She makes some very valid points IMHO with the main takeaway for me being consensus & compromise.
I wonder how many relationships this particular need affects?
With divorce rates as high as they are I think it would be a solid water to say this issue is definitely in the mix, probably not as a top tier issue but definitely in the shadows lurking and playing it’s part in any life decisions that are made.
Anyway, short & sweet this morning. I hope those of you who read the link get something from the doc’s post.
And please consider supporting Medium or at the least buying the writers that help open our minds a coffee once in a blue moon.
She covers many interesting points, all of which I would contend factor into our sex lives at one point or another on the journey.
What stood out to me the most was her paragraph towards the end of the article wherein she mentions the male gaze and the tiredness I certainly feel (and I gather many other men of or around my vintage feel) in regards to seeking out sex.
All in all though, I commend her for writing about the experience and all of the baggage that was accumulated from the planning through to the physical act and then additionally writing about it and the barrage of opinions, good & bad that rebounded back at her.
Lastly, I will leave you with an interesting thought. My next post will be commentary on new research that states we are having less sex than at any time previous in history.
This is very interesting to me and I am keen to unpack, write about it and try to understand the “why” as best I can.
Anyway, until the next time inspiration strikes… Adios.
I have been interested in the subject of pornography since I started this bloggy journey 10 or so years ago.
And it’s interesting that generally speaking, a good deal of the core issues that existed back then, still exist now and probably will continue to exist when this chapter (cheekily entitled by me as) “Ch.1729; The Pornhub Chronicles” is gathering dust.
The big four layers for mine are… but know that there are many other layers which when combined bring us to our current point on this journey.
POWER – as long as humans have existed there has always been those who sought to have/hold more power than others and exert that power, unfortunately a lot of the time with the individual or a minority in mind vice one and all. Power initially cracked open the rich/poor divide that was further exploited & widened by dear old $$$ a bit further down the track.
RELIGION – The way I see it is that there are and always will be a driving section of the religious community, call them evangelicals or whatever you want who think pornography, sex (other than in the dark, between a man & woman with the purpose of procreation in mind) etc. is the root of all evil. They have and will continue to be around (and bleat) as long as we are around.
$$$ – Then next up is dear old money, profit etc. No introduction needed here. Most every company on the planet is exploiting what it can get away with to keep shareholders happy and thus ensure bonuses are paid (usually to and for the few vice the many). Check out this fine example from the last few days on Philly water by Arwa Mahdawi
♀️♂️ – And lastly is sex. Again, no introduction needed. It is what it is but slowly it’s coming out of the dark where powerful men have kept it for way too long. This is a good thing.
8.5/10 – This documentary is a really good watch if you’re interested in the trials & tribulations of pornography and want to understand the scale of this subject. It’s biiiiggg I tells ya!
And after watching it, the position I have taken for a number of years now has only been further reinforced. Which for those who are interested is;
Whilst I accept and will listen to the views of those in religious communities who try to push the line that pornography is the baddest if the bad, I will never agree with them because they are, in my opinion, way out of touch with how many now live their lives or strive to live a life, as equals.
Those with views like this are welcome to espouse them but they better come armed with facts and truth because if what they state can’t be verified & validated, they will be off my Christmas list and should seriously consider getting together and seceding as a state to piss-off out of the lives of those who accept that change is inevitable, with a few bumps & bruises along the way.
And big business… where do you start? Capitalism thrives on exploitation and as to fixing that, best of luck. That said, even in my most pessimistic times, I still advocate doing your research and voting well and if you can, engage with your local politician and make them earn their remuneration. Change is gonna come.
So in summary yes, it’s clear that Pornhub put a target on its own chest somewhat and I can see that they had both good and bad motives in mind when doing this. They stuck out their neck where others wouldn’t and it came a little to close to the guillotine that whizzed past their nose. All this said, I do hope that they start allowing verified content to be sold again to customers but I won’t be holding my breath.
What is crystal clear to me is that this problem has so many layers and you can’t fix this problem without addressing all the issues flagged within these layers that have conveniently been kicked under the rug for way too long now.
