Category: On The AES Soapbox!

Thanks readers.

Dec 2022 update.

Hi all,

Just a quick post to say thanks to all those people who have clicked into this humble little blog in 2022.

This has been my biggest year ever traffic wise and for that I thank you.

As you are well aware, this site is pure and unadulterated random on all things human sexuality, biased somewhat (although I try not too) towards those things I am really interested in within this massive topic that we all grapple with on a daily basis.

Anyhoo, I am going to spend some time over the break to have a fresh look at the site and see if there is anything I can do to keep the visitors coming.

That means continuing to look at my posts and updating them to 2022 standards. A task I genuinely struggle with as part of me wants to leave them in the past to revisit on occasion to gauge how much I have grown within this topic.

But another part of my brain says move on amigo because whilst the past is valuable in regards to learning and growing, if you have bridged the gap, just update the posts and continue the journey.

Because sexuality, not unlike democracy is a journey that few if any ever master.

Keep moving forward…

Merry Christmas all. Catch you in ’23.

AES

Wham – Last Christmas

My lover says he can’t leave his wife and child for me just yet. Is he being dishonest? (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

Disclaimer – writing this at 5:30 in the morning…buggered if I know why, but the article below opened my word tap. Here goes…

I am going to try, with the most important word in this paragraph being try, to work through the column a little (which contains multiple questions) at the link below.

The premise is that two people have hooked up at work, one of which has fallen emotionally for the other after 3 months.

That person is the initiator of the questions and honestly it isn’t a bad read. And additionally the resulting short and sweet dig into some of questions that arise within the column are timely and balanced. Please click into the link and have a read yourself. I would love to hear others thoughts on this one as it seems to be a regular issue that pops up between men and women and I (and I hope you also) would really like to make some mental ground on this broken record, once and for all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/28/my-lover-says-he-cant-leave-his-wife-and-child-for-me-is-he-being-dishonest

Whilst you are doing that, here’s a few thoughts from moi that continue to circulate in this here brain.

Why can’t we love more than one person? I mean, seriously, why do we default to, and I will use a female friends take on this from a while back when we were each considering the pro’s and con’s of hopping into bed with each other.

I was at a stage were I wanted more sex, a common refrain from men yes but one that women are embracing more and more these days thankfully. I was in a relationship, she was single and she knocked me back because in her words, she didn’t just want a piece of chocolate cake, she wanted the whole cake.

I have ruminated on that statement for years and I think it has been the statement which has helped me steer my course through the relationship minefield (an analogy I like and for mine is fitting) somewhat and certainly one that put (and continues to put) wind in my polyamory leaning sails.

How, you may be asking? Well, whilst it’s clear to this little black duck that polyamory is tough and takes constant maintenance and vigilance to keep the relationship humming along, I much prefer this to the pervasive default unto which the majority of us continue to subscribe.

That being “the one” mentality.

Seriously, I consider this idea to be the largest crock of crap and one that weighs down the potential of human beings to be their best and “love many” in the short time on this planet we are given.

Why do we do this? And yes, I understand that the answer is complex and different for every person somewhat but seriously people, I really hope that with the subtle changes that we are seeing within society and specifically with women, that we might just release a few of those weights holding SS POLYAMORY down and let at least part of that beautiful airship sniff the wind a little higher up.

And before I cark it, I would love to see a world in which the default (damn, I can’t remember the word that goes here – as mentioned in Sex At Dawn), would be this (in my view) lazy bloody relationship default being further eroded within society and put in its place as a refuge for those who still subscribe to the pale, stale male & female, marriage with affairs on the side as a way to live and love.

Locking oneself down is not for me, but hey, I have always been a thinker and feeler. Some might say, a little too much but I am happy in my own skin.

What are your thoughts on the column and ranty-pants comments below it?

I hope to hear from you,

Regards

AES

Crowded House – Chocolate Cake

Embracing my inner salacious little slut, by Tris Harkness – via Medium.

Hi all,

I just read the post below from Tris and felt I needed to repost it here largely because it was such a positive read.

https://link.medium.com/yWBYdzmzQqb

Tris clearly articulates her situation in this post and how she has gone from a woman in sexual chains to one released.

