Katherine Feeney just tweeted me asking for my thoughts on the link above…which is her Friday 09Sep column.
Yet another great article that makes the mind tick over…she seems to be one of the eternal seekers of knowledge on all things re: human sexuality and I am so happy that she is Australian because there doesn’t seem to be many people talking about sex in this country…well not that I have heard anyway? This is primarily why I need to pull my finger out more often and read her columns. The bonus is that there is always some wonderful comments too which are so interesting to read (My type of peeps!). Anyway, on to what Clyde thinks…
Honestly, I am a complete loser regards this sort of stuff. I broke a couple girls hearts years ago primarily because I had not a clue on how to conduct myself in a relationship which is sad because they were both beautiful young women who loved me. Then, later on in the piece when the girly and I came to our first real relationship challenge I pretty much fucked that up as well by seeking extra sex outside the relationship. My only saving grace there was that I was honest with her and I am so thankful that I had that sense because I would have lost her and probably never found anyone else as wonderful.
I am so happy now that I was honest because it really underpinned me as a person from that point onwards. No longer did I not have any clues in regards to relationships…finally, the caveman’eth did learn!
But back to the article…me, now…I would if I was put in or put myself in this situation (which I wouldn’t now anyway), be honest and upfront with the person whom I wanted to sleep with and ask them to be honest with their partner and if they couldn’t be then I would just can the idea.
Case in point, the fantasy shag on my blog – Toni. I know this woman in real life and would love to sleep with her but she hasn’t shown any interest which is great because I have been able to finally cap the “honesty” fountain of knowledge and move on. If things had gone different five or so weeks ago and I had slept with her I would have once again found myself in the shit and might never have completed the lesson. Not in regards to the girly because I would have told what my intentions were which is a wonderful thing – our open relationship, but I know I would have been dishonest with Toni’s other half and that could have caused him grief if he found out. I know I would have felt let down big time if I was in his position…it just aint right.
That may sound really fucking bizarre coming from a guy’s mouth. But that is how I feel right now and I hope will feel in a few years time. I wish I had that presence of mind 15 years ago but I was a player back then just like all men are, trying to find utopia between a woman’s thighs. Again, E D U C A T I O N….
Relationships are hard work. This is why (play it again Sam!) I think we need to include in the curriculum a sex-ed package that starts at year 3 or 4 and teaches kids all about their bodies slowly moving through all sorts of sexuality issues…relationships, sexuality in all its forms, marriage and not just heterosexual marriage, dating, the sex act and all its weird offshoots, the history of sex through the ages….I could go on if I wanted to…
Men especially need to learn about their emotions and how to best cope with them so that we don’t just bounce from one drama to the next as if we were in a pinball machine. Case in point this article http://tiny.cc/uquu4 by Hugo Schwyzer, a fucking genius in my humble opinion and one of the guys behind TheGoodMenProject which has some amazing articles from which to learn. Hugo says it best with this paragraph;
We learn to do things by practicing them. If we practice recklessness, we become more reckless, not less. If we practice dishonesty, it becomes easier to lie — not harder. It’s bad psychology to suggest that engaging repeatedly in a pleasurable activity will ever get it “out of one’s system”. Rather, the more one does it, the harder it will be to change in the future.
So, how does all this shite fit into Kath’s article…some of it doesn’t I guess but what I have tried to say is it is best not to put oneself in that sort of situation in the first place and that will only ever happen when you are taught from a young age about this sort of stuff just as Kath states in her article and I quote “But I was brought up to take responsibility for my actions – not to blame, not to deny, or pass the buck.”
So yeah, it all comes back to education. And that is one of the reasons I have sat down a posted a couple this weekend because as much as I am pissed off with the attitudes of a lot of Australian’s I sincerely want to educate if I can and if as I have said in the past that is just one person then I will be very happy with what I have written on this blog.
Clyde
p.s. Kath, sorry for not answering your questions at the end of your article…I got way too deep today and couldn’t find my way out.
Peninsula Polyamory 