The secret to great sex? It’s not what you think …(via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

A good’n below tis…(translates as there is a good post below).

Found this on The Guardian Australia and after reading it, I felt there was some good stuff in the article that needed to be further shared.

At 50 years of age, I completely get the need for quality sex. 34 years in training surely is enough time to dot your i’s and cross your t’s on this important human activity.

I enjoyed much about this article, the mind, being present opening your mind to all the possibilities that intimacy offers.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/nov/26/he-secret-to-great-sex-erotic-intimacy-study?

Anyway, as always, if human sexuality is your bag, then this article above will be a moth to a flame moment for you, and I will be the other moth circling the light totally engaged with it.

I promise to say hi as we dance around it, wings outstretched, totally enamoured by its beauty.

Enjoy people,

AES (for N’s Oma)

Donna Summer – Love To Love You Baby

The Women Bringing Sex Ed to the Arab World – New York Times via @inkl

Just wow!

Oh…hi all.

I just came across this and it has knocked me out temporarily. This post is going to end here, but please read the NYT article at the link.

https://inkl.com/a/PLqjXWiGwRb

Ok, it’s a day or so past when I posted this and I am still a little shocked, but happy that education about sex is finally trickling down.

I am also extremely 🙏 for living in a secular country.

Women here are still fighting an uphill battle in many of these areas but things are changing for the better by the day.

Mad props to Mona Eltahawy for what she is doing also.

Check her out on Patreon if you can and please support her work. She is sticking it to the man and I, as a man, love this.

All in all, my heart goes our to women who are oppressed and who can’t get access to simple sexual education. I do hope things keep changing in your countries and communities.

AES

Affirmative Consent…more support needed.

Hi all,

The article at the link below is a potent read and I implore you to venture down this rabbit hole if you, like me are tired of the multitudes of stories in which men (largely) are left wanting in this area of human sexuality.

I have been carrying on like a pork-chop for years on this blog about the need for robust, comprehensive and mostly better sexual education in this country and its clear in reading this article that – we ain’t there yet.

But on the positive tip, things are getting better. 2021, as Saxon mentions has been a year in which change has trickled down and left those of us who care deeply about this and many other issues around gender feeling like the winds of change are rising.

https://www.thesaturdaypaper.com.au/share/12928/cIJGuT9

But they can only rise to a level where genuine change can happen (legislation) when enough people want change and are prepared to give up some of their time to chaperone that change past many obstacles in its path.

A federal election is coming (and I will post more on that soon) and so I ask;

Will you stand still and allow the standard you accept to move on by or will you step up and say something?

I hope it’s the latter. For everyone’s sake.

Regards

AES

Dan Savage: ‘When politicians leave sex alone, I’ll leave politics alone’ (via The Guardian Aust).

Hi all,

Dan Savage ROCKS!

He has single-handedly pushed human sexuality against the conservative tide that seeks to keep sex in a box.

I used to read his column back in the day and always looked up to him as someone who wasn’t afraid to speak a truth that was being hushed daily whack-a-mole style by way too many blinkered fools.

I loved reading this article and I hope you do too.

He is a fantastic human being and I thank him for his contribution to humanity and sexuality.

Kind regards

AES

A Good Read – The New World Of Sex That Awaits Us (via The Atlantic).

A Better Way to Write About Sex – The Atlantic via @inkl https://inkl.com/a/wEpzjXHqYrz

Hi all,

I really enjoyed this read above (thanks Inkl). It’s tops of a big last four weeks in human sexuality here in Victoria, Australia.

We have had the bill passed to legalise sexwork (thanks to Fiona Patten, her team & those who supported the bill) which is massive in itself for all and sundry involved in this industry and then a couple of days ago, the Victorian parliament approved laws around sexual consent (stealthing etc.) which is also a huge step forward in gender equity.

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2021/nov/12/affirmative-consent-laws-to-be-introduced-in-victoria-in-incredible-step-forward

Then about 20 minutes ago the article linked at the top of this post popped up in my Inkl.com feed.

I mean who knew that the inventor of Kelloggs conflakes was also negative about self-pleasure & masturbation?

If we had met, he & I would have surely had words, because masturbation is the bomb IMHO and is something I plan to do until my dying breath.

Anyhoo, have a read of the article if you are interested in venturing down this rabbit hole and maybe you will take an offshoot tunnel in the article and look into one of the books referenced in the article?

All in all though, I am stoked that we are making ground on the subject of sex slowly and surely whilst also leaving room for everyone to find their happy place in the many cul de sac’s on La Rue De Sex.

Enjoy people,

AES

Mazzy Star – Fade Into You

Radical anti-women groups like ‘Incels’ on the rise, via SBS.

