Month: October 2022

My lover says he can’t leave his wife and child for me just yet. Is he being dishonest? (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

Disclaimer – writing this at 5:30 in the morning…buggered if I know why, but the article below opened my word tap. Here goes…

I am going to try, with the most important word in this paragraph being try, to work through the column a little (which contains multiple questions) at the link below.

The premise is that two people have hooked up at work, one of which has fallen emotionally for the other after 3 months.

That person is the initiator of the questions and honestly it isn’t a bad read. And additionally the resulting short and sweet dig into some of questions that arise within the column are timely and balanced. Please click into the link and have a read yourself. I would love to hear others thoughts on this one as it seems to be a regular issue that pops up between men and women and I (and I hope you also) would really like to make some mental ground on this broken record, once and for all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/28/my-lover-says-he-cant-leave-his-wife-and-child-for-me-is-he-being-dishonest

Whilst you are doing that, here’s a few thoughts from moi that continue to circulate in this here brain.

Why can’t we love more than one person? I mean, seriously, why do we default to, and I will use a female friends take on this from a while back when we were each considering the pro’s and con’s of hopping into bed with each other.

I was at a stage were I wanted more sex, a common refrain from men yes but one that women are embracing more and more these days thankfully. I was in a relationship, she was single and she knocked me back because in her words, she didn’t just want a piece of chocolate cake, she wanted the whole cake.

I have ruminated on that statement for years and I think it has been the statement which has helped me steer my course through the relationship minefield (an analogy I like and for mine is fitting) somewhat and certainly one that put (and continues to put) wind in my polyamory leaning sails.

How, you may be asking? Well, whilst it’s clear to this little black duck that polyamory is tough and takes constant maintenance and vigilance to keep the relationship humming along, I much prefer this to the pervasive default unto which the majority of us continue to subscribe.

That being “the one” mentality.

Seriously, I consider this idea to be the largest crock of crap and one that weighs down the potential of human beings to be their best and “love many” in the short time on this planet we are given.

Why do we do this? And yes, I understand that the answer is complex and different for every person somewhat but seriously people, I really hope that with the subtle changes that we are seeing within society and specifically with women, that we might just release a few of those weights holding SS POLYAMORY down and let at least part of that beautiful airship sniff the wind a little higher up.

And before I cark it, I would love to see a world in which the default (damn, I can’t remember the word that goes here – as mentioned in Sex At Dawn), would be this (in my view) lazy bloody relationship default being further eroded within society and put in its place as a refuge for those who still subscribe to the pale, stale male & female, marriage with affairs on the side as a way to live and love.

Locking oneself down is not for me, but hey, I have always been a thinker and feeler. Some might say, a little too much but I am happy in my own skin.

What are your thoughts on the column and ranty-pants comments below it?

I hope to hear from you,

Regards

AES

Crowded House – Chocolate Cake

Interesting…and about bloody time!

Hi all,

If you crossed paths with the news in the last 48 hours you may have heard something about this at the link below.

https://theconversation.com/a-new-national-plan-aims-to-end-violence-against-women-and-children-in-one-generation-can-it-succeed-192497

I saw it on Sunday but wanted to see an outline of the detail and as per usual The Conversation has come through.

It’s an ambitious plan and one I support fully because you don’t have to be Einstein to know we have a problem with violence against women, and it isn’t isolated to Australia either.

And I am glad to see politicians setting the level of the bar with policy so all states, territories and the individuals who inhabit them can see the high water mark and aim for it.

It’s been a long time coming in Australia with the conservatives who ruled over us since 2014 clearly preferring no change to the existing order and for mine that just isn’t good enough.

But I guess that’s why they lost 6-7 seats to independents, and frankly I will be happy to see a few more go from both major political parties at the next election.

Anyhoo, soz for bringing politics into this blog but this connects strongly with my understanding of the problem of violence against women so I thought I would share.

Have a lovely day,

AES

The Doves – There Goes The Fear

Me…hanging with other writers speaking my truth.

Hi all,

I wrote the below a couple of months ago when I was at an absolute low in life.

I just needed to flush out what I had been hiding away for so long and because I utterly dig Medium as a medium for people who want to express themselves via the written word, I thought…

…why the bloody hell not.

So, if you are game, click this link and read about a bloke who caught Herpes in his early twenties and who now is finally at peace with it, nearly 30 years later.

I am writing a follow up about sex and Herpes and it will hit the streets when I think it is coherent enough to publish.

The usual disclaimer – Medium ain’t free but it like any independent media, Substack, Patreon and so many more rely on the support of people who like to read widely.

Please support it if you can.

Anyway, take care of yourselves out there people.

Catch you on the flip-side,

AES

Love this track,

Billy Joel – A Matter Of Trust

Meghan Madness, blowing our minds, well mine anyway…yet again :-)

Hi all,

Just checked my Medium feed and Meghan has dropped this in the last couple of days.

“3 Unnoticeable Things I Learned From Watching Other Couples Have Sex” is an absolute bomb of a read.

FWIW, I will go on record here as a serial offender who is trying to get his head around the reverse of the problem that Meghan mentions.

I don’t think I am selfish but I am a hedonistic bastard who (unthinkingly) so easily hops, skips & jumps on the high speed line to pleasure during the act that I know for a fact that I have been considered a poor shag at times during this life.

Which is the reason that writing such as this is so valuable and I for one will be tipping Meghan after posting this because with her words she is asking us to think about how each of us does intimacy and whether you need a spring clean or indeed need to go back to the books.

So, as always I hope you will drop in on Meghan via this link and maybe check out a few of her other posts.

I really value her opinion and so many others on Medium. It is one of the anchorages in which I seek shelter when this world gets me down with all the death and destruction we (male hands bring mostly) allow to occur in our name.

Catch you next time people,

AES

Icehouse – We Can Get Together (live)