I had moved away from poly for a few reasons but then tonight I read this article by Thomas and I think I need to revisit The Ethical Slut soon for a refresh.
Back in the day I used to think polyamory was the next big thing but that time came & went (in Australia specifically) with the default in marriage staying the course as the default long-term relationship option.
Polyamory isnt dead yet though and I really hope it hangs around because I feel its time will come again as both genders methodically find solutions to problems that have and still constrain gender balance.
I see traditional marriage as big supporter of gender inequality but that said I am sure there are many great examples of marriage that show it in a better light.
Anyway, this article will provide you with a small window into the world of the polyamourous via one of the many emotional mines on the minefield of love that can stop a polyamourous relationship in its tracks.
Compersion; is defined in the Urban Dictionary as:
“A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship
Thomas discusses compersion and in doing so will take you in a journey about commitment, patience and empathy for your significant other.
Anyhoo, I hope you click through (see my p.s. below first) and until next time peeps, keep living & loving like there’s no tomorrow.
Here’s a bit of QOTSA to get you in a loving mood.I wanna make it wit chu
p.s. Medium is a subscriber based site so you are going to have to cough up some cash to read the main link.
I reckon its completely worth it as Medium is chock full of brainy goodness, but that’s your call.
I found this in Guardian Australia this morning and whilst short & sweet, highlights for me why I am a fan of ethical non-monogamy and polyamory.
My life in sex: the ethical non-monogamist https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/sep/11/my-life-in-sex-the-ethical-non-monogamist?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_WordPress
Its a no-brainer really and whilst it seems hard on the surface, if the initial communication rules are established and abided by then I think its fair to say the pay-off’s, not unlike capital interest, are better for all parties.
I hope this becomes a reality for more people because it clearly fits with a society that values both genders equally for their contribution.
Howard Jones – All I Want
At the link below Claire Divino has written a piece a lot of you may well identify with and relate to as I did.
I have been trying to put paragraphs together like this for years now but in the finest traditions of writing, the words only come when they want to.
“We Are NOT Monogamous by Nature” by Claire Divino https://link.medium.com/4PKz5s2oz9
From my point of view, this is a great lead into a post that I have written which I will drop IDC.
But if reading this whets your whistle, please head over to Medium and soak a while in this and so many other posts of beauty written by people who, like I do, care about the big picture that encompasses our humanity.
Remember though, Medium is a paid site so you will need a sub if you want to indulge regularly like I do.
p.s. Just one fix at a time though please!
A quick and easy to read article about Paul Dalgarno’s new book on polyamory.
If you are interested in polyamory, this article will be a good read and introduction to a very worthwhile way of leading a life.
I havent read his book but will in due course (and review it) as there is always more to learn and ruminate on when it comes to human relationships.
True, it isnt for everyone, but I feel that in certain individuals it was meant to be.
Check out Paul’s article here;
And if you want to read more, there are a few books that I have read and reviewed on this blog which will certainly enlighten and educate you further depending on how far down the rabbit hole you want to go.
One of many favourite writers is Zoe Williams from The Guardian UK.
She writes an honest article at the link and I frankly love most of what hits the page under her name.
Here’s another. A book I haven’t read which I need to read followed by some potentially watchable tv.
Anyway, short & sweet tonight.
Polyamory ain’t dead yet. Yeehaw!
My great hope is that over time it will find it’s place within society as a viable relationship option for those that value honesty and integrity in their partners.
And I think it will as women slowly become true equals within society and the patriarchy is pushed back into a place that sees it enhancing our species rather than seeking to control it.
Anyhoo, have a read of the article below and hit me up with a comment if you have thoughts you want to share.
Till then though.
Keep living & loving (yourself only at this time please).
This is a really good read and it has frankly made my night.
I have seen polyamory rise up from nothing in Australia and then seemingly slowly die off as various organisations folded.
This article proves the fear mongers wrong and I hope we see a resurgence one day.
What I love most about this article is that which attracted me to polyamory all those years ago when I first turned the pages of The Ethical Slut.
But that is me and both you and I dear reader are very different people. We all have different views and different life experiences that make us the people we are.
‘There’s zero evidence that it’s worse for children’: parenting in a polyamorous relationship
Anyway, have a read and if a comment crosses your mind, you know the drill.
Check out this ENM/Poly read on Medium if you have some time.
Elle writes well. Looking forward to more of her thoughts on human relationships & sexuality as her inspiration strikes.
Yet another great case for moving fowards as a species with relationship options vice the tired old default of marriage in plain view with add-ons in the shadows.
“Polyamory Improves My Relationship With My Husband” by Elle Beau https://link.medium.com/dJP6GlBX02
First of all. Happy New Year to one and all wherever you are reading my little blog from.
An interesting read below if you have time.
What I get from it is that yes, we have an ageing population and yes, we are solving a few problems but many still exist and others are being created by the day.
All in all, it makes for an interesting 2020’s, 30’s and beyond for humanity.
For mine if I had my time over again I would escape to the country dependent only on a small sustainable town, build a sustainable house on a small block that had bushfire protection built in via an underground tank(s), grow my own food via permaculture, and aim to settle down with a crew of like-minded folk who shared a love of community especially when it comes to children.
It wouldn’t be easy but it would be rewarding in the long term.
The family in 2050: artificial wombs, robot carers and the rise of single fathers by choice
From Brigid Delaney (totes a fan!).
via The Guardian, Australia.
