Category: Marriage

If you don’t want your husband to masturbate… Guess what?

By Dr Samantha Rodman via Medium.

Hi all,

Dr Samantha Rodman “like totally” on point in this post on Medium.

She makes some very valid points IMHO with the main takeaway for me being consensus & compromise.

I wonder how many relationships this particular need affects?

With divorce rates as high as they are I think it would be a solid water to say this issue is definitely in the mix, probably not as a top tier issue but definitely in the shadows lurking and playing it’s part in any life decisions that are made.

Anyway, short & sweet this morning. I hope those of you who read the link get something from the doc’s post.

And please consider supporting Medium or at the least buying the writers that help open our minds a coffee once in a blue moon.

Tis’ a beautiful thing.

Cheers

AES

Kenny Wayne Shepherd – Blue On Black

What I learned from a threesome.

By Patricia Druckerman via Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

I just came across this article. Patricia Druckerman writes a good write and I expect if you click through, you also may find it an enjoyable read.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/apr/23/what-i-learned-from-a-threesome-pamela-druckerman

She covers many interesting points, all of which I would contend factor into our sex lives at one point or another on the journey.

What stood out to me the most was her paragraph towards the end of the article wherein she mentions the male gaze and the tiredness I certainly feel (and I gather many other men of or around my vintage feel) in regards to seeking out sex.

All in all though, I commend her for writing about the experience and all of the baggage that was accumulated from the planning through to the physical act and then additionally writing about it and the barrage of opinions, good & bad that rebounded back at her.

Lastly, I will leave you with an interesting thought. My next post will be commentary on new research that states we are having less sex than at any time previous in history.

This is very interesting to me and I am keen to unpack, write about it and try to understand the “why” as best I can.

Anyway, until the next time inspiration strikes… Adios.

AES

Lauren Boebert will be a grandmother at 36. This is what conservatives want for us.

By Arwa Mahdawi via Guardian Australia.

Morning all,

This article originally appeared in my Reddit feed but after reading the article I felt it needed to be shared.

Arwa IMHO is absolutely spot on with her commentary of this issue generally.

Clearly though, this is a private matter for Boebert, her son & teenage mother to be, but I can’t help but feel for these young people, but not Boebert (she’s just a shit-stirrer).

The SCOTUS decision on Roe vs Wade was a moment in time that dragged U.S. society back into the cave, or, if using this article as a template, back into modern day rural United States (although I hope there are rural areas bucking this recent push?).

Please have a read of the top article, although I did also enjoy the short pieces she also penned on art & free speech and the women swimming topless in Berlin.

All in all, human sexuality and gender issues are always going to be pull-push until enough people vote these issues into a position where society changes for good and conservatives finally work out that hey, women are the equals of men and deserve equality across the board.

Until that time though, it’s game on so please read widely, educate yourself and speak up when and where you can in the hope that we can (at the very least) balance thinking like Boebert’s with widely available resources in all areas for those women who want to or need to use them.

But my great hope is that one day we can finally eliminate thinking like this.

AES

Bruce Springsteen – The River (live)

Why women are sick and tired of having sex with men.

By Katie Jgin via Medium.

Hi all,

I really enjoyed this read. But honestly there’s nothing really new in this post for those of us at the coalface with our trusty Canary in the cage about a metre away chirping it’s little beak off about all the many things Katie covers.

It does though lay out the many and varied reasons in well structured post why humanity finds itself at this sexual junction.

FWIW and drawn from on a life lived listening to men talk about these subjects I would contend that a large majority of men still aren’t listening to women in regards to sex so I tend to agree with Katie, that this sexual drought maybe something that, whilst slow in coming to a final policy position, is a change that just might stick around in society for a long time if not forever.

It also brings me back to the post I wrote about Iceland here. A great bit of TV if you are interested in how a progressive nation is working on these problems.

Please have a read of her article and if you are game leave a comment either here or there. I am keen to hear what other punters have to say on the topic of sexuality and gender and where the merry-go-round stops… or doesn’t stop?

Anyhoo, that’s me and my inspo exhausted for today.

Catch you all in the next post.

AES

Cold Chisel – Merry-Go-Round (live)

Catholic schools hang on for dear life to the shame of homosexuality by David Marr.

By David Marr via Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

Just read this and loved it. David Marr on the enduring business and ethical model of far to many churches… that they clearly refuse to move on from.

I was baptised back in the day at a tiny seaside town church but since that day have barely stepped foot in a church.

I have had a few people along the journey ask me to come and join in with their congregation but I never did and looking back on that decision now, I made the right one.

For me the big issue with the church is gender balance. It’s bloke world for the most part still although there are churches with female ministers/pastors, they are few and far between and as I understand it Anglican or other branches of Christianity.