Hi all,

I have had this one simmering away in the background for a while and it’s way about time it saw some sunlight.

But first, two definitions;

misogyny/məˈsɒdʒəni/ (say muh’sojuhnee)

noun 1.  hatred of women.

2.  entrenched prejudice against women.Compare misandry. [Greek mīsogynia]
misogynistnoun
misogynisticadjective
misogynousadjective

Usage: This word which entered English as a gloss of the Greek word in the 1600s, acquired a pair in misandry in the 1890s, The extension of meaning from def. 1 to def. 2 occurred during the 1900s, notably in feminist discourse.

misandry/mɪsˈændri/ (say mis’andree)

noun 1.  the hatred of men.

2.  entrenched prejudice against men. Compare misogyny. [late 1800s from Greek mīsandria]
misandristnounadjective

Usage: This word has considerably less frequency than misogyny, but extended its use from def. 1 to def. 2 in a similar fashion in the 1900s.

The third link below directly references these words above but they won’t be to far away if you are reading anything to do with the rise of the incel.

Have a read of all three below if you have time and you will start to see why this behaviour needs further discussion at all levels, amongst all cultures and all religions.

https://www.sbs.com.au/news/the-feed/radical-anti-women-groups-like-incels-on-the-rise


https://www.theguardian.com/media/2021/aug/16/social-networks-struggle-to-crack-down-on-incel-movement

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/oct/18/i-feel-hurt-that-my-life-has-ended-up-here-the-women-who-are-involuntary-celibates

What do I make of this new group of (largely) men?

Men, in my view have had this coming for a long time, and whilst I will always feel sympathy for any individual that I get to meet and understand their specific circumstance, I refuse to generally respect those that gather in groups and be disrespectful to women.

In my life thus far I have come to see men as being their own worst enemy in a lot of ways, in particular the macho way so many of us still go about our day to day business. There clearly is a cohort of powerful men who clearly make things worse for other cohorts and so the cycle turns, but now with the added rise of women in the mix and thus, the incel is born.

As I have aluded to on many of these posts, it makes for interesting times, and things may well stay this way for a while if not forever because clearly, the aforementioned cohort of powerful men are not interested in the slightest about the plight of those who for whatever reason don’t share or desire their abilities be they inherited or built.

Anyway, this is yet another massive subject that I can’t do justice to in just one post, so please, lean in and offer your thoughts in the way of a comment and maybe I will bring them together in a second post and you never know, we might just be able to crack this nut, so to speak.

Until then, adios.

AES

RHCP – The Power Of Equality

Happening review – sex and abortion on the new frontline in 60s France (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

This looks good.

And Happening is especially relevant at the moment with Texas and its new laws regarding abortion.

In Australia, the backwater that it can be at times, we also have a conservative government who can’t or won’t get its collective (pardon my use of that word. I understand it doesn’t apply to conservatives) head around women and their place as equals in society.

Check out the review above and maybe it appeals, or maybe not?

Either way, it highlights an issue we very much need to confront and work through in both genders.

Adios
AES

Ani DiFranco – Tiptoe

I walked 6km’s in the Hawaiian sun to buy this album “Living In Clip” which I had heard first on 3RRR Melbourne – Off The Record (Saturday morning’s at 9am).

It was so worth it.

OnlyFans to ban adult material…WTF!

Update 25th Aug – decision to remove pornographic material has been suspended…

Hi all,

You may have missed this or maybe not. I didnt.

Firstly, I will admit to never venturing onto Only Fans but I am clear in understanding it to be a step forward for humanity in finally acknowledging our rampant sexuality and hitting online free porn with a sharp uppercut in the process.

As Tim says below, it enabled sex-workers and other individuals to monetise their art safely and also as I have said above, hitting back at free-porn (which is an indidious evil run by a handful of individuals that exists only to exploit people and is I would contend not a step in the right direction for sexual freedom and individual liberties).

If you’ve never heard of OnlyFans at all, it’s a site where people share images and video, which fans can access after paying a certain amount per month. It’s become popular with sex workers and online performers because it allows them to build a safe relationship with fans without having to just upload their work to the public internet. Of course, it’s popular with fans of that kind of content too because they can support and communicate with performers directly.
It’s $US5 billion so far, $US2 billion in the last year, of which 80 per cent went to creators. But porn makes people nervous (and exposes thorny issues, with OnlyFans saying last month it deactivated 15 accounts for posting images of underage people); big investors and banks don’t want a bar of it. Like Twitch with its clothing policies or Tumblr’s anti-queer pivot in 2018, the internet loves to support sexual freedom and expression, unless it gets in the way of perpetual growth.
via The Age, Melbourne

This link from the Guardian provides an update on what happened with Only Fans and why they have taken the action they have.