These articles are both, right up my alley.
They are another couple of nails in the coffin of the way things have been done without question for some time now.
I speak of the patriarchy, marriage and everything spinning around these two axis that needs a good dose of change IMHO.
“Change is inevitable, growth is optional”
John C. Maxwell
A quick recap.
It’s true that much good has come from this way of living over the past few centuries, but holding the good to account are volumes of bad with just one example (of many) being, one woman is murdered by her current or former partner every week in Australia currently. Check out more here;
For mine, I am strongly of the opinion we have it arse about presently and whilst we humans love company and cohabitation can be a great thing, when it comes to relationships, we need options rather than a contract.
These two articles affirm to me that this is the direction we are heading and I am happy where the compass needle is currently pointing.
I will continue to write about this massive subject as I get my head around it, but until then…get scrubbin!
This I dig. The use of another of our amazing human senses to navigate the sexuality freeway.
This time via your earholes.
I am going to check it out and I hope you do too.
Update 1: I have listened to a couple of the freebies and I must say it’s exiting being aroused by something other than by pure visual means.
Update 2: I signed up today for a year because brilliant initiatives like this need support IMHO.
On my first listen today as a member what stood out is the beauty of the words used. Words matter and there is nothing more arousing than great conversation.
And in my opinion its a better way of consuming pornography than visual but I will use both as needed. Each to their own here.
Please check them out. This is some good stuff on here catering to all tastes so I hope they grow from here.
There’s an app available on both the Apple & Google stores so eroticism at its best can be available as needed for your individual body & mind.
And here’s the review that got me started on this road.
Aural sex: erotic podcast offers stories to stimulate your ears
This doctor gives us his 5 cents worth on poly and yes, there is some good stuff here, but a good deal of #meh too.
To his credit he does make it clear that there is limited data available and seems keen for a larger dataset in order to better understand polyamory.
Interesting that he says mental health practioners are amazed at the amount of infidelity in the wider community.
That fits with my perception as viewed through the lens of life lived.
I guess when it’s all said and done, for mine I am at peace with the fact that one person cannot be your everything and that the sooner more understand this very important relationship point, maybe we might actually reduce the collateral damage on kids and indeed the adults throwing rocks at each other as they scramble to get away from a situation that was never normal.
However those within the structures of the church and state would lead you to believe.
I came across this book whilst flicking through my Amazon Audible catalogue and thought, ahh…why the hell not!
This book was very interesting and whenever I made time for it I felt like my brain was getting bigger as a result.
She is an interesting lady. A Scottish Philosopher working and living in Vancouver, Canada.
She is also a polyamorist or ethical non-monogamist.
I have always struggled with the notion of love. I have issues with the comodification of it and the industry it has become so this book was a welcome relief.
I just re-listened to chapter 1 prior to writing this as I remember ending the book with many questions and interesting resources to look for, but I never did at the time.
One other thing is that I reached out to Prof. Jenkins via her website (which has lots of other goodies on it) and thanked her for the book.
I also asked if it was possible to procure a signed copy, something I rarely do and she got back to me quickly requesting my address.
A signed copy arrived in the mail as week later!
All in all, this is a great book if you, like I have ever questioned What Love Is.
I just had a look at my site, trying to view it from a reader’s perspective and a word I saw repetitively come up whilst flicking through the first 15 odd posts was sex.
…But this blog is supposed to be about different types of relationships he says to himself…
Why is this so? if I may quote Professor Julius Summner-Miller (checking this laterz)?
Well I guess I feel sex is a large part of any relationship and maybe it doesn’t get talked about in that way in society, at least that is my lived experience here in Australia.
And in regards to relationships I actually found polyamory through a female friend who knew me and understood I wasn’t a cad nor wanted flings and being a male, sex is still happily at the forefront of my mind.
I guess I am just trying to understand how all the puzzle pieces fit, with sex (important to me in the grand context) being one of those pieces.
Anyway, rest assured that this overbalance has been duly noted and I will set out over the coming months to find some balance.
Till then y’all…
Love like there’s no tomorrow.
Is returning a loss of desire really as easy as committing to and or choosing it….?
My experience tells me that this is horseshit and frankly, I am not sold on this premise.
I certainly agree with the speaker in this TEDTalk that there still are many, many problematic societal issues that exist without complete solutions within the sphere of human sexuality but I am glad that a good deal of them have been largely acknowledged (with more to come I hope) in the mainstream recently (#metoo, Royal Commission into Domestic Violence etc.).
Maybe we are finally getting somewhere.
I hope that in a hundred years time, things are somewhat better for women. Certainly and at the very least in the ways males contribute to all the many problems that exist as the societal level when it comes to relationships, intimacy, sexuality etc.
As for mothers bringing up better girls who want them to stand on their own two feet as strong women who can make a choice as to the relationship style that best suits them, I don’t know if this is happening at a similar rate of change?
Certainly if my recent experience is a metric of any worth, there still are many young women who still very much gravitate to and believe in the standard narrative of boy meets girl etc.
I find this a lemming like behaviour and it concerns me.
For mine I think there is more sense in sharing and finding the right person for the right need or want to meet you in compromise rather than locking yourself into an outdated and still overly religious relationship model like marriage.
For me, that is Polyamory.
This talk bought home for me yet again why I think we still have it “arse about” in regards to human relationships.