I have feeling that there are more than a few women out there like Tris, who are locked into patriarchal prison, which unfortunately so many men are fine with maintaining but for whatever reason cannot see.

And then there are some who just like the default creation and actively subvert female sexual power & energy at every take.

Also to be clear, this isn’t anywhere as simple as you might expect and thus I would contend that there is also a large cohort of women who like the way things have been and are very keen to not see them change.

But times are a changin, and there is no holding back this tide so if on reading this you decide to take a chance and trust in your sexuality, I hope it is a good experience and you come out of it with more faith in yourself and your place in the world.

Anyway, please have a read and I hope you walk down the Medium road & support writers like Tris because women like her are contributing to a better world for all of us.

Cheers

AES

Tears For Fears – Woman In Chains

Ghislaine Maxwell began to share ‘little black book’ with Epstein as early as the 1980s (via The Guardian Aust).

Hi again all,

Men.

You don’t have to be Einstein to understand that the male gender has been responsible for so much pain and suffering towards women since time immortal.

Just try this.  As an exercise in the comprehension of this statement take the next 10-15 seconds and think about the amount of times you have heard about men behaving badly over the past 5-10 years.

And I dont mean to be awful, but if you didn’t get to five as a minimum, you haven’t been paying attention.

In getting down from my soap-box now  I will admit that I kinda understand if you couldnt recall many as I largely switch off now also. 

There’s just too many.

This list above was last updated 18 months ago…and as far as I can see is only US men!!

Then there’s the now departed Mr Epstein & Ms Maxwell.  That’s a whole other can of worms!

And why Ghislane shared the book…we may never know?

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jun/27/ghislaine-maxwell-began-to-share-little-black-book-with-epstein-as-early-as-the-1980s?

And what drives this behaviour???

I genuinely dont know but I have said for a long time that testosterone, the male sex hormone clearly needs to be understood better…by everyone. 

And…

#STAT

I think its fair to say that most men including yours truly only barely understands it’s power.

One thought (read potential solution) I have entertained for a while would be for each gender to wear patches containing the opposite sex’s hormone for a short time at the appropriate time during their development (if indeed there is an appropriate time as each gender develops?).

I am no scientist but just maybe this would help the level of understanding  and in doing so assist us to reduce the incidence of harassment, associated sex crimes and general bastardry we impart on women as we men grow up.

Clearly though, we need to keep moving forward on this massive problem that potentially ends in a similar way to that reported in my last post.

And that, dear readers is a bloody sad &  sorry situation.

WE CAN AND MUST DO BETTER.

AES

Thomas Brand on Polyamory (via Medium).

Hi all,

I had moved away from poly for a few reasons but then tonight I read this article by Thomas and I think I need to revisit The Ethical Slut soon for a refresh.

Back in the day I used to think polyamory was the next big thing but that time came & went (in Australia specifically) with the default in marriage staying the course as the default long-term relationship option.


Polyamory isnt dead yet though and I really hope it hangs around because I feel its time will come again as both genders methodically find solutions to problems that have and still constrain gender balance.

I see traditional marriage as big supporter of gender inequality but that said I am sure there are many great examples of marriage that show it in a better light.

Anyway, this article will provide you with a small window into the world of the polyamourous via one of the many emotional mines on the minefield of love that can stop a polyamourous relationship in its tracks. 

Compersion; is defined in the Urban Dictionary as:
“A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship“.
Thomas discusses compersion and in doing so will take you in a journey about commitment, patience and empathy for your significant other.

https://link.medium.com/JWuaE93pOgb

Compersion


Anyhoo, I hope you click through (see my p.s. below first) and until next time peeps, keep living & loving like there’s no tomorrow.

Here’s a bit of QOTSA to get you in a loving mood.

I wanna make it wit chu

AES

p.s. Medium is a subscriber based site so you are going to have to cough up some cash to read the main link.

I reckon its completely worth it as Medium is chock full of brainy goodness, but that’s your call.

Polygamy is about to be decriminalised in Utah. Is it good news for women?

Hi all,

About the closest I have been to polygamy is that TV show “Big Love” from the US that SBS Australia showed many years ago.


