My lover says he can’t leave his wife and child for me just yet. Is he being dishonest? (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

Disclaimer – writing this at 5:30 in the morning…buggered if I know why, but the article below opened my word tap. Here goes…

I am going to try, with the most important word in this paragraph being try, to work through the column a little (which contains multiple questions) at the link below.

The premise is that two people have hooked up at work, one of which has fallen emotionally for the other after 3 months.

That person is the initiator of the questions and honestly it isn’t a bad read. And additionally the resulting short and sweet dig into some of questions that arise within the column are timely and balanced. Please click into the link and have a read yourself. I would love to hear others thoughts on this one as it seems to be a regular issue that pops up between men and women and I (and I hope you also) would really like to make some mental ground on this broken record, once and for all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/28/my-lover-says-he-cant-leave-his-wife-and-child-for-me-is-he-being-dishonest

Whilst you are doing that, here’s a few thoughts from moi that continue to circulate in this here brain.

Why can’t we love more than one person? I mean, seriously, why do we default to, and I will use a female friends take on this from a while back when we were each considering the pro’s and con’s of hopping into bed with each other.

I was at a stage were I wanted more sex, a common refrain from men yes but one that women are embracing more and more these days thankfully. I was in a relationship, she was single and she knocked me back because in her words, she didn’t just want a piece of chocolate cake, she wanted the whole cake.

I have ruminated on that statement for years and I think it has been the statement which has helped me steer my course through the relationship minefield (an analogy I like and for mine is fitting) somewhat and certainly one that put (and continues to put) wind in my polyamory leaning sails.

How, you may be asking? Well, whilst it’s clear to this little black duck that polyamory is tough and takes constant maintenance and vigilance to keep the relationship humming along, I much prefer this to the pervasive default unto which the majority of us continue to subscribe.

That being “the one” mentality.

Seriously, I consider this idea to be the largest crock of crap and one that weighs down the potential of human beings to be their best and “love many” in the short time on this planet we are given.

Why do we do this? And yes, I understand that the answer is complex and different for every person somewhat but seriously people, I really hope that with the subtle changes that we are seeing within society and specifically with women, that we might just release a few of those weights holding SS POLYAMORY down and let at least part of that beautiful airship sniff the wind a little higher up.

And before I cark it, I would love to see a world in which the default (damn, I can’t remember the word that goes here – as mentioned in Sex At Dawn), would be this (in my view) lazy bloody relationship default being further eroded within society and put in its place as a refuge for those who still subscribe to the pale, stale male & female, marriage with affairs on the side as a way to live and love.

Locking oneself down is not for me, but hey, I have always been a thinker and feeler. Some might say, a little too much but I am happy in my own skin.

What are your thoughts on the column and ranty-pants comments below it?

I hope to hear from you,

Regards

AES

Crowded House – Chocolate Cake

Ghislaine Maxwell began to share ‘little black book’ with Epstein as early as the 1980s (via The Guardian Aust).

Hi again all,

Men.

You don’t have to be Einstein to understand that the male gender has been responsible for so much pain and suffering towards women since time immortal.

Just try this.  As an exercise in the comprehension of this statement take the next 10-15 seconds and think about the amount of times you have heard about men behaving badly over the past 5-10 years.

And I dont mean to be awful, but if you didn’t get to five as a minimum, you haven’t been paying attention.

In getting down from my soap-box now  I will admit that I kinda understand if you couldnt recall many as I largely switch off now also. 

There’s just too many.

This list above was last updated 18 months ago…and as far as I can see is only US men!!

Then there’s the now departed Mr Epstein & Ms Maxwell.  That’s a whole other can of worms!

And why Ghislane shared the book…we may never know?

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/jun/27/ghislaine-maxwell-began-to-share-little-black-book-with-epstein-as-early-as-the-1980s?

And what drives this behaviour???

I genuinely dont know but I have said for a long time that testosterone, the male sex hormone clearly needs to be understood better…by everyone. 

And…

#STAT

I think its fair to say that most men including yours truly only barely understands it’s power.

One thought (read potential solution) I have entertained for a while would be for each gender to wear patches containing the opposite sex’s hormone for a short time at the appropriate time during their development (if indeed there is an appropriate time as each gender develops?).

I am no scientist but just maybe this would help the level of understanding  and in doing so assist us to reduce the incidence of harassment, associated sex crimes and general bastardry we impart on women as we men grow up.

Clearly though, we need to keep moving forward on this massive problem that potentially ends in a similar way to that reported in my last post.