So while they say late in the doco that it’s an internet problem, I know better that it’s more of a problem that first started between men, women & power , then religion got involved, then money and now the internet.
Just read this and loved it. David Marr on the enduring business and ethical model of far to many churches… that they clearly refuse to move on from.
I was baptised back in the day at a tiny seaside town church but since that day have barely stepped foot in a church.
I have had a few people along the journey ask me to come and join in with their congregation but I never did and looking back on that decision now, I made the right one.
For me the big issue with the church is gender balance. It’s bloke world for the most part still although there are churches with female ministers/pastors, they are few and far between and as I understand it Anglican or other branches of Christianity.
Then there’s this issue, homosexuality. And as David Marr correctly concludes in the article above its a hill they are seemingly prepared to die on.
It’s a pity that many in the church can’t or won’t get their head around what I consider, the longer I live, to be normal sexual behaviour.
Maybe with Cardinal Pell now gone, they might start to change course and I hope that happens because the church has much to offer society.
Anyhoo, that’s my little rant for today. Please click through to David’s article if this subject is something that you are interested in.
I came across this thread on Reddit this morning and I am really enjoying the questions posed by the community and answers supplied by u/Portarossa. Please click through and have a read yourself if it’s something that interests you. Her deep dives sound really interesting as does her writing generally.
As for moi, I have written about erotica a little previously specifically as viewed through the lens of Medium.
I absolutely love some of the writers on there and how they can tease out a story and raise my temperature enough to, as someone mentions in the thread, needing rub one out!
I have not come across this lady previously but am stoked to stumble across her work because kind of like Dipsea and Medium, fantasy’s are so much better with some detail in the mix.
Anyway, will leave it here and try to get my updated creampie post out before the clock strikes midnight on NY Eve.
I have reworked it about 10 times so far and whilst I am close to happy, it refuses to flow for me. #bugger.
FWIW, I will go on record here as a serial offender who is trying to get his head around the reverse of the problem that Meghan mentions.
I don’t think I am selfish but I am a hedonistic bastard who (unthinkingly) so easily hops, skips & jumps on the high speed line to pleasure during the act that I know for a fact that I have been considered a poor shag at times during this life.
Which is the reason that writing such as this is so valuable and I for one will be tipping Meghan after posting this because with her words she is asking us to think about how each of us does intimacy and whether you need a spring clean or indeed need to go back to the books.
So, as always I hope you will drop in on Meghan via this link and maybe check out a few of her other posts.
I really value her opinion and so many others on Medium. It is one of the anchorages in which I seek shelter when this world gets me down with all the death and destruction we (male hands bring mostly) allow to occur in our name.
Why, because we need to smash the patriarchy and then rebuild sexuality from the ground up. #FACT
Porn has a part to play & if you have read a little of my take on things, you will have read that I am very interested in ethical porn and the positive sexual environment it can feed into.
I thus give massive props to Prof Alan McKee and the other researchers who took the time to look at this massive issue and provide guidance like this that will only help the debate we need to continue having, preferably more in the mainstream.
It proves to me that I am largely on the right track with this blog and as such will continue to link articles about human sexuality that I hope influence readers to read widely & most importantly communicate with others about this very important issue within humanity.
And please, if you do go down interesting rabbit holes and think it would be something I might enjoy then feel free to send me a message and I will check it out.
Tris clearly articulates her situation in this post and how she has gone from a woman in sexual chains to one released.
I have feeling that there are more than a few women out there like Tris, who are locked into patriarchal prison, which unfortunately so many men are fine with maintaining but for whatever reason cannot see.
And then there are some who just like the default creation and actively subvert female sexual power & energy at every take.
Also to be clear, this isn’t anywhere as simple as you might expect and thus I would contend that there is also a large cohort of women who like the way things have been and are very keen to not see them change.
But times are a changin, and there is no holding back this tide so if on reading this you decide to take a chance and trust in your sexuality, I hope it is a good experience and you come out of it with more faith in yourself and your place in the world.
Anyway, please have a read and I hope you walk down the Medium road & support writers like Tris because women like her are contributing to a better world for all of us.
It has a great show motto for a start ” Sex is the highway to health” but whilst this is a strong sentence well worth exploring further in its own right, the show – Lust – looks really interesting itself.
