My lover says he can’t leave his wife and child for me just yet. Is he being dishonest? (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

Disclaimer – writing this at 5:30 in the morning…buggered if I know why, but the article below opened my word tap. Here goes…

I am going to try, with the most important word in this paragraph being try, to work through the column a little (which contains multiple questions) at the link below.

The premise is that two people have hooked up at work, one of which has fallen emotionally for the other after 3 months.

That person is the initiator of the questions and honestly it isn’t a bad read. And additionally the resulting short and sweet dig into some of questions that arise within the column are timely and balanced. Please click into the link and have a read yourself. I would love to hear others thoughts on this one as it seems to be a regular issue that pops up between men and women and I (and I hope you also) would really like to make some mental ground on this broken record, once and for all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/28/my-lover-says-he-cant-leave-his-wife-and-child-for-me-is-he-being-dishonest

Whilst you are doing that, here’s a few thoughts from moi that continue to circulate in this here brain.

Why can’t we love more than one person? I mean, seriously, why do we default to, and I will use a female friends take on this from a while back when we were each considering the pro’s and con’s of hopping into bed with each other.

I was at a stage were I wanted more sex, a common refrain from men yes but one that women are embracing more and more these days thankfully. I was in a relationship, she was single and she knocked me back because in her words, she didn’t just want a piece of chocolate cake, she wanted the whole cake.

I have ruminated on that statement for years and I think it has been the statement which has helped me steer my course through the relationship minefield (an analogy I like and for mine is fitting) somewhat and certainly one that put (and continues to put) wind in my polyamory leaning sails.

How, you may be asking? Well, whilst it’s clear to this little black duck that polyamory is tough and takes constant maintenance and vigilance to keep the relationship humming along, I much prefer this to the pervasive default unto which the majority of us continue to subscribe.

That being “the one” mentality.

Seriously, I consider this idea to be the largest crock of crap and one that weighs down the potential of human beings to be their best and “love many” in the short time on this planet we are given.

Why do we do this? And yes, I understand that the answer is complex and different for every person somewhat but seriously people, I really hope that with the subtle changes that we are seeing within society and specifically with women, that we might just release a few of those weights holding SS POLYAMORY down and let at least part of that beautiful airship sniff the wind a little higher up.

And before I cark it, I would love to see a world in which the default (damn, I can’t remember the word that goes here – as mentioned in Sex At Dawn), would be this (in my view) lazy bloody relationship default being further eroded within society and put in its place as a refuge for those who still subscribe to the pale, stale male & female, marriage with affairs on the side as a way to live and love.

Locking oneself down is not for me, but hey, I have always been a thinker and feeler. Some might say, a little too much but I am happy in my own skin.

What are your thoughts on the column and ranty-pants comments below it?

I hope to hear from you,

Regards

AES

Crowded House – Chocolate Cake

Embracing my inner salacious little slut, by Tris Harkness – via Medium.

Hi all,

I just read the post below from Tris and felt I needed to repost it here largely because it was such a positive read.

https://link.medium.com/yWBYdzmzQqb

Tris clearly articulates her situation in this post and how she has gone from a woman in sexual chains to one released.

I have feeling that there are more than a few women out there like Tris, who are locked into patriarchal prison, which unfortunately so many men are fine with maintaining but for whatever reason cannot see.

And then there are some who just like the default creation and actively subvert female sexual power & energy at every take.

Also to be clear, this isn’t anywhere as simple as you might expect and thus I would contend that there is also a large cohort of women who like the way things have been and are very keen to not see them change.

But times are a changin, and there is no holding back this tide so if on reading this you decide to take a chance and trust in your sexuality, I hope it is a good experience and you come out of it with more faith in yourself and your place in the world.

Anyway, please have a read and I hope you walk down the Medium road & support writers like Tris because women like her are contributing to a better world for all of us.

Cheers

AES

Tears For Fears – Woman In Chains

The Green Eyed Monster…is never far away.

Hi all,

Came across this thread on Reddit and found it interesting.

I have written about jealousy before and frankly can’t admit to knowing any more about or indeed having any more or less control over it than anyone else.

I am however, a student of the mind and as it is our largest sexual organ and primarily the place where jealousy will show itself from I had to repost this thread here.

Please have a read of the article and as much of the thread as you can manage (I got a few scrolls in) and if you want to discuss this important emotion as related to sexuality, please add a comment.

I would love to read other people’s take on it.

Cheers

AES

The Gun Blossoms – Hey Jealousy

Dan Savage: ‘When politicians leave sex alone, I’ll leave politics alone’ (via The Guardian Aust).

Hi all,

Dan Savage ROCKS!