And that, dear readers is a bloody sad &  sorry situation.

WE CAN AND MUST DO BETTER.

AES

A very sad situation.

Hi all,

I just came across this article and it really resonated with me.

I warn you, it’s bloody sad but please have a read of it at the link below and then make up your own mind.

Valerie Bacot: French woman who murdered her rapist husband walks free from court.

The Telegraph via @inkl https://inkl.com/a/bddkMAILBMv

For my one cents worth, this is yet another story in a recent chapter of an old and long book on patriachal control that really needs more support from the masses to enable it to cut through and be heard in our centres of power.

That support will empower our politicians to move on it and make some real forward progress on gender relations.

Without that support and overall understanding of what is at stake here from the general public, women will continue to suffer at the hands of men as they have for far too long now.

Things need to change and the only way this happens is through legislation and thus law.

It’s just not good enough for even one woman (first world Australian context) to suffer at the hands of a man in 2021.

Please read up on this subject and if you also feel that change is needed, then please seek out the political party at the next election that has policies which will move us forward and give them your vote.

This must stop.

AES

Till It Happens To You, Lady Gaga

“As A Sex Therapist, I Can Tell You You’re Asking The Wrong Question About Sexual Harassment”

And about bloody time…

Hi all BTW,

For the longest time I have thought that more needs to be done in this area of human sexuality.

I mean, surely you have seen the parade of men and a few women over the past decade whom have had their lives and careers ruined after being found GUILTY of sexual harassment?

And if you joined the dots at that time, did you talk about this epidemic with anyone?

I am guessing, probs not? 

It’s a male thing mostly and men mostly don’t talk about their sexuality to other men.
And women don’t talk to men etc. etc.

And around we go again.  Line em up!

What Stephen offers here is the solution.
And it’s pretty simple and if we could collectively pull our heads out of our arses, we might be able to pull together pretty quickly and solve this one so men & women could put this issue that refuses to die behind them.

But we won’t.  Not for a long while anyway for a number of reasons I won’t bore you with, suffice to say there is a solution and it starts when you read this post at the link.

Medium is a paid site so you can’t read this without joining but as I have mentioned a number of times, it will be worth a few bucks just to read genius like this.


“As A Sex Therapist, I Can Tell You You’re Asking The Wrong Question About Sexual Harassment” by Steven Ing https://link.medium.com/jjw07gXNy6

AES

https://youtu.be/79cG_F1GxfI

On the Soapbox ALERT!

IMHO the Australian Bachelor TV show demeans humanity and is an utter waste of breathable oxygen.

Additionally, I am strongly of the opinion that it clearly doesnt assist either gender in any way, shape or form to move forward.

The current series is being advertised on Channel 10 in Australia and every time it comes on I look at it briefly and wonder… what is it that makes women (in this case) demean themselves and their gender so utterly and completely, just for a bloke (and love)?

I really don’t understand it and frankly can’t be bothered talking about it any longer because I am in the business of growing my brain vice those who support this type of “reality TV”.

AES

Michael Franco was so right!

The S Word…Stands For Shite?

Sam Brett, columnist for the Australian Fairfax papers produces a video blog every week and I have to say having watched two or three now that it is the most unbalanced piece of shite that I have viewed in a long time.

Just so we are on the same page, I have checked out a lot of blogs since starting this little male sex rant.

Have a look for yourself if you don’t believe me;

http://media.theage.com.au/life-and-style/the-s-word/porn-is-it-ruining-your-sex-life-2404819.html

Face facts Sam, most men check out porn and probably quite a lot do so because women walk around with their fucking heads in the clouds in regards to the male sex drive with the exception of when they want to have a baby.

This shit has got to stop and soon. Can we possibly just try to acknowledge that men generally want more sex than women do and if a ratio that kept both genders happy could be achieved what are the consequences for women?

1. Healthier happier Men and Women all over the world.

2. The pornography industry might actually decrease.

3. Stronger relationships potentially.

4. We might see sexual harassment and assaults potentially drop in number?

5. Prostitution might actually die off from a lack of clientele.

This is a fucking no-brainer women. Cant you see this?

It’s a win-win situation. You give a little you get a whole lot more in return.

What a waste of airtime shit like this is. It’s 2011 if you hadn’t noticed Sam?

Angry AES has now left the building.

p.s. I recommend that you try a few of the links on my page as there is some really interesting people blogging about sex whom are genuinely trying to move us forward as a society.