAQwME6Esb

And I hope you, like I have, see the many layers of genius present within Medium. It really is a fantastic mish-mash of amazing writing on just about any subject you can think of.

Regards

AES

Jeff Buckley – Kick Out The Jams (Live)

I Had an Ex-Boyfriend “With Benefits” and It Was Some of the Best Sex Ever by Emme Witt, via Medium.

Hi all,

A quickie today. Really enjoyed this short read from Emme about fucking your ex.

Why? Because of how she weaves power into the story, the imbalances thereof and how important it is to understand where power resides in your relationship.

It matters. It really does.

https://link.medium.com/gRwY4sjFusb

Anyhoo, as I always try to mention when reposting someone else’s work, Medium is a subscription reader chock full of just about any rabbit hole you feel inclined to drop down for a look.

I have been a subscriber for years and if they keep the same or a similar formula looking after their writers, I will keep renewing

And on Medium you will find Emme and so many others to scratch your itch I can recommend it highly enough.

Anyway, I hope you click through, because this one is a good’n.

Cheers

AES

Meshell Ndeocello – Boyfriend

I’ve been meeting with the same group of men for 36 years – here’s what they’ve taught me, via The Guardian.

Hi all,

A nice read about the benefits of conversation and listening, in this case within one of the first “men’s groups”.

As David mentions in the article, groups like these are much more widely spread these days but that doesn’t mean men still don’t have a ways to go in being able to express themselves emotionally.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/23/meeting-same-group-men-years-david-spiegelhalter

Some inroads have been made, for sure and my feeling is that men are definitely doing better in regards to relationships in the modern day, but divorce and domestic violence are very much still problems that still need answers so that women can live the lives that they should be able to without fear or favour.

Anyway, please click through if this topic interests you and if you’re a man like me, reach out and contact your local men’s shed.

It might just change your life, for the better.

Cheers

AES