He has single-handedly shown us how to build robust walls to protect those of us grasping at any one time with the many issues that make up human sexuality, against the conservative tide that seeks to erode sexuality to a lights off under the covers 5-minute wham-bam, thankyou ma’am exercise.

I used to read his column back in the day and always looked up to him as someone who wasn’t afraid to speak a truth that was being hushed daily whack-a-mole style by way too many blinkered fools.

I loved reading this article and I hope you do too.

He is a fantastic human being and I thank him for his contribution to humanity and sexuality.

Kind regards

AES

Thomas Brand on Polyamory (via Medium).

Hi all,

I had moved away from poly for a few reasons but then tonight I read this article by Thomas and I think I need to revisit The Ethical Slut soon for a refresh.

Back in the day I used to think polyamory was the next big thing but that time came & went (in Australia specifically) with the default in marriage staying the course as the default long-term relationship option.


Polyamory isnt dead yet though and I really hope it hangs around because I feel its time will come again as both genders methodically find solutions to problems that have and still constrain gender balance.

I see traditional marriage as big supporter of gender inequality but that said I am sure there are many great examples of marriage that show it in a better light.

Anyway, this article will provide you with a small window into the world of the polyamourous via one of the many emotional mines on the minefield of love that can stop a polyamourous relationship in its tracks. 

Compersion; is defined in the Urban Dictionary as:
A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship“.
Thomas discusses compersion and in doing so will take you in a journey about commitment, patience and empathy for your significant other.

https://link.medium.com/JWuaE93pOgb

Compersion


Anyhoo, I hope you click through (see my p.s. below first) and until next time peeps, keep living & loving like there’s no tomorrow.

Here’s a bit of QOTSA to get you in a loving mood.

I wanna make it wit chu

AES

p.s. Medium is a subscriber based site so you are going to have to cough up some cash to read the main link.

I reckon its completely worth it as Medium is chock full of brainy goodness, but that’s your call.

My life in sex: the ethical non-monogamist

Hi all,

I found this in Guardian Australia this morning and whilst short & sweet, highlights for me why I am a fan of ethical non-monogamy and polyamory.

My life in sex: the ethical non-monogamist https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/sep/11/my-life-in-sex-the-ethical-non-monogamist?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_WordPress

Its a no-brainer really and whilst it seems hard on the surface, if the initial communication rules are established and abided by then I think its fair to say the pay-off’s, not unlike capital interest, are better for all parties.

I hope this becomes a reality for more people because it clearly fits with a society that values both genders equally for their contribution.

Regards
AES

Howard Jones – All I Want

“We Are NOT Monogamous by Nature” via Medium.

Hi all,

True dat.

At the link below Claire Divino has written a piece a lot of you may well identify with and relate to as I did.

I have been trying to put paragraphs together like this for years now but in the finest traditions of writing, the words only come when they want to.

“We Are NOT Monogamous by Nature” by Claire Divino https://link.medium.com/4PKz5s2oz9

From my point of view, this is a great lead into a post that I have written which I will drop IDC.

But if reading this whets your whistle, please head over to Medium and soak a while in this and so many other posts of beauty written by people who, like I do, care about the big picture that encompasses our humanity.

Remember though, Medium is a paid site so you will need a sub if you want to indulge regularly like I do.

Regards
AES

p.s. Just one fix at a time though please!

‘Do you get jealous?’: the six questions I always get asked about being polyamorous.

Hi all,

A quick and easy to read article about Paul Dalgarno’s new book on polyamory.

If you are interested in polyamory, this article will be a good read and introduction to a very worthwhile way of leading a life.

I havent read his book but will in due course (and review it) as there is always more to learn and ruminate on when it comes to human relationships.

True, it isnt for everyone, but I feel that in certain individuals it was meant to be.

Check out Paul’s article here;

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/sep/02/do-you-get-jealous-the-six-questions-i-always-get-asked-about-being-polyamorous

And if you want to read more, there are a few books that I have read and reviewed on this blog which will certainly enlighten and educate you further depending on how far down the rabbit hole you want to go.

Cheers
AES

Sex has as much meaning as words: how normal people handle intimacy.

Hi all,

One of many favourite writers is Zoe Williams from The Guardian UK.

She writes an honest article at the link and I frankly love most of what hits the page under her name.

Here’s another.  A book I haven’t read which I need to read followed by some potentially watchable tv.

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2020/may/06/politics-of-sex-in-normal-people-bbc-sally-rooney?

Anyway, short & sweet tonight.

Adios

AES

https://youtu.be/evN6DIGPIJM

Polyamory in a pandemic: who do you quarantine with when you’re not monogamous?

Hi all,

Polyamory ain’t dead yet.  Yeehaw!

My great hope is that over time it will find it’s place within society as a viable relationship option for those that value honesty and integrity in their partners.

