I wrote some crap in regards to love hotels in Australia a while back which I re-read just now and must admit it isn’t one of my better posts.  I was an angry Clyde that day quite obviously, but you get that.

However this said, I still stand by my comment based wholly on my experiences thus far in life that Australians are sexually speaking a pretty boring lot.  Sure, there are exeptions to the rule as there are in every facet of life but generally we are only now emerging from the shell that is the nuclear family of the 50’s with the woman tied to the kids (lots) and the oven and as far as sex goes it was in the bedroom with the lights off for the most part.

As to whether there is any hope that we will in the future forge our own sexual identity….hmmm, I dont know?

We are a mish-mash of British and US sex culture I feel for the most part with lots of other interesting cultures sexual tastes thrown in for good measure.  Maybe it will come when we genuinely find our own feet in this land but this I feel wont happen until the majority of the population acknowledge the original inhabitants and seek to raise their lifestyle to that of ours whilst gorging ourselves on theirs to embolden that identity and make it real…well, what’s left of it anyway.

But I digress.  Love hotels can work in this country but there are more than a few obstacles in their path.  One of the biggest I feel is the church who I will allege that via its donations to the Liberals and possibly the ALP stop any debate on this before it can even be raised as an issue.  I wish to note that I have absolutely no proof that this is the case but I if I was a betting man and one could bet on it as a possibility I reckon I might be on a winner!

So where do we go as a nation from here?  Sordid affairs in the back seats of cars and offices after everyone else has gone home, in alleyways and everywhere else that is possible I guess. That is all we have at the moment and will be all we have for the next little while I gather.

The Japanese just do it so much better though don’t they?  Mind you, I guess the love hotel for them came about because they don’t have the space we have in this country and rice paper walls don’t silence moans too well!

They are a beautiful idea though and I hope that before I drop of the perch in 40 odd years (I hope) that someone, anyone…in this country has the gumption to try their hand at building one and see if they can be profitable.

Anyway, tis all food for thought.  Till next time y’all.

Clyde

In my first post on this subject I ranted on about how I thought Australians were backward in regards to sex.  90 odd posts later I still subscribe to that view.  We for some reason in this country don’t consider this area of our humanity as all that important in the bigger picture which is a shame because I see our sexuality as playing a big part in our overall happiness, which segues into our work life, for lots our family life, and most importantly our health.  That is how it feels for me and surely I cant be that far of the mark in making this statement?

Why is this?

In this country, women control sex.  Men think they have power but in reality we don’t have shit except a bucket load of testosterone that we use with other aspects of our personality to appeal to women to give us a bit of the utopia that resides between their legs whenever they feel like it which in my case has been all too fucking rare.  That story is retold by many a man in a myriad of ways every day, some more positive, some less so but it is the point that I wish to enshrine in neon that is women have the reins.

When I say control I would argue that the percentages of control are roughly speaking 70% for women and 30% for men although women would have you believe that they have no control…ha fucking ha!

Women have it all and they aren’t going to give any of it away in the name of balance anytime soon I think, well, at least that has been the case as I have seen it over the last 40 years anyway.  And men for that matter are so fucking dumb when it comes to sex thinking with their second head most if not all of the time relying on their physical strength as a large wedge of the pie to get them through life…and I am no different, that I cant see us arguing for balance in the near future or even by the time I drop of the perch in hopefully another 40 big ones.

So that is the way it is.  And within that construct we argue, and bicker constantly about who has that and who does this and blah blah blah, both sexes back and fucking forth…and nothing ever gets solved.  Writers make a few quid out of it occasionally and sell a fair few copies of their books but do we really learn from all this wonderful thought….hmmm?

Don’t get me wrong, women aren’t these evil beings that seek to control sex…they just do as a default because there isn’t any education to speak of in regards to sex as I have rattled on about too many fucking times on this blog and so the cycle continues…females are born and learn from their mothers and then educate their offspring if they are females whilst men just sail along into the sunset eventually on their testosterone fueled super-yachts (as they see them) which are really nothing more than harbour tug boats in reality.