And here’s another article to get you up to speed;

https://www.inputmag.com/tech/onlyfans-is-banning-porn-the-very-thing-that-made-it-big

Tumblr went the same way in cutting out sexual expression when they decided to go all draconian on creators and what they were saying through their posts.

I had a Tumblr account and I was happy to pay a price to check out sexy posts from people that had a particular sexual bent that I found interesting.

Just imagine the potential here people. If done right with the right regulation and settings in place, sites like Tumblr and Only Fans and others that have come and gone over the years might have even got as far one day to coax sexuality like beastiality and other weird shit that I personally would rather see regulated and available to those who want to pay for that stuff rather than on the dark web with us the tax-payer continually chucking cash in the law enforcement bucket to chase these evil people down and prosecute their arses only to rinse and repeat next month.

I mean, c’mon…really? Surely one day we can fucking well acknowledge who we are as humans and all the fucking weird shit that we think about and make it available for those that are interested such that people of all ages, races and cultures stop being exploited by a few rich arseholes across the world.

Is that really too much to ask?

Anyway, sorry for the rant. There’s a bit of information for you which I think clearly outlines where we are in regards to sexuality (still) and where we need to be if we are to see real change in humanity and the way we generally perceive sex.

Regards
AES

‘We always see sex from the man’s view’: Cammie Toloui, the peep show performer who peeped back (via The Guardian Australia).

Hi all

This is a fantastic article and I hope you can spare some time to read it.

For a long time its been very clear to me that human sexuality generally speaking is unbalanced and has an overall bias favouring men.

If indeed you feel this way or are willing to open you mind to the idea, then this article is for you.

I feel Cammie is speaking a truth we all need to embrace via her photos and in this article.  And its true that this embrace of truth and balance is getting stronger by the day but there’s a lot of resistance still from those whose blinkers are on for life.

And I am very strongly for our collective sexuality having more sunlight shone on it through fantastic pieces of art like this in order for the good ship S.E.X to continue making its important headway on this subject.

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2021/aug/16/cammie-toloui-camera-sex-worker-photojournalist

Correct me if I am wrong but I think the saying is that a picture is worth a thousand words and maybe that’s the case with her book.

I will try to grab a copy but I think she has said enough for mine in the article.

Anyway, I hope you get something out of this one.

Cheers
AES

Tina Turner – Private Dancer

Times are a changin…

Hi all,

I have seen this change coming for a while so believe me when I say that having a child as a single parent or as a same-sex couple is going to be the next big thing for the matriarchy.

COVID-19 pandemic-fuelled IVF baby boom creating ‘sperm drought’ across Australia – ABC News via @inkl https://inkl.com/a/QJxnvZiLmbk

The world is clearly changing and women are slowly winning battles that will enable them to be genuine equals against the dominant gender (as things always should have been in humanity from the start but never were).

So mark my words that I definitely can see a time in the next 10 years or so when some governments swing their policies to support this now viable option in order to keep births at a sustainable replacement rate.

But where there are winners, there will also be losers and one winner from the loser category (see what I did there!) might be the incel groups who will keep growing as women tread their own path either alone or with another woman rather than a man.

As always, it makes for interesting times and I will definitely be writing more about this so if you have gotten this far, please drop by again as…

Shit’s about to get real for the patriarchy!

Regards
AES

Mr Mister, Something Real

Blind date: ‘Would we have kissed? We shall never know’ (via Guardian Australia)

Hi all,

I read these columns every now and then and always enjoy them.

This one was another classic date night with two interesting people meeting each other in public for the first time.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jul/03/blind-date-eva-anita?

The parts of the column I find really interesting, actually the questions I find interesting are;

1. What did you talk about?

I like this question because I havent yet  seen a set of answers that align between both people.  That I find really interesting.

Note: that this could be some selective editing to?

2.  Marks out of 10?

And this because who doesnt enjoy seeing some potential for happiness being created.

These two people gave each other a 10 and I really hope those numbers and the general vibe we the reader gets from the column means that these two people will catch up again.

Enjoy 🙂
AES

Van Halen, Love Walks In.

Victorian government to decriminalise sex work after review hears of exploitation (via The Guardian Aust).

This is brilliant news and I look forward to reading more on and about the decision over the next few weeks so I can break it down further on this blog.

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2021/jun/30/victorian-government-to-decriminalise-sex-work-after-review-hears-of-exploitation

Update 28th Aug 2021, again from The Guardian Aust;

“The Queensland government has taken the first step toward decriminalising sex work, asking the law reform commission to review and investigate the regulation of a new framework for the industry.

It comes a week after legislation to decriminalise sex work was tabled in the Victorian parliament.

The Queensland attorney general, Shannon Fentiman, told AAP on Saturday:

Feedback from the sector has been that current laws criminalise safety strategies used by sex workers.