And I think it will as women slowly become true equals within society and the patriarchy is pushed back into a place that sees it enhancing our species rather than seeking to control it.


Anyhoo, have a read of the article  below and hit me up with a comment if you have thoughts you want to share.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/apr/01/polyamory-quarantine-coronavirus-pandemic

Till then though.
Keep living & loving (yourself only at this time please).

AES

‘There’s zero evidence that it’s worse for children’: parenting in a polyamorous relationship

Hi all,

This is a really good read and it has frankly made my night.

I have seen polyamory rise up from nothing in Australia and then seemingly slowly die off as various organisations folded.

This article proves the fear mongers wrong and I hope we see a resurgence one day.

What I love most about this article is that which attracted me to polyamory all those years ago when I first turned the pages of The Ethical Slut.

Honesty.

But that is me and both you and I dear reader are very different people. We all have different views and different life experiences that make us the people we are.

‘There’s zero evidence that it’s worse for children’: parenting in a polyamorous relationship

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/01/zero-evidence-worse-for-children-parenting-in-polyamorous-relationship

Anyway, have a read and if a comment crosses your mind, you know the drill.

AES

“Polyamory Improves My Relationship With My Husband”

Hi all,

Check out this ENM/Poly read on Medium if you have some time.

Elle writes well. Looking forward to more of her thoughts on human relationships & sexuality as her inspiration strikes.

Yet another great case for moving fowards as a species with relationship options vice the tired old default of marriage in plain view with add-ons in the shadows.

Enjoy

AES

“Polyamory Improves My Relationship With My Husband” by Elle Beau https://link.medium.com/dJP6GlBX02

The family in 2050: artificial wombs, robot carers and the rise of single fathers by choice

Hi all,

First of all. Happy New Year to one and all wherever you are reading my little blog from.

An interesting read below if you have time.

What I get from it is that yes, we have an ageing population and yes, we are solving a few problems but many still exist and others are being created by the day.

All in all, it makes for an interesting 2020’s, 30’s and beyond for humanity.

For mine if I had my time over again I would escape to the country dependent only on a small sustainable town, build a sustainable house on a small block that had bushfire protection built in via an underground tank(s), grow my own food via permaculture, and aim to settle down with a crew of like-minded folk who shared a love of community especially when it comes to children.

It wouldn’t be easy but it would be rewarding in the long term.

AES

The family in 2050: artificial wombs, robot carers and the rise of single fathers by choice

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/dec/31/family-2050-artificial-wombs-robot-carers-single-fathers

‘Self-partnered’ Emma Watson is right: we need more ways to be single

This.

From Brigid Delaney (totes a fan!).

via The Guardian, Australia.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/nov/06/self-partnered-emma-watson-is-right-we-need-more-ways-to-be-single?

Or this.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/06/consciously-uncoupled-the-joy-of-self-partnership?

Dear readers,

These articles are both, right up my alley.

Why?

They are another couple of nails in the coffin of the way things have been done without question for some time now.

I speak of the patriarchy, marriage and everything spinning around these two axis that needs a good dose of change IMHO.

“Change is inevitable, growth is optional”

John C. Maxwell

A quick recap.

It’s true that much good has come from this way of living over the past few centuries, but holding the good to account are volumes of bad with just one example (of many) being, one woman is murdered by her current or former partner every week in Australia currently. Check out more here;

https://www.ourwatch.org.au/understanding-violence/facts-and-figures

For mine, I am strongly of the opinion we have it arse about presently and whilst we humans love company and cohabitation can be a great thing, when it comes to relationships, we need options rather than a contract.

These two articles affirm to me that this is the direction we are heading and I am happy where the compass needle is currently pointing.

I will continue to write about this massive subject as I get my head around it, but until then…get scrubbin!

AES

Dipsea!

Hi all,

This I dig. The use of another of our amazing human senses to navigate the sexuality freeway.

This time via your earholes.

I am going to check it out and I hope you do too.

Update 1: I have listened to a couple of the freebies and I must say it’s exiting being aroused by something other than by pure visual means.

Update 2: I signed up today for a year because brilliant initiatives like this need support IMHO.

On my first listen today as a member what stood out is the beauty of the words used. Words matter and there is nothing more arousing than great conversation.

And in my opinion its a better way of consuming pornography than visual but I will use both as needed. Each to their own here.

Please check them out. This is some good stuff on here catering to all tastes so I hope they grow from here.

There’s an app available on both the Apple & Google stores so eroticism at its best can be available as needed for your individual body & mind.

Dipsea Stories

And here’s the review that got me started on this road.

Aural sex: erotic podcast offers stories to stimulate your ears

https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/jul/21/erotic-podcast-dipsea-fiction?

Regards

AES