I can’t remember watching more than one series but I think I watched enough at the time to get a feel for how their particular household worked.
The adult male had three wives under one roof if I remember correctly and via a roster system, spent time with each of them equally.

I remember thinking that there was some good attributes to this sort of arrangement but I also saw enough drawbacks to make me, in an overall sense think this type of relationship wasn’t ideal.

BTW, my opinion is still completely subjective as I haven’t lived like this nor know anyone who has.

Anyway, getting back to the title of this post (via Guardian Australia) after having read the article, with a few more years under the belt and very much taking into account my poor understanding of this relationship style I think it is good thing that polygamy is finally being decriminalised.

Please read of the article (it’s a really good read) at the link as it has three different perspectives that are all interesting in their own way.

My take from reading the above is that I think decriminalisation has to be tried on for size and given time to breathe and settle so it can be fully assessed as to it’s suitability within society.

Secretly I hope it thrives as I am strongly of the opinion that one size doesn’t fit all and that’s why I look forward to watching this space with interest to see what happens next.

AES

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/05/polygamy-is-about-to-be-decriminalised-in-utah-is-it-good-news-for-women

The family in 2050: artificial wombs, robot carers and the rise of single fathers by choice

Hi all,

First of all. Happy New Year to one and all wherever you are reading my little blog from.

An interesting read below if you have time.

What I get from it is that yes, we have an ageing population and yes, we are solving a few problems but many still exist and others are being created by the day.

All in all, it makes for an interesting 2020’s, 30’s and beyond for humanity.

For mine if I had my time over again I would escape to the country dependent only on a small sustainable town, build a sustainable house on a small block that had bushfire protection built in via an underground tank(s), grow my own food via permaculture, and aim to settle down with a crew of like-minded folk who shared a love of community especially when it comes to children.

It wouldn’t be easy but it would be rewarding in the long term.

AES

The family in 2050: artificial wombs, robot carers and the rise of single fathers by choice

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/dec/31/family-2050-artificial-wombs-robot-carers-single-fathers

This futuristic techno spa is a sci-fi movie come to life – CNET

Hi folks,

This one has bugger all to do with polyamory or relationships for that matter, but when I read below that the sauna inside Berlin’s Liquidrom is allegedly sans clothing it made me think about this country (Australia) and the issues I think we have with gender.

I have said it before and I will say it again. We Australians are a majority conservative bunch when the topic strays anywhere near gender, sexuality etc. etc.

Maybe that’s the old English influence still hanging on, which I know will die the death it needs to one day (frankly, that day can’t come to soon) to leave us in a place possibly where we can choose to go to a bloody sauna with no clobber on and not get weird about it or stalk(y)…(not a word I know, but it fit the mood of my little rant).

To sum up my thoughts, I think the simple act of nakedness connects well to what I see as an overarching conservative shyness and is the crux of a narrative that joins so many dots in the Australian context.

Some of which go onto harm and unfortunately kill women and frankly I am really bloody sick of men and actions which lead to outcomes such as this.

Just watch the news for a few nights and do your own straw-poll of the gender that generally speaking, brings the violence.

Maybe I need to build an Australian Liquidrom!

Keep loving y’all.

AES

Original CNET article below (Thanks Katie).

https://www.cnet.com/news/this-futuristic-techno-spa-is-a-sci-fi-movie-come-to-life/

A new poll shows what really interests ‘pro-lifers’: controlling women

Check dis..

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/aug/22/a-new-poll-shows-what-really-interests-pro-lifers-controlling-women?

For mine, I strongly agree with this article header.

The patriarchy needs a big old rethink IMHO.

The male politicians as just one example (see recent NSW parliament legislation) talk about protecting life, but look around you. Poverty is still a big problem in society (and possibly getting worse) so where are the “honourable” members who allegedly care about human life now?

Really though and getting back on track, abortion should only be a minor player (and option of last resort) in the grand scheme of things.

If men actually were responsible with their sperm maybe abortion might not be the flash point it currently is?

Shit has to change, and I believe it will in time.

In the interim though, those who have archaic viewpoints will continue on there merry way fighting what they feel is the good fight minus some actual truths that matter.

Truth was always the first casualty.

AES

On the Soapbox ALERT!