Please have a look if it’s something that interests you. I will definitely be having a look for it and hope that it shows on SBS here in Australia because I have interest in another bloody streaming subscription.
I have spoken at length about sex education on this blog with the aim of trying to assist ongoing education in this important area of human development in my small way.
I was though saddened to read this just now as reported in Psypost and written by Beth Ellwood;
I highly recommend that you read the article below as there’s a lot to process in it. Coco Khan has done a fantastic job in listening to this couple and doing them justice in the article.
Essentially, Lacey & Flynn are putting themselves out there via podcast to talk about all things on sex and their relationship. Apparently they actually have sex during the podcast!
I have read the article a couple of times and whilst I applaud them both in taking on a massive subject such as sex, it’s probably not a pod I could see myself listening to.
Why? Well I think the older I get the less interested I am in sex with another human. It’s hard work especially navigating the emotional side that one must confront if you want more than a one night stand.
I may though check out an episode or two from Flynn where he is talking about male sexuality. That is something I definitely relate to at present
All that said though, this pod is recommended if you have the energy and are willing to put yourself out there (in a more difficult time than usual).
My thanks to Coco for this article. It’s a good read and I hope you get something out of it.
Libido…the main attraction at all of our respective showgrounds. The proverbial rollercoaster!
Not a day goes by (as a male) where I not up and/or down in regards to this bodily function, especially now as I get older. One upon a time I could spank the monkey four times a day, sleep for 8 hours and repeat without an issue.
Now, it’s like once a day at best. And frankly I am completely fine with that. Because for once in my life I can occasionally break that life-cycle and save up that precious orgasm so it’s volcanic when I reach climax. Damn…that be some good times!
Dipsea – being the amazing sex positive company that it is, have a good explainer on libido which you will find at the link. It’s worth a few minutes of your time if this is something that interests you. I found the article an enjoyable read.
The main takeaway for me is that libido is something that we should never ever stress about. There’s enough in this life already to stress about, and then some.
And I really liked the self-care advice regards masturbation. I hold strong opinions on masturbation as a tool that can really keep you on a level and it’s great for a good nights sleep also.
Anyhoo, that’s me for this short and sweet post.
Have a great Christmas or however you celebrate the season and I will see you back here for another year of stepping ever so gently through the minefield that is human sexuality.
Update: this post has gone a bit crazy so it’s high time I mentioned the author.
Linked article by: Alexandra Jones.
Hi all,
A good’n below tis…(translates as there is a good post below).
Found this on The Guardian Australia and after reading it, I felt there was some good stuff in the article that needed to be further shared.
At 50 years of age, I completely get the need for quality sex. 34 years in training surely is enough time to dot your i’s and cross your t’s on this important human activity.
I enjoyed lots about this article, especially the mind and how important it is, being present and also opening your mind to all the possibilities that intimacy offers.
Anyway, as always, if human sexuality is your bag (baby – Mr Austin Powers), then this article above will be a moth to a flame moment for you, and I will be the other moth circling the light totally engaged with it also.
And I promise to say hi as we dance around it, wings outstretched, totally enamoured by its beauty.
Ok, it’s a day or so past when I posted this and I am still a little shocked, but happy that education about sex is finally trickling down.
I am also extremely 🙏 for living in a secular country.
Women here are still fighting an uphill battle in many of these areas but things are changing for the better by the day.
Mad props to Mona Eltahawy for what she is doing also.
Check her out on Patreon if you can and please support her work. She is sticking it to the man and I, as a man, love this.
All in all, my heart goes out to any and all women who are oppressed and who can’t get access to simple sexual education. I do hope things keep changing in your countries and communities.
He has single-handedly shown us how to build robust walls to protect those of us grasping at any one time with the many issues that make up human sexuality, against the conservative tide that seeks to erode sexuality to a lights off under the covers 5-minute wham-bam, thankyou ma’am exercise.
I used to read his column back in the day and always looked up to him as someone who wasn’t afraid to speak a truth that was being hushed daily whack-a-mole style by way too many blinkered fools.
Peninsula Polyamory 
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