Then there’s this issue, homosexuality. And as David Marr correctly concludes in the article above its a hill they are seemingly prepared to die on.

It’s a pity that many in the church can’t or won’t get their head around what I consider, the longer I live, to be normal sexual behaviour.

Maybe with Cardinal Pell now gone, they might start to change course and I hope that happens because the church has much to offer society.

Anyhoo, that’s my little rant for today. Please click through to David’s article if this subject is something that you are interested in.

Regards

AES

4 Reasons He Loves Giving You Creampies.

by Nicole Mackenna via Medium.

Hi all,

This is an updated post. It was very ordinary in its original guise and needed some TLC IMHO. I hope it reads better than version 1.0.

Creampie; A verb that describes the act of condomless (unprotected) sex and ejaculating inside of a vagina or anus. The act of not pulling the penis out of the vagina or anus and ejaculating inside.

Hmmm… firstly, whomever came up with this word I do not know but it seems, at least from my perspective rather content in our lexicon of sexual words of late. Type it in the next time you surf porn and you will see what I mean.

For mine, it’s yet another interesting, complex and somewhat touchy subject that I want to expand on briefly in this post with my one cents worth. But first I think you should read Nicole’s excellent post at this link to get the full gist of where I think our “two peas in a pod” heads are at on this subject.

But before I go any further, serious kudos to Nicole for broaching this subject on Medium. Talking about a subject like this that is still seemingly firmly entrenched in the crude, disgusting field of play for mine takes courage. It need not be like this.

IMO there is nothing better, sexier, more loving etc. than moving with your partner to mutual orgasm and depositing your seed deep inside her body. Hugs, smooches, cuddles and other things that show your partner(s) that you love them are up there, but this the creme de la creme (pardon the pun).

All that said, I am sensible enough to understand that there are consequences that accompany this action and whilst a beautiful and amazing part of lovemaking it rarely is ever as simple as that.

AES SOAPBOX ALERT… Ok, I am about to blather on again. And this dear readers is why I carry on about sexual communication as I do and try to broach contraversial topics like this as best I can. Mostly it’s because I want to see this subject discussed and understood primarily by men who atleast during the life I have lived have ejaculated much but talked and understood little about the power of their sperm.

And women get a guernsey too. My great and evental hope is that as part of the balancing of genders that is moving apace presently, reproduction will be discussed more between women and men. It’s definitely in a better place than the 70’s when I was born and I hope the methodical change keeps coming.

Straight up, if you are reading this post and blog generally I reckon you probably already have a good understanding about communication in a relationship and aren’t afraid to discuss the nuts & bolts of sexuality.

You know that I know that you know its so important and something that really needs to be worked on constantly until all needs, wants and importantly no go zones are as clear as a mountain stream in both partners minds. Dig! (as spoken Groove Is In The Heart style).

Unfortunately it seems still not enough happens and I don’t know why that it specifically but I know for a fact there’s a myriad of factors at play and with every relationship having a different deck of cards dealt… it always gonna get messy!

My take… In my life thus far thinking back about the times when I was with women and the level of communication entered into prior to us taking our sexual liberties with each other and post the act, it was somewhere between minimal and none.

I regret those missed communication opportunities but I know for a fact I was but a boy learning as I went along, breaking hearts and learning the hard way as the rule.

What’s that saying… Youth is wasted on the young. So bloody true tis.

For those paying attention I think it’s fair at this point to out (strongly) one of those factors – sex education.

I, like many of us received only the barest bones of sexual education in my formative years. The important years where you are learning about yourself at 200kph, hormones racing and where everything is a blur. We collectively need to do better here.

All the negative shiz out of the way I know for a fact that sex-ed is improving and changing across multiple fronts and this makes me happy. But we are far from nirvana yet so please, keep talking where and when you can about sex because every conversation that breaks down a taboo, even by a tiny margin helps.

It’s these conversations that make the world a better place so chop, chop people… get to it you lot. We have a better world to build, one discussion at a time.

Anyhoo, that’s me for 2022. Thanks again for your patronage, comments and support.

I bid you adieu for 22.

AES

Love this song…

Woman In Chains – Tears For Fears (Live)

My lover says he can’t leave his wife and child for me just yet. Is he being dishonest? (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

Disclaimer – writing this at 5:30 in the morning…buggered if I know why, but the article below opened my word tap. Here goes…

I am going to try, with the most important word in this paragraph being try, to work through the column a little (which contains multiple questions) at the link below.

The premise is that two people have hooked up at work, one of which has fallen emotionally for the other after 3 months.

That person is the initiator of the questions and honestly it isn’t a bad read. And additionally the resulting short and sweet dig into some of questions that arise within the column are timely and balanced. Please click into the link and have a read yourself. I would love to hear others thoughts on this one as it seems to be a regular issue that pops up between men and women and I (and I hope you also) would really like to make some mental ground on this broken record, once and for all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/28/my-lover-says-he-cant-leave-his-wife-and-child-for-me-is-he-being-dishonest

Whilst you are doing that, here’s a few thoughts from moi that continue to circulate in this here brain.

