Been there done that. We are now officially swingers.
And, to be honest it wasn’t all that exiting. Here’s a rundown of events.
First up, the phone call, answered by a female who stated that I was welcome to come but it would cost me $100. If however I came with my partner or another woman I would be let in for free. Keh?
So, I broached the issue with the girly and she agreed with no real protest at all. She was nervous as was I but exited in that crazy way.
We followed the directions to a house deep in suburban Melbourne, parked, noted only a few more cars and wondered what the fuck we were just about to do.
Anyway, we summoned the courage and and made our way to the door where we were let in by a fierce looking gentleman, the kind who wouldn’t mind giving you a slap around the tickler if you gave him some lip.
Almost immediately the sound of moans and groans were heard but they sounded fake so it was determined and proven a few seconds later that the big screen was in operation with some crappy Hollywood porn showing.
Around the room were a few couches where a few other people sat looking as nervous as we were so we decided to follow suit and sit and be nervous as well watching shitty porn and not at all getting turned on.
Our hostess came in and welcomed us and offered us a tour of the house.
Room one, mattress on the floor, no one testing it out as yet, room two another mattress and again no one testing it out either. A bathroom and a toilet.
On the way back through we came across the kitchen where I gathered the hard core swingers stood, cooked and talked.
The women were dressed in lacy things and of a size that did absolutely fuck all for Ferdinand. I am sure the girly looked at the potential in the men gathered around and went “ah…there aint no fucking way you will be getting lucky tonight fellas”.
There was one young couple like us who arrived and I initially thought they were vice and was waiting to be arrested. They stayed for about 15 minutes and left and that was that…we were left with the dregs.
We once again resumed our place on the couch and minimal to no conversation was entered into or received by the other people seated so after about a half an hour the girly leant over and said, I don’t want to be here, let’s go.
My initial thoughts were that I was going to miss out on an opportunity for some sex but about 3 seconds into that thought process I remembered what I would be fucking and understood and agreed with her summation of the night.
We exited the place at quite a speed not looking back and agreeing that it was a complete and utter fucking failure which would not be spoken of again.
Anyway, as shit goes especially when my grey matter is called into question I got the urge to try it all again about 4 months later.
I went through the same process this time handing over 100 readies and sitting on the couch next to a 45ish year old woman who had no beauty left in her whatsoever but eh…a shag is a shag.
After about 30 minutes watching the shitty porn I hit her up and asked if she wanted to adjourn to a room. She said…”what took you so long”.
See what I mean about women not meeting men in the middle of the bridge in regards to sex.
We walked down to room two and got our gear off. She wasn’t much to look at and quickly laid down on her back. I tried to kiss her on the mouth to which she got cranky and said that she didn’t do that at these sort of parties.
I was able to kiss the rest of her with the exception again of her pussy which she said she didn’t like either so hey….what else was there to do but schtick it in!
Ferdinand was semi-hard so I did the cock ring thing at the base to push the blood to the tip to give me some purchase and in I went. Almost immediately the woman started moaning and lecturing me on how amazing her pussy was….I am like….WTF?
This went on for about 10 minutes with her repeating the mantra just in case I hadn’t heard it before that her pussy muscles were exceptional and that they would drain me in a matter of minutes.
A matter of minutes came and went…she wasn’t at all wet in the highly aroused female wet type of way so I just slogged on. After about 10 minutes of thrusting and watching a bloke beat off to my right I got the shits with the sermon, pulled out, said, she is all yours buddy, put my jeans back on and walked the fuck out the door.
That was the end of my swinging days.
I haven’t done anything like it since and am unlikely to do it again unless;
1. I get let in for free…equality is a two way street.
2. The party has some really good reviews and attracts people of all ages.
3. I don’t get lectured by a partner on the power of her genitalia.