My lover says he can’t leave his wife and child for me just yet. Is he being dishonest? (via Guardian Australia).

Hi all,

Disclaimer – writing this at 5:30 in the morning…buggered if I know why, but the article below opened my word tap. Here goes…

I am going to try, with the most important word in this paragraph being try, to work through the column a little (which contains multiple questions) at the link below.

The premise is that two people have hooked up at work, one of which has fallen emotionally for the other after 3 months.

That person is the initiator of the questions and honestly it isn’t a bad read. And additionally the resulting short and sweet dig into some of questions that arise within the column are timely and balanced. Please click into the link and have a read yourself. I would love to hear others thoughts on this one as it seems to be a regular issue that pops up between men and women and I (and I hope you also) would really like to make some mental ground on this broken record, once and for all.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/28/my-lover-says-he-cant-leave-his-wife-and-child-for-me-is-he-being-dishonest

Whilst you are doing that, here’s a few thoughts from moi that continue to circulate in this here brain.

Why can’t we love more than one person? I mean, seriously, why do we default to, and I will use a female friends take on this from a while back when we were each considering the pro’s and con’s of hopping into bed with each other.

I was at a stage were I wanted more sex, a common refrain from men yes but one that women are embracing more and more these days thankfully. I was in a relationship, she was single and she knocked me back because in her words, she didn’t just want a piece of chocolate cake, she wanted the whole cake.

I have ruminated on that statement for years and I think it has been the statement which has helped me steer my course through the relationship minefield (an analogy I like and for mine is fitting) somewhat and certainly one that put (and continues to put) wind in my polyamory leaning sails.

How, you may be asking? Well, whilst it’s clear to this little black duck that polyamory is tough and takes constant maintenance and vigilance to keep the relationship humming along, I much prefer this to the pervasive default unto which the majority of us continue to subscribe.

That being “the one” mentality.

Seriously, I consider this idea to be the largest crock of crap and one that weighs down the potential of human beings to be their best and “love many” in the short time on this planet we are given.

Why do we do this? And yes, I understand that the answer is complex and different for every person somewhat but seriously people, I really hope that with the subtle changes that we are seeing within society and specifically with women, that we might just release a few of those weights holding SS POLYAMORY down and let at least part of that beautiful airship sniff the wind a little higher up.

And before I cark it, I would love to see a world in which the default (damn, I can’t remember the word that goes here – as mentioned in Sex At Dawn), would be this (in my view) lazy bloody relationship default being further eroded within society and put in its place as a refuge for those who still subscribe to the pale, stale male & female, marriage with affairs on the side as a way to live and love.

Locking oneself down is not for me, but hey, I have always been a thinker and feeler. Some might say, a little too much but I am happy in my own skin.

What are your thoughts on the column and ranty-pants comments below it?

I hope to hear from you,

Regards

AES

Crowded House – Chocolate Cake

Interesting…and about bloody time!

Hi all,

If you crossed paths with the news in the last 48 hours you may have heard something about this at the link below.

https://theconversation.com/a-new-national-plan-aims-to-end-violence-against-women-and-children-in-one-generation-can-it-succeed-192497

I saw it on Sunday but wanted to see an outline of the detail and as per usual The Conversation has come through.

It’s an ambitious plan and one I support fully because you don’t have to be Einstein to know we have a problem with violence against women, and it isn’t isolated to Australia either.

And I am glad to see politicians setting the level of the bar with policy so all states, territories and the individuals who inhabit them can see the high water mark and aim for it.

It’s been a long time coming in Australia with the conservatives who ruled over us since 2014 clearly preferring no change to the existing order and for mine that just isn’t good enough.

But I guess that’s why they lost 6-7 seats to independents, and frankly I will be happy to see a few more go from both major political parties at the next election.

Anyhoo, soz for bringing politics into this blog but this connects strongly with my understanding of the problem of violence against women so I thought I would share.

Have a lovely day,

AES

The Doves – There Goes The Fear

Me…hanging with other writers speaking my truth.

Hi all,

I wrote the below a couple of months ago when I was at an absolute low in life.

I just needed to flush out what I had been hiding away for so long and because I utterly dig Medium as a medium for people who want to express themselves via the written word, I thought…

…why the bloody hell not.

So, if you are game, click this link and read about a bloke who caught Herpes in his early twenties and who now is finally at peace with it, nearly 30 years later.

I am writing a follow up about sex and Herpes and it will hit the streets when I think it is coherent enough to publish.

The usual disclaimer – Medium ain’t free but it like any independent media, Substack, Patreon and so many more rely on the support of people who like to read widely.

Please support it if you can.

Anyway, take care of yourselves out there people.