IMHO the Australian Bachelor TV show demeans humanity and is an utter waste of breathable oxygen.

Additionally, I am strongly of the opinion that it clearly doesnt assist either gender in any way, shape or form to move forward.

The current series is being advertised on Channel 10 in Australia and every time it comes on I look at it briefly and wonder… what is it that makes women (in this case) demean themselves and their gender so utterly and completely, just for a bloke (and love)?

I really don’t understand it and frankly can’t be bothered talking about it any longer because I am in the business of growing my brain vice those who support this type of “reality TV”.

AES

Michael Franco was so right!

Sex Education 101

“Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel.”

Socrates

Just imagine if we could get to this point eventually?

Every child given the sexual education needed to navigate and sail safely through the roughest sexual seas and come out with their flame intact.

Reduced everything…everything you can connect with human sexuality that concerns and saddens us might be the outcome.

In Australia, we are still struggling with the debate about safe schools and whether or not it helps or hinders chuldren.

I see it as a positive step forward but it will struggle along for a while yet in a politically apathetic and uninformed electorate (the 2019 election proved that statement) thanks to many Conservatives who have pull (and spin a plenty) at this time in history.

The cycle will go around again though (as it does) in time with I hope the subject of safe schools afforded a regular gig.

Still a bit of a journey yet, but don’t stop dreaming.

AES

On paedophillia…again

I have written one blog on this subject and frankly I was happy with that.

Then, this morning there is this in The Age, so I thought I would throw my two cents worth in.

Overall, I am happy that more is being done to reduce this behaviour but for me it is just another reactive measure that might stop another 2-3% of this problem rearing its ugly head in the future as far as I am concerned.

Internet savvy paedophiles will always be one step ahead just like hackers are and I doubt there will many winners.

Sorry to be Mr Negative but really I hope those of you who read this blog can understand my take on this.

Until there comes a time where we can all get over ourselves and have a meaningful debate on our individual and collective sexuality we aren’t going to evolve as a species.

I cant see this happening in my lifetime unfortunately and thus I guess “reactive” and semi-offensive policing measures are all we have at our disposal at this time.

Its bloody sad that an awful lot of us are incredibly embarrassed by our bits and the sexual thoughts that we think.

I long for a day where people can just fess up to what they are thinking and then help could be offered to bring them back to society rather than being loners who have to hide away their sexuality/sexual psychology.

Being open and honest about sexuality is so refreshing and just frees up so much of your mind for other thoughts.

Anyway, that is my offload for this Sunday morning in the land of the embarrassed.

AES

On Genital Herpes…

Updated July 2019.

HSV 2 or Herpes Simplex Virus is some sexual baggage that I carry deep in my nervous system.

I SHOULD have written about this earlier (originally published Nov 2011). But I am ashamed of being a carrier and as life has shown me, so are many more adults.

So how did I get the virus? All of the below played their part in the outcome.

I had pretty much NO sexual education and that most certainly was a factor in the end-game.

The time in which the virus came to be a part of me was also “pre-internets” so knowledge was pretty thin on the ground.

Condoms were available but I never used them. Why you may ask?

Between overall sexual stigma and very little to no instruction on how and why one should use a “franger” (why oh why has this word left our vocabulary!), blokes like me as a rite of passage just loaded the 6-shooter, spun the barrel and played Russian roulette in the early 90’s as the norm.

Flashback. My first sexual experience which was not in Australia wasn’t the greatest advertisment for them either (it broke part way through the act).

Really though when I think back to those years now I am amazed that I got through them with just HSV2. I didn’t have a clue about sex.

I also knew very little about females and less about reproduction other than the bare basics. I am actually very happy to have been a largely quiet and shy man because if I had been the opposite it could have been a very different outcome altogether.

Anyway, many years have passed now since that nurse stuck the swab to test for HSV2 way to far into the eye of my penis and made me howl in pain.

Honestly though, I look back on the last couple of decades and frankly I wouldn’t change a thing inclusive of HSV2.

It has turned out to be a great indicator of my overall health as it usually appears when my immune system is on Struggle St.

To summarise, Herpes isn’t a game changer, it just requires some thought and honesty into how you might manage and continue a sex life.

AES

Sex addiction….hmmm?