A key focus of this review is the safety of workers and putting in place proper regulation so the industry doesn’t operate in the shadows.

Sex workers shouldn’t have to choose between working legally and being safe at work.

The Queensland Law Reform Commission will consult with workers and licensees, their representative bodies and other stakeholders as part of the process.

There are currently two legal forms of regulated sex work in Queensland: services provided in a licensed brothel, not including outcalls from the premises; and those provided by sole operators in-house or as outcalls.

Any other form of sex work is illegal including services provided by escort agencies, unlicensed brothels, massage parlours, street workers and two or more sex workers operating from a single premises.

The commission will provide its report, including any draft legislation required by 27 November 2022″.

Finally, sex-work is finding a legal & sensible place in this country.

I welcome this long overdue change.


Cheers
AES

The Police, Roxanne

Ghislaine Maxwell began to share ‘little black book’ with Epstein as early as the 1980s (via The Guardian Aust).

Hi again all,

Men.

You don’t have to be Einstein to understand that the male gender has been responsible for so much pain and suffering towards women since time immortal.

Just try this.  As an exercise in the comprehension of this statement take the next 10-15 seconds and think about the amount of times you have heard about men behaving badly over the past 5-10 years.

And I dont mean to be awful, but if you didn’t get to five as a minimum, you haven’t been paying attention.

In getting down from my soap-box now  I will admit that I kinda understand if you couldnt recall many as I largely switch off now also. 

There’s just too many.

This list above was last updated 18 months ago…and as far as I can see is only US men!!

Then there’s the now departed Mr Epstein & Ms Maxwell.  That’s a whole other can of worms!

And why Ghislane shared the book…we may never know?

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jun/27/ghislaine-maxwell-began-to-share-little-black-book-with-epstein-as-early-as-the-1980s?

And what drives this behaviour???

I genuinely dont know but I have said for a long time that testosterone, the male sex hormone clearly needs to be understood better…by everyone. 

And…

#STAT

I think its fair to say that most men including yours truly only barely understands it’s power.

One thought (read potential solution) I have entertained for a while would be for each gender to wear patches containing the opposite sex’s hormone for a short time at the appropriate time during their development (if indeed there is an appropriate time as each gender develops?).

I am no scientist but just maybe this would help the level of understanding  and in doing so assist us to reduce the incidence of harassment, associated sex crimes and general bastardry we impart on women as we men grow up.

Clearly though, we need to keep moving forward on this massive problem that potentially ends in a similar way to that reported in my last post.

And that, dear readers is a bloody sad &  sorry situation.

WE CAN AND MUST DO BETTER.

AES

Clamping koala: how a new sex guide prompted complaints – and delight (via The Guardian).

How good are the Norwegians?

In my mind, utterly brilliant.  Now lets contrast that with conservative Australia.

OMG…shit would get real for our public broadcaster if they made and distributed something like this.  I can just imagine the hoo-haa that Murdoch media (the city papers, SKY, city radio stations (AM) etc.) would drum up.

That said SBS Australia is known for its risque programming so maybe there is some hope there after all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/21/clamping-koala-how-a-new-sex-guide-prompted-complaints-and-delight

Anyway, I am just glad someone is talking about sexuality as that’s the only way we move forward as a species.

Enjoy
AES

Thomas Brand on Polyamory (via Medium).

Hi all,

I had moved away from poly for a few reasons but then tonight I read this article by Thomas and I think I need to revisit The Ethical Slut soon for a refresh.

Back in the day I used to think polyamory was the next big thing but that time came & went (in Australia specifically) with the default in marriage staying the course as the default long-term relationship option.


Polyamory isnt dead yet though and I really hope it hangs around because I feel its time will come again as both genders methodically find solutions to problems that have and still constrain gender balance.

I see traditional marriage as big supporter of gender inequality but that said I am sure there are many great examples of marriage that show it in a better light.

Anyway, this article will provide you with a small window into the world of the polyamourous via one of the many emotional mines on the minefield of love that can stop a polyamourous relationship in its tracks. 

Compersion; is defined in the Urban Dictionary as:
A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship“.
Thomas discusses compersion and in doing so will take you in a journey about commitment, patience and empathy for your significant other.

https://link.medium.com/JWuaE93pOgb

Compersion


Anyhoo, I hope you click through (see my p.s. below first) and until next time peeps, keep living & loving like there’s no tomorrow.

Here’s a bit of QOTSA to get you in a loving mood.

I wanna make it wit chu

AES

p.s. Medium is a subscriber based site so you are going to have to cough up some cash to read the main link.

I reckon its completely worth it as Medium is chock full of brainy goodness, but that’s your call.