So where to for this country.  Nowhere really I think.  The all-pervasive anglo attitudes and centuries of conditioning (Thanks Kath Feeney – yes I pinched that…sooorry) that have us all in a bind are tied pretty fucking tight and they aren’t going to loosen anytime soon so change as far as I am concerned probably wont come.  There are a FEW (LITERALLY) Australian sex writers talking about change in various forms but I would argue that no one is really listening if you look at the amount of comments these articles receive as an average….hell, take my blog as an example and a really fucking poor one at that….six measly comments none of which originate from Australia and thus therein lies my argument…Australians don’t give a shit about SEX.

Case in point, a mate made comment about the issue surrounding trans-gender folk and passports the other day something along the lines of….why are we these people complaining….I am sick of all these different types of people putting their hands up wanting something….?? (blood pressure rises) What The Fuck?

I treated the situation with kid gloves because I like the guy but for fuck’s sake….that attitude belongs in 1955….NOT 2011 AND he isn’t the only one who thinks and speaks this type of “bang a wedge in there cause I can” commentary.

But back to the above mentioned paragraph and where we are headed…nowhere as I mentioned above but to end this rant with something positive I will say that the potential for change is massive, and is I think in comparison with the icebergs that are mentioned floating away from both poles that have only a fifth of their real estate in perceptive view.

To realise change though we are going to have to go back to the basics and argue for a mandatory sex education program that starts kids off at the start of their respective journey’s when they are little tackers and ends when they leave high school.  From there they are on their own but I would hope if the modules are put together right, kids will leave with a head full of knowledge about sexuality and how it affects us all and how best to make it through the minefield safely to the other side embracing whatever form of it you decide suits you.

Sure, education such as this might take away a bit of the mystery of sex but the positives in my very humble opinion will GREATLY outweigh little shitty negatives such as this.

I argue that education such as this will have real effects on Australian society and especially so if it embraces all the ground we have made thus far, one example being: workplace sexual harassment –  which has been as far as I am concerned the biggest change in male/female relations since I have been around and working.

Go on people, read what I have crapped on about.  I am not much of a writer but I am trying to put my thoughts out there in the hope that people will start to talk and join the dots.  Interpret it as you wish and argue for change.  Vote with your feet….The Australian Sex Party is a registered entity and I am sure if they were given the hint that there was a genuine groundswell massing in regards to a better sexual future for all in this country and especially so one that could be achieved via education in existing infrastructure they would take up the challenge and represent us as best they could.  Sure, they would have their work cut out for them in competing against the two majors but as this current minority government has shown it isn’t impossible to argue for change and actually achieve some.

Anyway, I leave it with you as food for thought.

Oh, and if I piss anyone off, apologies in advance.

Clyde

http://tiny.cc/ec7ss

Katherine Feeney just tweeted me asking for my thoughts on the link above…which is her Friday 09Sep column.

Yet another great article that makes the mind tick over…she seems to be one of the eternal seekers of knowledge on all things re: human sexuality and I am so happy that she is Australian because there doesn’t seem to be many people talking about sex in this country…well not that I have heard anyway?  This is primarily why I need to pull my finger out more often and read her columns.  The bonus is that there is always some wonderful comments too which are so interesting to read (My type of peeps!).  Anyway, on to what Clyde thinks…

Honestly, I am a complete loser regards this sort of stuff.  I broke a couple girls hearts years ago primarily because I had not a clue on how to conduct myself in a relationship which is sad because they were both beautiful young women who loved me.  Then, later on in the piece when the girly and I came to our first real relationship challenge I pretty much fucked that up as well by seeking extra sex outside the relationship.  My only saving grace there was that I was honest with her and I am so thankful that I had that sense because I would have lost her and probably never found anyone else as wonderful.

I am so happy now that I was honest because it really underpinned me as a person from that point onwards.  No longer did I not have any clues in regards to relationships…finally, the caveman’eth did learn!