Catch you on the flip-side,

AES

Love this track,

Billy Joel – A Matter Of Trust

Meghan Madness, blowing our minds, well mine anyway…yet again :-)

Hi all,

Just checked my Medium feed and Meghan has dropped this in the last couple of days.

“3 Unnoticeable Things I Learned From Watching Other Couples Have Sex” is an absolute bomb of a read.

FWIW, I will go on record here as a serial offender who is trying to get his head around the reverse of the problem that Meghan mentions.

I don’t think I am selfish but I am a hedonistic bastard who (unthinkingly) so easily hops, skips & jumps on the high speed line to pleasure during the act that I know for a fact that I have been considered a poor shag at times during this life.

Which is the reason that writing such as this is so valuable and I for one will be tipping Meghan after posting this because with her words she is asking us to think about how each of us does intimacy and whether you need a spring clean or indeed need to go back to the books.

So, as always I hope you will drop in on Meghan via this link and maybe check out a few of her other posts.

I really value her opinion and so many others on Medium. It is one of the anchorages in which I seek shelter when this world gets me down with all the death and destruction we (male hands bring mostly) allow to occur in our name.

Catch you next time people,

AES

Icehouse – We Can Get Together (live)

What have we learned from 50 years of studying porn? ‘Heterosexuality is essentially broken’, via Guardian Australia.

OMG, OMG, OMG…soz, didn’t say hi, because this article has blown my tiny mind.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED (and/or CARE) ABOUT SEXUALITY, PORN, CONSENT, SEX EDUCATION…then you really need to read this.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/sep/02/what-have-we-learned-from-50-years-of-studying-porn-heterosexuality-is-essentially-broken

Why, because we need to smash the patriarchy and then rebuild sexuality from the ground up. #FACT

Porn has a part to play & if you have read a little of my take on things, you will have read that I am very interested in ethical porn and the positive sexual environment it can feed into.

I thus give massive props to Prof Alan McKee and the other researchers who took the time to look at this massive issue and provide guidance like this that will only help the debate we need to continue having, preferably more in the mainstream.

It proves to me that I am largely on the right track with this blog and as such will continue to link articles about human sexuality that I hope influence readers to read widely & most importantly communicate with others about this very important issue within humanity.

And please, if you do go down interesting rabbit holes and think it would be something I might enjoy then feel free to send me a message and I will check it out.

Cheers

AES

Jefferson Airplane – White Rabbit

Arts minister demands Festival of Dangerous Ideas cancel bestiality talk by British historian Joanna Bourke via Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

I am a hypocrite.

And maybe we all are to a point?

One thing though that rings loud & clear to me is free speech, no matter how it hurts or what the cost, people need to be allowed to speak openly about any & all topics.

And that’s why I think that this talk at the link below should go ahead at the Festival of Dangerous Ideas in Sydney.

The NSW Arts Minister needs to get out of the way on this IMHO.

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2022/aug/22/arts-minister-demands-festival-of-dangerous-ideas-cancel-bestiality-talk-by-british-historian-joanna-bourke

For the record, I know zero about this woman, but I am interested to know more no matter her view on this subject so that’s what I am going to do after I post this blog.

#READWIDELY

But before I do, I will admit to watching this type of pornography a few times over the last 10 or so years. Tumblr, before they went all family friendly had channels of it and in my travels on that site many moons ago I found it in due course.

And yes, some of it did arouse me but it never stuck as something I would actively pursue. It was just another waypoint on my road of sexual discovery and I am glad I found it and was able to form an opinion on it that stands to this day.

So yes, it will be interesting to read Joanna’s take and see if my opinion is valid all these years later or whether I need to revisit my position on it.

Anyway, I hope you also click through and read up on her and form your own opinion, for or against.

And then I also hope that you will have the courage to discuss that opinion with those closest so we can one day pull back the curtain on this divisive & taboo subject which is what the simple act of conversation does best.

When enough of us understand a particular subject or issue it gives politicians real mandates to act in our collective interest rather than locking subjects away just as the Minister above is trying to do in this case.

Get out of the way bud.

Cheers

AES

Demi Lovato exposes that legal sex doesn’t mean ethical sex by Lisa Martens, via Medium.

Hi all,

Another great Medium writer killing it.

And yes, I understand in assuming you can make an ass of yourself but I am going out on a limb with this (gut-feel style) to say I strongly feel that this issue is brushed under the carpet way to much.

A wonderful Australian woman by the name of Grace Tame has done her level best over the past 3+ years to drag this subject out into the sunlight but in the finest traditions of “the patriarchy rules – ok!”, very little has changed. She is playing the long game though and I know she will looked back on as one of the big movers & shakers in regards to many layers of our sexual gumbo that very much need to be made edible in order to obtain genuine gender balance.