Why can’t we love more than one person? I mean, seriously, why do we default to, and I will use a female friends take on this from a while back when we were each considering the pro’s and con’s of hopping into bed with each other.

I was at a stage were I wanted more sex, a common refrain from men yes but one that women are embracing more and more these days thankfully. I was in a relationship, she was single and she knocked me back because in her words, she didn’t just want a piece of chocolate cake, she wanted the whole cake.

I have ruminated on that statement for years and I think it has been the statement which has helped me steer my course through the relationship minefield (an analogy I like and for mine is fitting) somewhat and certainly one that put (and continues to put) wind in my polyamory leaning sails.

How, you may be asking? Well, whilst it’s clear to this little black duck that polyamory is tough and takes constant maintenance and vigilance to keep the relationship humming along, I much prefer this to the pervasive default unto which the majority of us continue to subscribe.

That being “the one” mentality.

Seriously, I consider this idea to be the largest crock of crap and one that weighs down the potential of human beings to be their best and “love many” in the short time on this planet we are given.

Why do we do this? And yes, I understand that the answer is complex and different for every person somewhat but seriously people, I really hope that with the subtle changes that we are seeing within society and specifically with women, that we might just release a few of those weights holding SS POLYAMORY down and let at least part of that beautiful airship sniff the wind a little higher up.

And before I cark it, I would love to see a world in which the default (damn, I can’t remember the word that goes here – as mentioned in Sex At Dawn), would be this (in my view) lazy bloody relationship default being further eroded within society and put in its place as a refuge for those who still subscribe to the pale, stale male & female, marriage with affairs on the side as a way to live and love.

Locking oneself down is not for me, but hey, I have always been a thinker and feeler. Some might say, a little too much but I am happy in my own skin.

What are your thoughts on the column and ranty-pants comments below it?

I hope to hear from you,

Regards

AES

Crowded House – Chocolate Cake

Interesting…and about bloody time!

Hi all,

If you crossed paths with the news in the last 48 hours you may have heard something about this at the link below.

https://theconversation.com/a-new-national-plan-aims-to-end-violence-against-women-and-children-in-one-generation-can-it-succeed-192497

I saw it on Sunday but wanted to see an outline of the detail and as per usual The Conversation has come through.

It’s an ambitious plan and one I support fully because you don’t have to be Einstein to know we have a problem with violence against women, and it isn’t isolated to Australia either.

And I am glad to see politicians setting the level of the bar with policy so all states, territories and the individuals who inhabit them can see the high water mark and aim for it.

It’s been a long time coming in Australia with the conservatives who ruled over us since 2014 clearly preferring no change to the existing order and for mine that just isn’t good enough.

But I guess that’s why they lost 6-7 seats to independents, and frankly I will be happy to see a few more go from both major political parties at the next election.

Anyhoo, soz for bringing politics into this blog but this connects strongly with my understanding of the problem of violence against women so I thought I would share.

Have a lovely day,

AES

The Doves – There Goes The Fear

Meghan Madness, blowing our minds, well mine anyway…yet again :-)

Hi all,

Just checked my Medium feed and Meghan has dropped this in the last couple of days.

“3 Unnoticeable Things I Learned From Watching Other Couples Have Sex” is an absolute bomb of a read.

FWIW, I will go on record here as a serial offender who is trying to get his head around the reverse of the problem that Meghan mentions.

I don’t think I am selfish but I am a hedonistic bastard who (unthinkingly) so easily hops, skips & jumps on the high speed line to pleasure during the act that I know for a fact that I have been considered a poor shag at times during this life.

Which is the reason that writing such as this is so valuable and I for one will be tipping Meghan after posting this because with her words she is asking us to think about how each of us does intimacy and whether you need a spring clean or indeed need to go back to the books.

So, as always I hope you will drop in on Meghan via this link and maybe check out a few of her other posts.

I really value her opinion and so many others on Medium. It is one of the anchorages in which I seek shelter when this world gets me down with all the death and destruction we (male hands bring mostly) allow to occur in our name.

Catch you next time people,

AES

Icehouse – We Can Get Together (live)

What have we learned from 50 years of studying porn? ‘Heterosexuality is essentially broken’, via Guardian Australia.

OMG, OMG, OMG…soz, didn’t say hi, because this article has blown my tiny mind.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED (and/or CARE) ABOUT SEXUALITY, PORN, CONSENT, SEX EDUCATION…then you really need to read this.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/sep/02/what-have-we-learned-from-50-years-of-studying-porn-heterosexuality-is-essentially-broken

Why, because we need to smash the patriarchy and then rebuild sexuality from the ground up. #FACT

Porn has a part to play & if you have read a little of my take on things, you will have read that I am very interested in ethical porn and the positive sexual environment it can feed into.