But back to the article…me, now…I would if I was put in or put myself in this situation (which I wouldn’t now anyway), be honest and upfront with the person whom I wanted to sleep with and ask them to be honest with their partner and if they couldn’t be then I would just can the idea.

Case in point, the fantasy shag on my blog – Toni.  I know this woman in real life and would love to sleep with her but she hasn’t shown any interest which is great because I have been able to finally cap the “honesty” fountain of knowledge and move on. If things had gone different five or so weeks ago and I had slept with her I would have once again found myself in the shit and might never have completed the lesson.  Not in regards to the girly because I would have told what my intentions were which is a wonderful thing – our open relationship, but I know I would have been dishonest with Toni’s other half and that could have caused him grief if he found out.  I know I would have felt let down big time if I was in his position…it just aint right.

That may sound really fucking bizarre coming from a guy’s mouth.  But that is how I feel right now and I hope will feel in a few years time.  I wish I had that presence of mind 15 years ago but I was a player back then just like all men are, trying to find utopia between a woman’s thighs.  Again, E D U C A T I O N….

Relationships are hard work.  This is why (play it again Sam!) I think we need to include in the curriculum a sex-ed package that starts at year 3 or 4 and teaches kids all about their bodies slowly moving through all sorts of sexuality issues…relationships, sexuality in all its forms, marriage and not just heterosexual marriage, dating, the sex act and all its weird offshoots, the history of sex through the ages….I could go on if I wanted to…

Men especially need to learn about their emotions and how to best cope with them so that we don’t just bounce from one drama to the next as if we were in a pinball machine.  Case in point this article http://tiny.cc/uquu4 by Hugo Schwyzer, a fucking genius in my humble opinion and one of the guys behind TheGoodMenProject which has some amazing articles from which to learn.  Hugo says it best with this paragraph;

We learn to do things by practicing them. If we practice recklessness, we become more reckless, not less. If we practice dishonesty, it becomes easier to lie — not harder. It’s bad psychology to suggest that engaging repeatedly in a pleasurable activity will ever get it “out of one’s system”. Rather, the more one does it, the harder it will be to change in the future.

So, how does all this shite fit into Kath’s article…some of it doesn’t I guess but what I have tried to say is it is best not to put oneself in that sort of situation in the first place and that will only ever happen when you are taught from a young age about this sort of stuff just as Kath states in her article and I quote “But I was brought up to take responsibility for my actions – not to blame, not to deny, or pass the buck.”

So yeah, it all comes back to education.  And that is one of the reasons I have sat down a posted a couple this weekend because as much as I am pissed off with the attitudes of a lot of Australian’s I sincerely want to educate if I can and if as I have said in the past that is just one person then I will be very happy with what I have written on this blog.

Clyde

p.s. Kath, sorry for not answering your questions at the end of your article…I got way too deep today and couldn’t find my way out.

Updated July 2019.

http://tiny.cc/uquu4

The link above will take you to today’s (Sunday) Melbourne Age. There you will find a good article written by Melbourne writer Brigid Delaney.

Now to my thoughts.

I will admit that in the early stages of reading this article my blood pressure was starting to rise because I have been fired from a job for sexually harassing two women during a year of much change. Too much in hindsight.

I was in the wrong and accepted my fate but what pissed me off was that the women got away scott free.

Not even a warning was given to them as far as I know even though numerous daily visits to my office to try on their flirtatious skillset left me mentally bamboozled and certainly helped in leading me up the wrong garden path.

They were the victims and I was the perpetrator and that is that.

This is why Brigid’s article is such a good one because just when you think she is going to support the book she rounds the corner at a comfortable pace and finishes off the article in a sensible manner and one that does not detract from the ground we have achieved in workplaces around the country thus far.

I agree wholeheartedly agree that this isn’t the way to move feminism/women forward and don’t get me wrong, I am a supporter of equality who is also in a bind currently about how to assist in the advancement of women to the next step without sacrificing anything else.