You can read more about Grace and her struggle here.

Another young Australian woman who is really impressing me in this space is Chanel Contos. Chanel is also kicking against the pricks on consent and making some ground especially in the young adult space, which is the only sensible place to start the conversation IMHO.

Take note of these two names as they in concert with many others will help Australia lead the pack in these areas of human sexuality.

Anyhoo, here’s Lisa’s post at the link below. Please click through if this subject interests you. I will contend that you won’t be disappointed. She writes very well and is one of many writers on Medium that I really enjoy.

https://link.medium.com/fsAQwME6Esb

And I hope you, like I have, see the many layers of genius present within Medium. It really is a fantastic mish-mash of amazing writing on just about any subject you can think of.

Regards

AES

Jeff Buckley – Kick Out The Jams (Live)

I Had an Ex-Boyfriend “With Benefits” and It Was Some of the Best Sex Ever by Emme Witt, via Medium.

Hi all,

A quickie today. Really enjoyed this short read from Emme about fucking your ex.

Why? Because of how she weaves power into the story, the imbalances thereof and how important it is to understand where power resides in your relationship.

It matters. It really does.

https://link.medium.com/gRwY4sjFusb

Anyhoo, as I always try to mention when reposting someone else’s work, Medium is a subscription reader chock full of just about any rabbit hole you feel inclined to drop down for a look.

I have been a subscriber for years and if they keep the same or a similar formula looking after their writers, I will keep renewing

And on Medium you will find Emme and so many others to scratch your itch I can recommend it highly enough.

Anyway, I hope you click through, because this one is a good’n.

Cheers

AES

Meshell Ndeocello – Boyfriend

I’ve been meeting with the same group of men for 36 years – here’s what they’ve taught me, via The Guardian.

Hi all,

A nice read about the benefits of conversation and listening, in this case within one of the first “men’s groups”.

As David mentions in the article, groups like these are much more widely spread these days but that doesn’t mean men still don’t have a ways to go in being able to express themselves emotionally.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/23/meeting-same-group-men-years-david-spiegelhalter

Some inroads have been made, for sure and my feeling is that men are definitely doing better in regards to relationships in the modern day, but divorce and domestic violence are very much still problems that still need answers so that women can live the lives that they should be able to without fear or favour.

Anyway, please click through if this topic interests you and if you’re a man like me, reach out and contact your local men’s shed.

It might just change your life, for the better.

Cheers

AES

Why is God a man? The woman who searched the world for a feminist religion via Guardian Australia.

Hi all,

I haven’t posted in a while but when I read this I felt it had a place in this little space I have curated over many years.

And before you ask…but it’s about religion…?

Well yes, I agree but there’s also a connection in the article to sexuality and how religion subverts and squashes the beauty in female sexuality.

Louise sounds like a woman I could totally have a drink and a good yak with, and I reckon I will definitely buy her book because it’s clear to anyone paying attention that religion is next level fucked up when it comes to human sexuality.

Cults, Pentecostalism, Catholic BS, abortion rights etc. etc…I am sure you get the drift. It’s all connected in some shitty way that only seeks to subjugate women and ensure female sexuality stays in the shadows.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2022/jul/16/why-is-god-a-man-the-woman-who-searched-the-world-for-a-feminist-religion

Anyhoo, please click through if the connection between sex and religion interests you.

It certainly does for me.

Adios,

AES

Madonna – Like A Prayer

Embracing my inner salacious little slut, by Tris Harkness – via Medium.

Hi all,

I just read the post below from Tris and felt I needed to repost it here largely because it was such a positive read.

https://link.medium.com/yWBYdzmzQqb

Tris clearly articulates her situation in this post and how she has gone from a woman in sexual chains to one released.

I have feeling that there are more than a few women out there like Tris, who are locked into patriarchal prison, which unfortunately so many men are fine with maintaining but for whatever reason cannot see.

And then there are some who just like the default creation and actively subvert female sexual power & energy at every take.

Also to be clear, this isn’t anywhere as simple as you might expect and thus I would contend that there is also a large cohort of women who like the way things have been and are very keen to not see them change.

But times are a changin, and there is no holding back this tide so if on reading this you decide to take a chance and trust in your sexuality, I hope it is a good experience and you come out of it with more faith in yourself and your place in the world.

Anyway, please have a read and I hope you walk down the Medium road & support writers like Tris because women like her are contributing to a better world for all of us.

Cheers

AES

Tears For Fears – Woman In Chains

The Green Eyed Monster…is never far away.

Hi all,

Came across this thread on Reddit and found it interesting.

I have written about jealousy before and frankly can’t admit to knowing any more about or indeed having any more or less control over it than anyone else.