Update, March 2020.

Just read through this after noticing someone had read this skanky old post recently.

It was bought across from my first site, one where I waxed crappingly about sex and my utter woe with it generally.

Its not a bad post, but one I am going to spit & polish after writing this header.

Anyway, that’s me. Enjoy.

AES

Hi all (2011),

Well y’all, I am off the drugs, that being the anti-depressants and hey presto I have my mojo back…YAY!

But with every action comes an equal and opposite reaction, so here I am back at square one with a shitload of sex-drive and only Mrs Palmer and her five daughters to support me!

The girly understands and she cant do anymore and thus I got to wondering.

Is there really other men out there like me who have a VERY healthy sex drive…surely there is?

Or am I just full of shit and a SEX ADDICT? What even is a sex addict? #forrealz

Wikipedia has a page on Sexual Addiction!

It’s an actual thing #forrealz

Here’s a rough summation of points from the page.

Behaviors associated with sexual addiction include:

  • Compulsive masturbation (self-stimulation) – This is SO me!
    • Multiple affairs (extra-marital affairs) – not married but would love to get amongst it with a married women or two. Thankfully, this is where I do have a stopping point and furthermore I respect women and their choices.
      • Multiple or anonymous sexual partners and/or one-night stands – Too shy. Wouldn’t know what it was like to have multiple partners and or one-night stands.
        • Consistent use of pornography – Just as Sting sung about the king of pain, I am the KING of Porn…!
          • Unsafe sex – nothing beats a la natural, But…I don’t want rug-rats. Jimmy it up!
            • Phone or computer sex (cybersex) – phone-sex bores the shit out of me and as for cybersex…ask me that again in 50 years…oh wait, I will be dead, oh well.
              • Prostitution – yeah, been there, done that and to be honest, apart from maybe one or two out of probably 20 sex workers, I have gotten more feeling out of my Fleshlight!
                • Exhibitionism – did that once and have thought briefly about nudist beaches. But I value my skin.
                  • Obsessive dating through personal ads – AMM, RedHotPie, Oasis…what a joke they all are. Don’t do that crap anymore.
                    • Voyeurism (watching others) and or flashing. If I came upon two people having sex in a park in the bush, I would watch quietly and respectfully…as for flashing. You have got to be kidding don’t you?
                      • Molestation/Rape/Sexual Harassment – Sex is meant to be about pleasure. Full stop.

                      I am no addict. Just another healthy male looking for my opposite healthy female who loves to get naked and fuck.

                      Life…what a magical mystery tour.

                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hnrsqf33MXA

                      AES

                      p.s. Seriously though, this IS an issue.

                      Men and women are head fucked every day by something that none of us should carry baggage over.

                      #noanswers

                      The S Word…Stands For Shite?

                      Sam Brett, columnist for the Australian Fairfax papers produces a video blog every week and I have to say having watched two or three now that it is the most unbalanced piece of shite that I have viewed in a long time.

                      Just so we are on the same page, I have checked out a lot of blogs since starting this little male sex rant.

                      Have a look for yourself if you don’t believe me;

                      http://media.theage.com.au/life-and-style/the-s-word/porn-is-it-ruining-your-sex-life-2404819.html

                      Face facts Sam, most men check out porn and probably quite a lot do so because women walk around with their fucking heads in the clouds in regards to the male sex drive with the exception of when they want to have a baby.

                      This shit has got to stop and soon. Can we possibly just try to acknowledge that men generally want more sex than women do and if a ratio that kept both genders happy could be achieved what are the consequences for women?

                      1. Healthier happier Men and Women all over the world.

                      2. The pornography industry might actually decrease.

                      3. Stronger relationships potentially.

                      4. We might see sexual harassment and assaults potentially drop in number?

                      5. Prostitution might actually die off from a lack of clientele.

                      This is a fucking no-brainer women. Cant you see this?

                      It’s a win-win situation. You give a little you get a whole lot more in return.

                      What a waste of airtime shit like this is. It’s 2011 if you hadn’t noticed Sam?

                      Angry AES has now left the building.

                      p.s. I recommend that you try a few of the links on my page as there is some really interesting people blogging about sex whom are genuinely trying to move us forward as a society.