I honestly think though it is just going to take time and persistence.

Eventually enough women will work their way into the top echelons of power and then everyone will be happy….I hope, but probably not.

After all, when are we humans actually happy with our lot in life?

As for the author of the book, London School of Economics sociologist Catherine Hakim, well, she is just trying to attack from another angle I think….the old out-flank them move!

She is possibly as frustrated as a lot of people (inclusive of moi) are about the lack of forward movement the second wave of feminism is generating and thus has grasped and written about a woman’s sexual power as means of forward motion.

The only problem is that we have just covered off this issue by incorporating workplace harassment laws which are working I think, but slowly. In time I think both sexes will find their respective ground and for the most part sexual harassment might not be so much of a problem.

Just another of my great hopes…!

Anyway, have a read and make your own mind up. I love how she ends the article;

“Maybe that’s what Hakim’s book should have been about. Be kinder to each other. Even the ugly people! Ugly people, you can flirt, too – just brush your hair and wear some nice clothes. Flirt with your colleagues not to get some competitive advantage over them but because office days can be long and life is short.”

AES

p.s. update, Brigid seems OK with me crapping on which is great, thanks B.

I’m back…at least for a little while anyway.  Still havent made up my mind in regards to ranting on about sex in this country.  We are all so fucking close minded and thus beyond help that I would argue that change wont come in my lifetime so why bother….? 

It isnt my usual position and I am not comfortable taking it so either I will either keep crapping on or just burn out and fade away.  Watch this space.

Thank you to @rosewal on Twitter and Father’s day for the inspiration for this post.

Currently I am counseling a bloke in regards to his breakup with his girlfriend whom he found out about 4 weeks ago was pregnant.
He has been all over the place and thankfully we, that being myself and one other older bloke who have offered counsel have been able to keep him from doing something stupid. By that I mean hurting himself.

The story goes that he met a girl and within two weeks of them hooking up he had gotten her pregnant. He was dumb in that he chose not to use protection but also put his faith in her comment that “at 29 years of age, I cant get pregnant” and the old chestnut that “she is on the pill, so why do I have to worry?”.

Men will never learn unfortunately unless we are taught at a young age the power of testosterone and potential outcomes if we aren’t sensible about how we choose to act once aroused.  This is the only way forward now.

In some ways I guess we have to scare the shit out of boys and keep it up throughout their teenage years so that they embrace personal responsibility in regards to their semen which hopefully will lead to less of this type of shit happening and hopefully one day less single parent families and fathers that are told when and where and how they may visit their offspring, for how long and what they can and cant do which is just plain fucking wrong but women have all the cards on this issue so the only way forward is via EDUCATION.

Anyway, back to my little story.  My main brother SM is currently in a better frame of mind but one that sees him angry about how it all went down.  She has pretty much fucked him over, arguing that she doesn’t want to see him because he was a shit boyfriend who didn’t take her out on a romantic date during the 4 weeks they were together and thus whom she thought would be a shit-house father.

He has accepted the part about a lack of a date etc, and has tried to explain his position but she doesn’t want any of it and has now cut him out of her life completely.

It is interesting in that she made comment in the early stages of the relationship that she would respect and value his opinion if they ever did want to have kids, something which she turned 180 degrees on completely once she knew she was pregnant choosing not to sit down with him to discuss the pregnancy and the relationship, where it is going and whether or not a termination is the better option for both of us at this point in our lives.

This is what he was really angry about.  That he hasn’t gotten a say whatsoever and I wholeheartedly agree with this position.  He is at the point now where he talking of seeking legal advice and getting a DNA test done once the child is born and that is where I have chosen to offer no further comment. I have tried to explain to him that anger will get him nowhere now and so best prepare for a call from Child Support in 7 or so months in regards to maintenance.  That is his lot in life now.  I have asked him to be proactive and ring Child Support to see where he stands but he wont, oh well, such is life.

I am tired of this stuff happening, arent you?

Clyde