Been thinking about this word a lot of late and about my take on sex and love…
What bought this all on you ask? Do read on…
Regular readers of my take on sexuality and its coexistence with everything we are and do may remember that the girly and I are in an open relationship and have been for a few years now. It wasn’t easy getting to this point but it may be a little easier going forward now that I know better where my head and heart are. Thanks in a large part to the cathartic writing and research for this blog.
On with the story…was on the train last weekend complete with my copy of The Ethical Slut which for the record I have only been able to pick up and read little by little over the last few months since purchasing it. Why?
Well, my experience’s thus far over 40 years on the planet dealing with women and sex and love has been quite the saga. I really only have had a few opportunities to have sex with women without having to answer 1000 questions prior, prove myself via dates a plenty and so on and so forth. Then there is the issue of giving your heart to her and only her. It is, has and continues to be very draining I can tell you.
So while reading this book has been a wonderful experience, coming back to reality is like being in a 747 crash landing. I am winning the war though albeit slowly and know in my heart that polyamory is for me in the long term. Slow and steady will win this race.
So where do I stand right now…?
On sex, yes I want more and could quite comfortably have sex once a day for the inevitable future if I could find women of a similar mindset. That has proved nigh on impossible thus far and in fact I think I have only met maybe 5 women over my life who seemed comfortable with communicating sexually which is overly negative but it is what I have experienced. But to end this paragraph with a bit of positivity I will state for the record I have been talking to a woman via a dating site and she is so wonderfully open in regards to sex and it is such a fresh breath of air I feel positively buoyed when I get a text from her. The small downside is that I don’t think it will go anywhere so I guess I will just have to be happy with hot texts and emails etc.
On love, I am all for loving more women but again they need to be of a similar mindset in that they are comfortable reciprocating without any jealousy involved or being overly needy. I would love to know 4 or 5 wonderful women who I could be intimate with when required but also just to hangout with, have dinner with, enjoy coffee and a chat, walk the beach together and so many other things. We all need love and as I get older I realise that it certainly isn’t going to hurt having more of it around and also dishing it out to those women whom I share a connection with. Finding them is the issue.
As an aside to this thought, I have a young niece and I hope to in time even if it takes 20 years sit down with her over coffee and share of my experience but I fear by then she too like far too many other women might be contaminated by the vacuum that is monogamy. Maybe things will change more between then and now? I certainly hope so and I hope she meets interesting people who expand her mind just in case that conversation doesn’t happen.
As for me, I will keep plugging away, one step at a time but I do know right at this moment more about me and what I want going forward from 40 and that can only be a good thing.