I am however, a student of the mind and as it is our largest sexual organ and primarily the place where jealousy will show itself from I had to repost this thread here.

Please have a read of the article and as much of the thread as you can manage (I got a few scrolls in) and if you want to discuss this important emotion as related to sexuality, please add a comment.

I would love to read other people’s take on it.

Cheers

AES

The Gun Blossoms – Hey Jealousy

Meghan Madness re: Kinks, via Medium.

Hi all,

There lots in the Medium link below to gorge your mind on.

A bit of sexy, a bit of psychology, a bit of looking inwards & outwards to understand where you are on the great escalator of your sexual life.

As a self proclaimed lover of all things kink, I dig any and all discussion on this subject. I really love the psychology side of sexuality and how the mind combines with your stage of sexual growth and understanding.

We are all different and at different stages in our lives, sexual development and awareness and if you are interested in walking this road it pays to understand as many sides of your sexy shape before you decide to open up to a prospective partner in kinky crime.

Are you a sexy Pentagon, a simple but efficient circle, a crazy deep octagon or something else entirely?

Anyhoo, Meghan nails it to the mast below (way better than me) so I highly recommend you click through and if you aren’t satiated after this, read some more of her stuff… it’s good 😛

https://link.medium.com/IAP15wA7hpb

Lastly, as I always say, Medium is a subscription service and a bloody good one at that. Please grab yourself a subscription if it’s right for you at this time and blow your mind on any and all subjects on the site.

Cheers

AES

Red Hot Chili Peppers – Sir Psycho Sexy

OMFG, Single Shaming…why?

Hi all,

I have been thinking about writing something on the subject of being single for some time now.

In fact, I think I have written before about the Australian 2016 Census results which on census night saw nearly 1 person in 4 living alone.

And I expect that we will see this number increase again when the 2021 results are released to public view in July this year.

The article below is from the BBC and asks why we collectively are still of the mind that choosing to live alone is a bad thing.

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220405-single-shaming-why-people-jump-to-judge-the-un-partnered

Clearly there is still a great deal of stigma out there which saw a person I respect greatly exit Twitter recently because they were sick of fighting again this historical juggernaut.

For mine, I hope the number increases as clearly there is more than enough people on the planet currently and we really should be slowing down & assessing what an optimal carrying capacity for the planet is currently.

And I am not suggesting that number can’t or shouldn’t increase.

I just want to see some sensible analysis and staying single and or raising small families is preferable until that analysis is complete we understand what the planet needs to sustain us.

Unfortunately, this will have to be led by individuals because governments still have their heads in the sand and are not interested in the slightest in singing the praises of those who choose to live this way.

So, for mine, staying single is a good thing and I look forward to seeing old and outdated tropes on the deficiencies of this choice disappear sooner rather than later.

Feel free to comment if you have other thoughts.

Cheers
AES

Disgraced Tory MP Neil Parish ‘broke law’ by watching porn in Commons. (via Guardian Aust)

Hi all,

Nothing new at this link below. Just another male doing what we males do so well within our large sphere of patriarchal freedoms.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/apr/30/disgraced-tory-mp-neil-parish-broke-law-by-watching-porn-in-commons

This British MP must have been so bored with legislative proceedings on those two sitting days he chose to surf porn on his phone, in the house of commons no less!

For mine, I hope the book is thrown at him, but on reading the article, you may well walk away as I did thinking that this bloke will get away with it just as so many before him have previously.

My bet is a deal will be done and the disgraced MP will be shown the door with his entitlements in tact and told to stay low for a year or two.

And with that potential action, society will miss another opportunity for change.

Which brings me to the conundrum of actually achieving any change in this space.

Can it be done?

In Australia we have had our fair share of problems like this over the years with the most recent in our own parliament house being conveniently dry-cleaned away.

Thankfully, it was referred to the court after a tonne of public pressure was put on the incumbent government but it’s clear to observers and those paying attention that without that pressure, it would have been swept under the carpet just as the “Prayer Room” & desk wanking incidents have been.

Thankfully though, we have an election here soon and there are a number of female independents running.

My great hope is that our lower house cross-bench seats are increased forcing the party holding a seat majority (but not enough to form government (in Aust, you need 76 seats)), to negotiate with a block of independents for confidence & supply hopefully guaranteeing some action on matters of sexuality within politics.

These actions, if forthcoming in politics will bring further much needed flow on effects to wider society.

Maybe this is an outcome we will see?

I hope so. And I hope this is an outcome in this term of government. If not, the pressure will continue as more scandals come to light.

Because clearly, Men aren’t going to learn any other way.

Cheers

AES

Prison Sex – Tool