I thus give massive props to Prof Alan McKee and the other researchers who took the time to look at this massive issue and provide guidance like this that will only help the debate we need to continue having, preferably more in the mainstream.

It proves to me that I am largely on the right track with this blog and as such will continue to link articles about human sexuality that I hope influence readers to read widely & most importantly communicate with others about this very important issue within humanity.

And please, if you do go down interesting rabbit holes and think it would be something I might enjoy then feel free to send me a message and I will check it out.

Cheers

AES

Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit

I Had an Ex-Boyfriend “With Benefits” and It Was Some of the Best Sex Ever by Emme Witt, via Medium.

Hi all,

A quickie today. Really enjoyed this short read from Emme about fucking your ex.

Why? Because of how she weaves power into the story, the imbalances thereof and how important it is to understand where power resides in your relationship.

It matters. It really does.

https://link.medium.com/gRwY4sjFusb

Anyhoo, as I always try to mention when reposting someone else’s work, Medium is a subscription reader chock full of just about any rabbit hole you feel inclined to drop down for a look.

I have been a subscriber for years and if they keep the same or a similar formula looking after their writers, I will keep renewing

And on Medium you will find Emme and so many others to scratch your itch I can recommend it highly enough.

Anyway, I hope you click through, because this one is a good’n.

Cheers

AES

Meshell Ndeocello – Boyfriend

I’ve been meeting with the same group of men for 36 years – here’s what they’ve taught me, via The Guardian.

Hi all,

A nice read about the benefits of conversation and listening, in this case within one of the first “men’s groups”.

As David mentions in the article, groups like these are much more widely spread these days but that doesn’t mean men still don’t have a ways to go in being able to express themselves emotionally.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/23/meeting-same-group-men-years-david-spiegelhalter

Some inroads have been made, for sure and my feeling is that men are definitely doing better in regards to relationships in the modern day, but divorce and domestic violence are very much still problems that still need answers so that women can live the lives that they should be able to without fear or favour.

Anyway, please click through if this topic interests you and if you’re a man like me, reach out and contact your local men’s shed.

It might just change your life, for the better.

Cheers

AES

Embracing my inner salacious little slut, by Tris Harkness – via Medium.

Hi all,

I just read the post below from Tris and felt I needed to repost it here largely because it was such a positive read.

https://link.medium.com/yWBYdzmzQqb

Tris clearly articulates her situation in this post and how she has gone from a woman in sexual chains to one released.

I have feeling that there are more than a few women out there like Tris, who are locked into patriarchal prison, which unfortunately so many men are fine with maintaining but for whatever reason cannot see.

And then there are some who just like the default creation and actively subvert female sexual power & energy at every take.

Also to be clear, this isn’t anywhere as simple as you might expect and thus I would contend that there is also a large cohort of women who like the way things have been and are very keen to not see them change.

But times are a changin, and there is no holding back this tide so if on reading this you decide to take a chance and trust in your sexuality, I hope it is a good experience and you come out of it with more faith in yourself and your place in the world.

Anyway, please have a read and I hope you walk down the Medium road & support writers like Tris because women like her are contributing to a better world for all of us.

Cheers

AES

Tears For Fears – Woman In Chains

The Green Eyed Monster…is never far away.

Hi all,

Came across this thread on Reddit and found it interesting.

Study finds women are more jealous than men of their spouse’s opposite-sex friend from science

I have written about jealousy before and frankly can’t admit to knowing any more about or indeed having any more or less control over it than anyone else.

I am however, a student of the mind and as it is our largest sexual organ and primarily the place where jealousy will show itself from I had to repost this thread here.

Please have a read of the article and as much of the thread as you can manage (I got a few scrolls in) and if you want to discuss this important emotion as related to sexuality, please add a comment.

I would love to read other people’s take on it.

Cheers

AES

The Gun Blossoms – Hey Jealousy

‘I suffered for my rage’: Sofia Helin on Lust, The Bridge and the collapse of Sweden’s #MeToo movement (via Guardian Aust).

Hi all,

This looks interesting.

It has a great show motto for a start ” Sex is the highway to health” but whilst this is a strong sentence well worth exploring further in its own right, the show – Lust – looks really interesting itself.

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2022/apr/12/i-suffered-for-my-rage-sofia-helin-on-lust-the-bridge-and-the-collapse-of-swedens-metoo-movement

Please have a look if it’s something that interests you. I will definitely be having a look for it and hope that it shows on SBS here in Australia because I have interest in another bloody streaming subscription.

Anyway, that’s me for this short & sweet post.

Adios

AES